Happy Burd-day

A long time ago when I was in school, primary school, birthdays were a big event. People used to be virtually dated and cajoled and basically buttered up before the upcoming birthday. In school the questions were about, Who will sit next to you?
Who will hold the packet of sweets as you give them out? Who will spend break time holding your hand and walking beside you like a shadow.
At some point of time the teacher would ask the birthday kid to come stand in the front of the class and have the rest of the class sing Happy Birthday loudly. Once the child has finished beaming benevolently at the rest of the class, it was allowed to walk around and hand over sweets to everyone in class who would wish the BDAY boy/girl again. If luck was in you were allowed to walk around the rest of the block and offer sweets to all the teachers.
The cringe worthiness of this whole thing gets better when you recall the fact that the Birthday kid did not need to wear a uniform for that one 'special' day. Thus I remember being horrified with visions in pink froth, cream satin dresses with ballerina shoes, a spider man and also someone who wore a bright yellow shirt with shiny black shorts - looked amazingly like a bumble bee.

Added to these ignominies was the Birthday party, which was to be 'your' day so the birthday boy/girl could do and say pretty much anything she or he wanted to. This leading to evil tendencies being revealed (kids can be pretty mean). The poor soul would need to wear a multi colour feather cap of conical shape. Have others wear glittery concial caps on their heads and have people singing Happy Burd-day too yoouuu very loudly and hoarsely till the cake got cut and stuffed into people's mouths to shut them up.
The food consisted of chola, bhaturas, something saccharine sweet like rasgullas or gulab jamuns, sandwiches, and loads of fizzy drinks. Plus of course the cake.
The gifts are part of any birthday deal and there would be all sorts, from paint boxes to geometry kits, pencil boxes, pen sets etc etc. Anything a 7-10 year old would want.

The one thing that needs recalling here are the expressions:
Birthday kid - goody two shoes, sulky, benevolent, cocky, delighted, greedy and satiated with cake and food, tired and grumpy at the end.
Pals - smiley, envious, wishful and scheming about what they would do on their special days
Parents - ecstatic, worried about being hosts, tired
Teachers - bored yet smiley, happy for a sugar fix but tired of singing the same song and making people feel special yet remind them of limitations of birthday advantages.

Birthdays were fun-ny. I recall attending many birthday parties as a child, and they all fit on the same pattern. It was the sighting of a conical multi coloured feathered cap that set of this reminiscence.

Amitabh Bachchan made me cry!

Just saw an extremely cringe worthy Hindi film award presentation from Yorkshire in England. It was hyped beyond means and continued in the new found tradition of awarding Indian film awards outside India...I still do not get why they do this!! Apart from marketing reasons. Well UK went a bit mad, Yorkshire was flooded with queues and troops and people...and the IFA awards started. A bewildered looking Culture Minister - Tessa Jowell was presiding!

Mr Bachchan who is now considered a Pillar of Hindi cinema, a giant amongst mortal actors presented a short speech about the 'IFA movement', the first time he said it, I did a double take, the next time he said it, it sounded like the 'freedom' movement or something equally important. He went on calling it so...eventually leading me to shout aloud at the screen..asking him to...well...shut up really!! He then went on to calling UK - his 'second home'. Amazing!! Second home? Second home!!! hello?? I know they shoot here, but he was speaking on behalf of the whole film industry. A pillar, awarded a PhD for his contribution to Cinema, an international icon, and he says amazingly stupid things. I am not even going to start on his ability to turn up on Indian TV advertising just about any and everything going!

The ceremony got even better, with Dharmendra being awarded an award and his tearful younger son coming to the podium along with older bro Sunny, to howl into the microphone, 'he is the best'. Yup everyone thinks their dad is the best, and not too many of us cry about it on stage!

2006 was called a landmark in Indian cinema by someone who bumbled onto the stage, it had movies like Rang De Basanti...and....and...Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna, Omkaara ofcourse..but then also movies like Vivaah and Krish! Landmark? Landmark...needless to say I was laughing by now!!Rakesh Roshan apparently discovered the whole concept of 'animation' in film in India..and it did not exist before! And he was awarded for it. Aishwarya and Abhishek were called the 'Golden couple' of Indian cinema..they have been married for more than two months...so perhaps...
The cringing continued when Upen Patel dedicated his award to all the British Asians and said this was 'just the start' for a man who can not speak much of his native language..it was funny! Just about everyone who came on stage screeched an 'I love you Yorkshire'...automatically alienating all the other people of UK who watch Indian cinema!!
Conspicuously missing were Rani Mukherjee, Aamir Khan, Shahrukh Khan...

Shilpa Big Brother Shetty cried about everything and everyone, she shook her booty on the screen and then sat and cried, amazing!! Bearing in mind no one knew who she was till Jade Goody did her some good. It was interesting.

What never ceases to amaze is the fact that they are INDIAN film awards...yet they don't include the South Indian film industry at all. Not even mention it. I wont even mention the other film industries in India...even Wikipedia mentions seven of them!! Atleast!! Quite a few hit films are known to be rip offs of their superior originals from south India. No mention was made of the industry. Nothing. Zilch!! And then we wonder why people down South do not speak in Hindi!!Ridiculous. India speaks a lot many languages..Hindi yes..and English...but lets not forget the regional languages that make us who we are!
Amazing. Sad. Ridiculous! Amitabh and co made me cry, and they were not even trying to!!