Gone forever

I came home to India last night.
For the first time in 6 years there was no dog at my door. With love dripping from her eyes, her tailless backside wiggling with delight. Getting slurped and licked till I beg for mercy and then I could sit down and get rid of my bags.
Nothing like that happened yesterday.
The afternoon meal with meat was strange with no one begging with soulful eyes for scraps from my plate (despite having eaten her own food)no one looking out for bones. It was quiet.
In the evening..the walk felt lonely without the dog, no one to drag me from one side of the road to the other, chasing scents, smelling car tyres and every single piece of dirt around.
At night, I did not have to feed her or walk her one last time. I did not have to leave the doors open so she could walk around. I did not have her soft silky head on my pillow..did not share my bed with Tweety last night.
And this morning I was not awoken by enthusiastic licking and short sharp barks indicating yet another day and a glorious morning.
And now..I am sitting on my computer, with no one peering over my shoulder as if she could read what I was writing. Its lonely. And heart breaking.
When I was in UK, I did not let the news sink. Now I am home and have to re-adjust my heart and mind to living without the dog I loved to bits and perhaps more than life itself. Everyone else at home seems to be ok, I feel I did not even get a chance to say goodbye.