American Style Indian Dancing

Met a girl from new York last night at a gathering. She was American and had been to India recently for an Indian wedding. She was mighty amused with the whole thing and even bought Kal Ho Na Ho DVD to understand contemporary India.
She was confused by the 'story inside a story' concept in Indian films and the out of context song and dance sequences. She thought she was seeing a different film after the intervals...:)
Based in Edinburgh she is so happy to know about Indian films that she was wondering why edinburgh, which is a pretty and romantic place has never been used in an Indian film.
She later went on to tell me how she was taught to dance Indian style at a wedding. The idea is the have a REALLY surprised expression on your face..as in eyes wide open and mouth open a bit or with a BIG smile. And then throw your hands and arms around for good measure in every direction, if possible, in time with the music. Hmmm...wonder what Indian choreographers would make of that.
We went on to discuss where we could shoot an Indian film in Edinburgh. The Forth bridge could be a good backdrop for a floaty slow motion run in a sari. The beach could have some sexy shots in wet clothes. And the castle would be prefect for the villain to lock the damsel in distress in the dungeons. Ahhh...I can almost hear the songs now.

Peaceful perfection

A night of rest,
in the morning - peace.
To wake with a smile,
to be able to turn over
and fall back to sleep.

To know you are safe,
and loved and held.
To forget all worries
and things that need doing.

To open your eyes
and see blue skies and sunshine.
To be warm under the duvet
but cool your arms on the out.

Then staying awake and functioning
doing what needs doing.
Knowing you shall be home soon.
To relax and talk and sleep.

It does sound and feel good,
finding a haven of peace and love.
This is a state of silence and contention,
when things are just..perfect.

Hippy Thoughts

Had an interesting conversation with an interesting person yesterday about the joys of living in UK. She did mention that she likes the 'conversations' she had with people. About books, music, travel, politics, world affairs etc etc. We noticed that the people in this part of the world are for some reason more talkative and open to discussion than others back home.
This might have to do with the fact that a lot of them are curious and keen to know about the world around them. A lot of them are friendly and maybe the British politeness means that even if they are opinionated, they shall be open to a conversation about things they dont believe in. The fact that just about everyone in this country is a travel maniac and most people have travelled a lot does change things a bit. To plan a vacation every summer and winter to a place you have never seen seems to be a great way of changing your mental makeup.
I did point out to my friend that some time ago I had spoken to someone who mentioned that Indians are the rudest and most unfriendly people around. Broad as that generalisation maybe, it does contains a grain of truth. As i walk to work each morning, I see the same people, sometimes they say hello, sometimes they smile, sometimes they say good morning, and if we are picking an early morning cup of coffee, there is always a ave a nice day at the end of a quick chat.
People are just friendly here and they talk a lot. I have spoken to many random people in random places, mum of 3 travelling to Edinburgh who had thinning hair and talked about the cause of it being her three kids, mum with a pushchair on the London underground who was making her weekly trip to take the kids to the grandma, man who was walking a cute dog for his friends who were in Turkey on holiday, girls on the bus who shared some crisps with me, man with a hat glued on his head who was an old brigadier in the British Army. They all talk..whis is nice.
Try smiling at a stranger in a bus or a train in India and they shall stare at you. Try starting a conversation with a busy commuter in Bombay and see what happens. I do wonder why, a country with such warm people have such an unfriendly shut attitute to life? Why do we take ourselves so seriously...or am I being a hippy child and thinking the world is a sweet nice place and we should all be friends?

Not watching the World Cup

And it was a hot HOT day in UK...it was hotter still in Edinburgh. The second day of the world cup..the first England match kicked off at 2pm. So who was not watching...
Well people like me who find grown up men howling like babies over a missed goal and drinking themselves silly over defeat, and for that matter even victory.
Also a lot of women who dont like football or dont understand it
People who are SO relieved that the footbal fans are all in one place so there is no way they shall get stuck in a conversation that starts with..'did you see that goal...' and then carries on in great detail with the very real risk of death by boredom to anyone who is stuck between the chatty footbal fans
Also people who would rather catch some sunshine in peace while it is around, than sit around a big screen inside a smelly pub and watch some men chase a small ball across a large field.
Also not watching were the people of Scotland who support anyone who is playing against England
And then also all those who dont like the game, dont like the mania and hooliganism associated with it, and enjoy the empty streets while others watch.
Also not watching was the old granny who felt sorry for the man in black who is always in the match and chases the ball all over but never gets a chance to kick it!

Summer and Blackpool

I know its a cliche but it does seem that the year is running away again. Just a few months ago I was having a relaxed new year and now June is here. I mean month 6 and a few left to go and its back to winter again...and the summer is not here yet either.
Called India where the mother told me its TOO hot to talk and too hot to sit or stand..its just TOO hot..and here..it is too cold, one jumper, a coat and tights..thats what you need here at this time.
I have been away slogging..and it does not feel too bad slogging as the weather outside sucks.

Decided to head to Blackpool this weekend. And it poured. Its supposed to be a nice English seaside town. Where families went on holiday with kids. It is also a place for heavy political activity as a lot of important parliamentary meetings are held there. It all sounded good..
...but it looked more like Las Vegas's poor cousin. There were hotels on every street and no shops, banks or cash machines for miles. Nothing. Just pubs, clubs..lap dancing type and hotels. The sea was muddy brown and the people were as tired and faded as the city itself. Antique trams rattled around and there seemed to be an air of despair around. The only happy people I saw were either drunk or about the get married..and hence drunk on their hen/ stag parties.

The saving grace was the sea. It roared and thundered and crashed and splashed. I sat there fascinated. I dont like water as it scares me..dont know how to swim..but the restlessness of the sea makes me peaceful for some vague reason. I can sit and watch the waves for hours. It was usual shell collecting for me when the tide went out. I now have a small collection of shells from various places. I was at peace near the sea and so the town did not bother me much.

Went to a circus there, after I dont know how many years. There were no animals but the show was good. I laughed a lot, and ate a lot of candy floss which made me a bit sick. But that is the idea aint it?
It was great to see a clown crack jokes and all kinds of acrobatics and stunts. It turned out to be an all female circus show that day, much to the pleasure of all the men who paid to get it. Also went up UK's tallest tower..well one of them. The Blackpool tower is Eiffel in aspiration. Now I need to go to Paris and see that one too. Have to, got to, must do..maybe when the summer finally DOES get here I will.

Next up is another trip to Edinburgh where in I am going to take a close look at the tombs and graves in the city which have now become a health and safety hazard due to drug addicts and junkies taking shelter in them. A lot of used syringes have been found there and a recent program on BBC showed how much has changed in the city due to drug usage. I want to check that out. Lets see!

Pictures from Italy

You can see here, the Uffizi Gallery, which is one the oldest and best museums in Italy, you can also see the tan I managed to pick up - I am standing at Ponte Vecchio an old bridge that over looks the River Arno in Florence, had to jostle an evil Japanese tourist and a loud, loved up Amerucan couple..to get space. Also seen is the Doumo about which I had written before.

Away from home?

As a reader of this blog I have a few simple questions to put to you...
Are you living away from home (place of origin, location of family, place where you grew up)? If so, I am assuming you miss them and are currently involved with doing something that needs doing..(job, education, traveling, deputation).
I was just wondering how many of us are in such places and spaces where we are away from those who we love the most and miss the most..
After a point in time we start to not miss people as much, we tend to 'settle down' and then get used to being away. At some stage details of the previous location fade away, like the pot hole on a street near your house, the building that's being built near the office, phone numbers of people you used to know..They fade, till you land home and have Eureka moments..Remembering things that had faded.
After some time celebrating occasions with the new family you accumulate around you becomes a regular feature..And now you have really 'settled in'.
I just wonder..If being away from home..Is really worth it at the end of the day. The people who love you the most are not going to be around for ever? They will love you forever anyways though..Whether you make an annual visit or a bi-annual visit. Its a tricky question coz you can look ahead if you keep turning back. But is this turning back? I wonder...

The world is not shrinking!

Nope..who ever said that and who ever agrees with it needs to think again. I bet its not shrinking. The reasons behind my vehemence is the travelling time it takes from one place to another.

On one hand we are the EU / the EEU and a tiny little village with small countries and smaller distances..well I am listing how much time it took me to come back from Italy to my house in UK. (transfers and waiting and cancellations included)

12 noon. I leave from Florence to Pisa.
Leave hotel, reach Station. Half an hour wait at Santa Maria Nouvella Station. After much running and translating..I did manage to get the ticket from a wandering bus driver... Who thought I should stay longer in Italy coz its SO nice!!

2.45 pm Reach Pisa Airport
This is after 40 mins of standing in a traffic jam on the 2 lane motorway, the Italians came out of the their cars, plenty of head shaking, loud curses and hand gesticulation followed...and then with a shrug of shoulders they setlled down and sat on the road side..in the sun and caught a few zzz's. Thats it...you vent your emotions and then you nap, coz there is no much else you can do!

3.00 check in to London flight.
Well the departures information screen did not show my flight for a LONG time..worried, I went and asked and was told..not to worry, flight is always late, much shrugging...I should come back and ask later. So coffee and one Dolcetta Siciliana later...I went back. No joy. it finally opened at 4pm. Bags done..I walked into duty free.

5.00 Departure to London.
Of course the plane is delayed...so I read my book and plug into the ipod. Fortunately they had more shops with coffee...so I drank some more. Boarding at Gate 22 it said. Gate 1- 4 on the ground floor and gates 22- 28 on the first floor. I dont pretend to be smart but this was a bit difficult to figure. Ofcourse the flight left only at 7.00pm

9.00 pm London Stansted
I ran, because I wanted to catch the straight train to my home town. I did not want to get into London city and then get out again..anyhow. I ran out of the aircraft, ran through Immigration, ran to the carousels..and waited, and waited. As often happens, my bags are the last ones that the carousels spits out.. Now I know I have missed the last train and there are no buses either at this hour on a Saturday.

10.10...after much running, dashing, too-ing and fro-ing..I get on to a 10.10 train that shall get me home by midnight...one taxi and I am home....hmph!
And so i am home!! Finally!!!
The only thing I dont get is the connection my travels have to howling children...for every second of every minute and every hour I have just told you about..their was a wailing kid near me, crying like no tomorrow..I dont know how and why this happens, but where ever I go there HAS to be a kid around..and no i am not talking about the oh-so-cute-while-it-sleeps Angel variety..No this is the demonically possesed, hyper ventilating, wanna-be-rock-singer type, cries loudly, with tears and snot..the works...ofcourse no amount of soothing noises, baby soothers, dummies or mummies help...they just howl, all the time...every time
I guess its just some Karmic link!

Dont want to travel again for a long time now :)

All done!

3 hard days of working till 11pm and 3 crazy nights at a youth hostel with a cross section of nationalities..met a spanish girl, a texan boy, a new zealand couple and an italian junkie. All of us sat and shared a bottle of wine and our views on Bush, tourism, wal-mart, Ikea and ofcourse Florence!
The 3 day conference on disaster management went well. I spent every free minute sitting in the sun. hoping to get tanned!! Nuh-uh!! Nothing happened..as white as before me thinks!
Have learnt some Italian, seen the David and the Uffizi Gallery. Eaten a tonne of sea food..which they spell as SEE Food...Done all the touristy bits and now its time to go. Time to pack and move before the next trip next month to another country!!
I met a pair of American teenagers who have been back packing across the planet for the past 8 months and are heading back home at the end of this month. They have covered all the continents and have a wealth of knowledge and a strong immune system thanks to this. We sat and chatted for a long time..and for the n-th time I found myself wishing...to do one of these back packing trips..Someday..sometime..before 30 I think!!
Anyways...the next post shall be from UK..and there shall be pictures!!

Wow factor

Ok so i am in Florence. It feels like I left home a long long long time ago...last minute packing, clearing the garbage, switching off the heating..and ofcourse deciding on what to take with me.
Anyways..
The Uff..dont want to go factors were:
- Heavy bags...as usual, like any female worth her salt...I have mighty plans for light travel and half an hour later I am lugging a bag which can compete with my body weight
- left at 1am from home for a 6.30 flight..so I was tired and hungry and sleepy..not to mention cold!
- leaving the loved ones back in UK was not good for my heart strings

Now to the WOW factors:
- woke up in the middle of the flight due to the light in the aircraft. Light that was bouncing off the Alps as the sun came out..they turned pinkish, then orange and then bright white in a matter of minutes. It was a moment when you thank the Lord for taking his time to make this planet.
- This place is crawling with Indians, Chinese (i guess that was to be expected) and ofcourse the Americans!!
- Its is unbearably hot and bright..its nice to not have to hold your breath at every stir of air. Its warm but there is a cool breeze.
- Travelling from Pisa to Florence by bus was idyllic..sun kissed Vineyards, red roofed cottages, lots of peacful scenery, typical Italian countryside with wild flowers and sun tanned kids playing in the fields.
- I walked to my place of stay and as i walked I was looking out for the Duomo which is the middle of the city...I did not know how, HOW huge it would be..its gianormous..could vie with the Taj Mahal I think. Its brilliant..I am waiting for the dark now to see what it looks like with its lights on.

As of now I am living with Gucci in front of me and Giorgio Armani behind me. There is Dutti, Prada and Chanel on either side...why oh why am I a student I wonder!!!

So far I have seen the posh ends of town around the Duomo and also the flea market which is behind it...as usual there are loads of Italian men who are born with a flirt gene!! Its amusing and amazing to see any age and type flirt :)

I shall now head back and eat the famous gelati (ice cream) and head home..more later!!

After 5 years

After 5 years I am heading to Italy again. The last time I went I was young, impractical and excited.
Now that I am being honest I think nothing much has changed ..except the young bit I think!

Well I am heading to where the sun does shine and its a glorious 28 degrees, unlike here where the sun DONT shine, its a cold wet 16 degrees C and its been raining for the past 3 days with no signs of stopping...whatever happened to global warming? huh?
kidding..we do need the rain as drought has been predicted this summer in parts of UK..but where I am...there is NO lack of water whatsoever!

Cant say I am looking forward to being lost, but there is something to be said about landing somewhere where you dont get the language, dont know the directions and have a pretty good idea about what you want to do! (which includes what you want to eat!! and Drink!!)
Just need to plan how to get what you want I guess..the story of my life!!!
But I think that is where the excitement kicks in, being lost... Going to yet another part of the planet, meeting yet another set of humans who are like and unlike me!

Last trip to Italy, I covered most of the important places and a few unimportant ones, but Florence was left out. This time I shall be covering the Duomo there and the Florentine craftsmen if I get the chance. Also want to see the Leaning tower of Pisa which apparently does not lean anymore! But what the heck I shall stand at an angle and get a touristy shot!

Adios amigos! Shall be back with pictures!

Being White

Is it my genes or is it my bad luck that I am one person who no one ever guesses is Indian. I don't look it, and that is mainly because I am fair enough to pass as English. Or that most people in this country think Indian comes with nice golden tan and lustrous black hair..not here..baby..I am not even close!
Now the question is not whether its good or bad. I just find myself amused at what people do to change their colour. It is a widely known fact that Fair and Lovely cream (a skin lightening Ointment, like Jolen) has its highest sales in Kerala and before you think that the women of the region are vain..wait a minute...more men use fairness creams in Kerala than women. So in India..being fair is good. The Matrimonial section in the newspaper always look for 'Tall, Fair, Slim, Convent educated girl' bearing in mind that the last bit is perhaps the only thing you can change about you, the rest being on genetic makeup, I dont think it is quite fair! (oops!)
However stepping out in India in the sun, makes a lot of my folks jump and tell me to not step out as I shall turn dark - scary word that is for an unmarried girl!!
Added to this is the common notion that drinking too much tea shall make you dark...I guess who ever coined that one never met English women, who would, if they could, attach tea via IV to themselves!
Here in UK, the sun's appearance is closely followed by a mad dash for a patch of light, sun cream, sun glasses, stripping to bare minimum clothes. When its sunny..all my friends rush towards to sun and come back red, however yours truly turns into Lobster and then back to white. The usual pain in the neck younger brother (the kind who can Never Ever compliment you..you know the kind?Right?)..well I get called 'dead body' at home by him.

So after much thought, and much disregard to advice...I have been trying to change my colour too. Just want to see if people will think I am Indian if I am passably brown!
so for a tan..I go..
Problem: anything but the sun shall change you into an Orangutan or a give you a streaky look.
Problem: the sun does not come out often enough in this part of the world
Problem: Have to go home on Holiday soon and I think the mother might just throw a fit.

Solution: I get a fake tan..sun bed/ sun cream/ whatever....
Solution: scrub it all off before I head to mum.

Last option. Give up, I am good, hell, I am brilliant the way I am. I like the way I am and I don't care if people think I am Italian, Greek, Spanish, Mexican..and wait for this one Bulgarian!!! I am me and I am happy like this!

Mind over matter

The matter right now is the fact that I have to write a thesis..and not just a thesis..I have to write a good thesis. From the looks of it, all the people who started research with me have quit! So I am the lone ranger working away on a thesis that is like never ending!
I did not think it would be this difficult to write! Did not know my 'academic' english is not as good as my spoken english! I think we researchers think in one language and write in another! Jargon it is!
So thats the matter, I have to write and I am writing.
The mind however is not in the work. I am busy thinking about people, places, things I want to do, things I have to do, things I should do and things I could do. As I write I think of alternate futures, paralell worlds I could have been in, turned right where I turned left, stopped when I kept going..and I wonder where I would have been. Though I like where I am now, I wonder if the past years of my existence would have shaped up differently if I had..done things differently..
Now I am stuck with a PhD I want to do but dont feel like it
I am stuck living this crazy life I like, but I am getting a bit sick of its pace..
And I have started moaning too much!
Argh!

Feminist thoughts

Read some very interesting blog entries this morning about size, sexiness and fashion. It was interesting to see how other people think about the need to be thin in order to look good. I thought about it, agreed with what I read and then went out for lunch.
In my lunch break I went to the shops. I walk into Marks and Spencer which have a 'count on us' range which is for the healthy eater. I saw shelves full of 5 bean salad, tomato and lettuce, tuna layer salads, gluten free sandwiches, sugar free juices, high fibre biscuits, low fat salad dressing, only 35 calories per slice of cheese sandwiches...the list went on..3 long aisles full of food to go.
Now was it me, or what I read before lunch..or was it actually true that there were only women shopping in those aisles. Now one would think maybe more women shop for food then men (as in domesticated roles, we should have cooked, packed or attached some sort of food to our male counterparts so they dont have to go hunting and gathering for their own food at lunch time).
But no..there were lots of men around..maybe it was attraction to the corporately dressed women, to the sunshine or perhaps to the food..but yes, uh-huh there were loads of men around..and all of them seem to be buying the standard English working day lunch of BLT sandwich, packet of crisps, bottle of Coke (not diet) and a bar of chocolate.
Is it me or is it true that us women have to look out for healthy food, we have to watch what we eat for fear of turning into a cow. Where no amount of brains and good that we do shall overcome our sin of being fat!
We should attempt at supermodel health and looks...now that can be easy...I can smoke 40 a day, drink 4 litres of water and follow mossy footsteps to a coke habit..and am not talking cola here. If this is what keeps some people on the cover of a magazine..and the face of perfume houses..I would rather be a cow. I would rather eat what I like, be curvy, be short, and be happy. I dont, ladies and gentlemen, care. I am happy being me. And wont be nobody's cow..adios... while I reach for my bar of chocolate!

The Art of doing Nothing

Nothing is difficult to define and difficult to do.
Just think, right now you are reading this blog, perhaps you have several other windows open (if you love Gates) on which you are doing other stuff...the computer is a good way to kill 'doing nothing'. the TV is yet another one coz you have to watch it..you have to answer a phone, you have to check email when on a machine..its a whole lot of things we do on auto pilot..and so when it comes to doing nothing...nothing at all...sit in one place and breathe..a lot of us cant do that.

Think of the last time you sat and did nothing, no thinking, no worrying, just nothing....because we plan our free time too. The growing number of holiday agents who plan your vacation for you..for it to be perfect and good and relaxing is some proof for this. If you have to plan every second of your free time..I think life will be very sad! It is important to do some unplanned...nothing.

When asked what do you do in your spare time..we do sometimes have to stop and think when was the last time I had spare time. And I have also noticed that I use the phrase 'I just have not had the time...' a lot of times. I sometimes wished that there were more hours in a day..and sometimes I wished for superhuman energy levels...alas I don't! I don't.
So I do the normal human thing. Make a load of targets, try and achieve them, tire myself out in the process, never agree or accept I am tired..and then I turn into my irritable baby mode..... I am sleepy and tired..and grumpy..so I grizzle and I snap and I moan and if I dont watch it I can wail too!! I hate this baby mode..coz then I have to be told to sleep or sit down and then do, the worrying..'Nothing'

That is exactly what I did after a long time this weekend. I tend to have a to do list which is just about as tall as me...and I also tend to think that I am some sort of wonder woman and can do just about everything I want in a day and also not get tired.

Here is a piece of my list...wash some clothes, get some food, email some friends, wish my cousins wife on her birthday, call and ask about new baby in the family, talk to friend who has gone to India, talk to friend across the Atlantic, paint the canvas that I have had for 6 months now, pack some clothes away for the winter, get some summer stuff out, buy some essentials for the summer, clean my house, meet my neighbor to see when he moves house, call sister, call mum and see how she is doing, come to work and get some files, take print outs and file papers for an upcoming conference, look for a missing earring.....this is a piece of the list..yup!!

....so I keep going, keep going till I cant anymore..then collapse to sleep / unconscious for 14 hours!

This weekend, which in UK was a long weekend as Monday was off...I thought of giving 'Nothing' a shot. As luck would have it, I had some friends over who are excellent at doing nothing. So we sat and did just that. All three days..while people outside were heading for yet another mass exodus in search of the sun, we sat inside, talked, sat, talked, ate..sat...did nothing. Went nowhere, called no one, played nothing, watched nothing, read nothing..just ultimate relaxation...

I should do this more often. Put away my lists, not take any pressure to plan a weekend off..and do something nice..or interesting..nothing. Just be at home, relax, read, eat and sleep..be a caterpillar for a few days..just chill...the only effort to be made should be breathing..eat and sleep....
and then...perhaps come out a butterfly...NAAAH!!!!
even being ambitious is tiring coz then you have to plan...nah...couch potato...is good enough for me!

Enthusiasm

Sometimes age tends to remind you of its existence at the weirdest of times. Yesterday I was out walking when I decided to run..just you know..a steady paced..dash...from point A to B, I dont know why ..I just wanted to run...and so I did. And behold a few hours later I get knocked out by back pain..which reminded me that... Nope I am no longer the person who ran from Mussorie to Dehradun in school marathons, or the one who played tennis endlessly in college, and I not quite the rock climber I was a few years ago..No-No I am the female who is steadily inching towards thirty!!
And looking forward to it too..I mean at 30 You have arrived...and if you have not..you need a quick assesment of whyever not. Now that shall be a seperate entry...30 and the dilemmas surrounding the number is something I am still thinking about...

The Best Things in Life are BAD FOR YOU!

Name anything you can like...chocolates, wine, alcohol, tobacco, women...name it...and if it is something you really really like I can bet my *** it will be bad for you.

I mean in a perfect world, living off chocolate, smoking 40 a day, drinking a shot or too and getting no exercise should have lead to a perfect body, a soul to match and baby soft skin. But Na-ah!!

To look and be perfect you must :
- Walk and run till you sweat
- Steer clear of anything that looks like it shall make you go ahhhh!!! with pleasure.
- Eat boiled stuff, positively no oil or sweet
- Drink enough water to drown
- Sleep early, wake up with the birds,
- Dont go to crowded clubs and pubs full of smoke

Boo hoo!! whoever made these rules was sadistic!! I think I shall think up some new ones of my own!

Sweetness

I admit I am not the sweetest person around and I also admit that the veRRRy sweet and veRRRy nice type of people tend to bug me a bit. I like people who are straight forward and upfront so I dont know if I am the only one who is tormented with forwarded emails which have trails and trails of addresses....a saccharine sweet story about a boy who wished for something for Christmas and the 'Good' Fairy gave it to him..and how I should forward this good fairy on to others in the next one hour or be met with bad luck!!

I mean on one hand you get this email which is sweetness and sunshine and right at the bottom is the evil destructive threat!!! I mean...Come On!!!
The other thing I dont like are those people who are always smiling and jumpy and bubbly and cheerful..I mean first thing in the morning on a Monday morning..

and its a HIYA!!!! How ARE you...did you have a nice weekend...oh god its so good to be back to work....
and I think...whhhhuuut? huh? You are glad to be at work? I mean I like my work...but I am NOT a happy bunny on a Monday morning..no way!!

The there are those who start every sentence with ' I cant possibly, no no...that is BAD..blah blah' I mean what are you afraid of? The Bad Fairy???

I always wonder how people are this sweet and nice all the time. There must be some time when they are mad, when they swear or when they are in a bad mood...Right???

Get a Lift!

Hands up those of you who have had the misfortune of getting stuck in an elevator, even short periods of time shall count.
I had my unnerving experience this morning. On the 12 floor of a building in town, the lift pings open, I get in, press G and wait...out of boredom I was staring around, saw a 'Men At Work' sign lying on the floor in one corner..obviously the men were at work, as I found out soon, but the men had forgotten to tell this woman what is happening.
The lift proceeding to becoming maniacal..went up, changed its mind, shot down with all sorts of groans and creaks to complete the picture, it swung and refused to respond to any thing of the buttons on the panel...I had visions of severed cables and me shooting down a bottomless pit and getting crushed.....So, I pressed the red alarm button which I have always wondered about...the conversation goes..

'hello'
'hello, I am calling from the lift in this building'
'hello, how are you'

I mean this is an emmergency button...and I would not call to make small conversation would I?..
What am I supposed to say,
'I am good, a bit stuck, but I am sure I will be ok'
'I am ok, just tired from a long weekend'
'I am ok, glad to have someone to talk to while I die in this elevator alone'

I mean COME ON!!!anyways...someone finally managed to get the lift to stop somewhere I could get off...and I did...panic attack happened though :)
Not paranoid but extremely thankful to the 'Men' who work on the lifts in my office because they make damn sure everyone knows when they are working on the lifts!

Exodus!

It looked like every one was going somewhere.
It looked like a mass exodus. Something right out of a weird American 'scare-yourself-silly' film.
There were 2.5 Million people flying out of UK over last night and tonight.
There were 1 Million people on the motorways.

Easter has arrived and has brought with it 2 national holidays and people desperate for the sun running out of the country, even its only 4 days. As usual there are delays on the motorways, pileups, jams and delays at the airports too!! I left too...but only to come to Scotland..I know its different country..but not the same as Spain :) before anyone of Scottish lineage jumps...I dont need a passport to travel to Scotland!

Anyways..point is..its a bit like Akbar/ Birbal when someone asked Birbal how many pigeons live in Delhi..and he says 20,000 any more and they are visitors, any less and they have gone visiting :)
Craziness!

Lost Forever

I have lost the one thing that I held most dear to me. The one thing that I loved more than anything else. The only thing that could make me smile and feel comforted at all times. The only thing that gave unconditional love at all times to me. The small thing that I bottle fed and potty trained. The one thing that made me wish I was home!
Tweety. My dog died on Saturday 8 April. I cant believe it she wont be there at home to welcome me in. She wont be there to lick me awake and share my duvet. She wont be there to beg for a bone when I am eating meat. She wont be there with a leash in her mouth to take her for a walk. She wont be there on the terrace with me to soak the sun. She wont be there with her unwavering love and her warm eyes, her droppy ears and her furry body. She wont be there. She was my baby, the little 3 week old pup that slept on my pillow, and was spoon fed with baby formula, she shared my food, licked my tears and listened patiently to all my woes. Watched Friends on the TV and went crazy every time I gave her a bath. She watched over my breakfast every time I ate Salaami. She gave dirty looks to my 'outside' shoes coz it meant I would go away. She would sit in my suitcase everytime I would pack to go. She holds the record of the bearer of highest number of kisses ever received! I will miss her 'I LOVE YOU SO MUCH' look..that she had in her eyes every time she looked at me...I will really really miss that.
The tears dont stop falling, my mind refuses to register her death...

Are you covered?

All of us have friends...I am assuming here..but maybe I am right..you do have friends..some you like, some you love, some you want to be like, and some who you like just coz you can pull their legs!

Think of the closest friends you have...a few names might pop straight into your mind when asked this question. Oookaaay! Does your friendship go back a long long way? Is that why you are friends..coz you have history together?
Would these people drop anything and everything and rush to you if you really really needed them?
Do you need to be in touch constantly to keep the friendship growing or is it easy to catch up in no time via phone calls?

I just realized in a naive way that sometimes people come into your life and become really close and good friends, when you really need them. They are god sent..they were people who you once knew kinda..and then they became really close..and now you think back and you cant remember how you became friends to start with.
On the other hand there are those few who you have counted as your best mates for a long time but you have not really been around them for a long time..and they have not been there while you have gone through ups and downs.
There are those few as well, who have the ability to kick your butt when you need it, hold your hand when you need it held, shake you up when you are being weird and generally be brutally honest at most times and laugh with you on silly jokes.. but they are always there..somewhere..near you or far, you always know where they are.
Now this is not pigeon holing..these are just qualities of people who make life worth living and sharing!! And if you have any or many of these types in your life..you ARE covered for any eventuality..good or bad! Lucky You!

Read back...I could have made this into one of those 'pass this onto all your closest friends to let them know they are loved' type of forwards!!! EEYUCK! No...no..
This is just..to think and remember those funny, shitty, sad, lovely, crazy, scary and possibly just weird times you have had with some of your best friends..possibly drunk nights, possibly long walks, possibly all night conversations, long emails..the works...but those people..who make you want to sometimes say..Phew!! Thank God for you!!

Spring Has Sprung

The sun is shining outside, nice and bright. Its hot in the sun and cold in the shade. I dont know if I want my jacket on or off. I feel hot in full sleeves and cold in the sleevless one. Boots are too warm and shoes are too cold, sandals are out of question.
The daffodils are out and so are the irises and snowdrops...
After months of skies which mourned,
after weeks of wind that howled,
after days of endless frost and snow,
the sun is finally starting to glow!! (whey-hey that ryhmes!!)
Boy Am I glad or...am I glad its sunny and spring is here. Spring and summer are the only two redeeming features of this cold wet Island called United Kingdom. Its beautiful every where you look. April showers shall happen I am sure, but they dont last for long!

As you can guess it is one of those 'glad-to-be-alive days'

Feminism anyone?

'Feminism is a diverse, competing, and often opposing collection of social theories, political movements, and moral philosophies, largely motivated by or concerning the experiences of women, especially in terms of their social, political, and economic inequalities.' Wikipedia.

Not completely unexpected bearing in mind the previous post...here is a small list of the types of Feminism that exist! Shall not allow this to become a diatribe of sorts, just possibly introduce some of you to the phenomenon, if I can call it so, of Feminism.

Subtypes of feminism

Amazon feminism - Anarcha Feminism - Anti-racist feminism - Black Feminism - Chicana Feminism - cultural feminism - ecofeminism - equity feminism - existentialist feminism
French feminism - gender feminism - individualist feminism (also known as libertarian feminism)
lesbian feminism - liberal feminism - male feminism or Pro-feminist men
Marxist feminism (also known as socialist feminism) - material feminism - pop feminism
post-colonial feminism - postmodern feminism which includes queer theory
pro-sex feminism (also known as sexually liberal feminism, sex-positive feminism)
psychoanalytic feminism - radical feminism - separatist feminism - socialist feminism
spiritual feminism - standpoint feminism - third-world feminism - transnational feminism
transfeminism - womanism - Certain actions, approaches and people can also be described as proto-feminist or post-feminist.

Learn more about Feminism here.

Dont like Women!

So far this blog has had some feminist thoughts and a lot of male bashing..I am not changing my opinion about men (which I shall probably air at length later) but I am talking about the women.

As of now I can think of 4 types...

The Practical one - She is smart enough to catch on to jokes and innuendos of all sorts. She is educated and confident. Quick enough to put you back in your place should you grow bigger than the proverbial boots. Calm enough to know how to handle people and situations. Down to earth and sometimes gets counted as one of the guys. When she messes up there are big tears and then she bounces straight out. She is a great friend but is rarely the first to come to mind when you want a date. In case of attraction you would think twice before suggesting a relationship - she might just laugh aloud at the very thought.

Applicable names (could be used to call her or she uses to call her friends) : friend, mate, pal and preferably the proper name without short forms
Non Applicable names : babe, babes, baby, sugar, sweetie
Type: Likeable. Rarely found without much hunting.

The Smart but not really - She thinks she is smart but she is not really. She is under confident and hence bitchy about every female in sight. She is competitive when faced with any other female and thus comes across as false. On her own without male attention she might be a sweet person. She is dressed right to be 'cool' , fashion victim at its best. She likes to be seen at the right places with the right people. She is a perfect scape goat for smart ass type men who shall pull her leg and she will not even know it. Not straight forward due constant agendas on her mind. Constant hair flicking over shoulders is a give away for this type.

Applicable names (could be used to call her or she uses to call her friends): short versions like Archana - archie, Vandana to Vandz, Jasmine to Jaz, as well, woman, or a male pet name like Chuck, Tony etc. Also Darling, sweetheart.
Non Applicable names: kiddo, kid, dear, sugarplum and sweetums
Type. Hard to like. Found everywhere, probably one sitting right next to you right now!

The Cute but dumb type - very sweet, very pretty, dressed well or probably baby doll style. Does not know her own name after a long sleep. No debates or pretences about being a bit slow. Straight forward and honest however. Easy to be with apart from the habit of stopping, reversing and peering into every reflective surface to check make up is still in place, also picking bits out of nails.

Applicable names(could be used to call her or she uses to call her friends): sweetie, honey, darling
Non applicable names: her own name, the proper names of people (tough to remember)
Type. Like-able but not someone you can fall back on. Readily found at all locations.

The helpless hapless variety -cant do anything right, 'silly me' phrase commonly used. Rarely found in female company. Good arm candy. She looks good and needs a strong smart man to 'take care' of her. She is smart inside but is the kind who uses lash fluttering to get things done. Does nothing much coz her nails might get damaged. Fashion victim at her best, but sometimes a steely personality can be found underneath. Makes a perfect date but not really in the long run. Low boredom threshold. Giggles a lot with lot of head shaking to setlle her hair into place. Low cleavages are commonl;y visible here.
Applicable names(could be used to call her or she uses to call her friends): HIYA and air kissing. Honey, babes, babe, baby, bunny, sweetie
Non applicable names: Never her own name or woman or smarty.
Type. Tough to like, even tougher to accept. Commonly found in elevators, restaurants, long queues, offices where paperwork is needed, also on the road with flat tyres.

Generator for Happiness

We are responsible for our own happiness. Sometimes it is derived from others, but at most times we generate it ourself.
Yesterday I met a friend who has made a tough decision to chase her own happiness. It has meant taking a risk but believing in yourself and your decision. She was confident and I am sure she shall find her happiness.
Later on I met a friend who has been chasing his ambitions in his career and is focussed on making profits for his company and he believes that shall make him happy. A succesful meeting which has got him a load of investment has made him happy.
As I sat down at night to read the newspapers I was thinking about what makes me happy and if I am happy right now or not. I am happy. I could be happier and I know how. I shall chase that.
Its just that sometimes what makes you happy makes others unhappy and then you have to sit on the fence. But do you really? Anyone who cares about you would want YOU to be happy. And you chasing your own happiness should not be perceived as a selfish act.
Happiness is also now being used as an important factor in Policy making..as governments aim at deciphering what makes people happy. And Bhutan has a Gross National Happiness formula.

Hit!

Would you hit someone if you are really really angry, irrespective of the sex of the person?
Would you start a fight because you are angry enough?
Would you start a fight knowing you will not win it?
Would you hit someone bigger and stronger than you?
Would you hit a child who is not listening and driving you absolutely mad?

We all know of violence in pubs, clubs, marriages, parenting, football stadiums...So I ask...

Why do people hit other people? I am sure that everyone of us has hit something or someone out of anger at some point of time? Is violence insitgated by emotions (upset/angry) justified?

Some of us maybe pacifists and dont believe in shouting and violence, but would you then hit out at someone who is constantly hurting you? Or would you try and talk them out of it? Is violence in self defence acceptable?

Sitting on the fence here!

Sacred Technology

When you mix whats sacred with technology you get a hybrid mix of religiously symbolic things mixing with what you see in stores..I shall not continue to confuse you...take a look yourself at the Buddha Machine I did not, could not and would not believe it.
The Buddha Machine is a hardware loop player, built kind of like a little AM radio (available in 6 different colors, shipped randomly), but without all the nonsense -- total genius from out of nowhere. check out www.fm3.com.cn

Happy New Year

Its new year for the Kashmiri pandits, tomorrow is navreh or Nauroz as we call it. The start of spring. The traditional thali with the rice and the walnuts and the mirror, gold, sweets and calendar needs to be set up. I was (as usual) thinking back of the many Nauroz's I have spent at home, when I have woken up and called mum to bring me the thali so I can see my own face first thing in the morning. I would be happy to put tika on everything including my own forehead!

Tradition demands I fill in the thali tonight, which I shall do. Though it shall have a Galaxy chocolate on it..no mithai around! Afsos!
Tradition demands new clothes to be worn. This is being done, ofcourse!!!
Tradition demands I take the thali to the people in my family..no one here!!

In contrast to tradition the order to shop for new clothes and to celebrate came over SMS from mum. Things have moved on!!!

Doctor or Lawyer

Having met both at the same time in my life, I was not quite sure which one I prefer. Would I prefer to be stuck with legal matters which require trips to the court and meeting a lawyer ever so often...or would I prefer to go back and forth to a hospital? Meet doctors to sort a problem.
What would you prefer ill health and no legal matters?
Legal matters in perfect health?
I know perfect health and no legal issues seem to be the best option...but no..not here..think about it.

Just another day

Just another day in prison, just one more young person who turned to crime, who could not tolerate the oppressive enrionment. Decided the way out was the permanent exit from life. One more statistic.
I really dont know if I should feel sorry or not for him. I was not a victim to the crime he committed so it makes it easy I suppose.
Its tough to sit on judgement if you have more than one perspective.

Food!

Being the kind who can just about cook and so survive, I am so keen to eat good things, the thought of it makes me want to go back home. Last night I dreamt that a person was severely criticizing my cooking skills, or lack of. I was being asked to make this..which I could not make, that...which I had not heard of and was being told I am a useless person to have in the kitchen. Boo Hoo! I am glad I woke up.
Now..I am thinking..for a person who loves good food, and it very picky about it it makes sense for me to know how to cook. However I cant make use of the traditional Kashmiri cuisine cooking classes. Where in the mother in law taught the newly married daughter in law how to marinate pickles, how to cook good food for the husband and how to make things which are over all healthy and good to eat. I dont think that is quite possible in todays day and age.So I shall not be able to use that line of learning.
Option 2 being stealing all of my mum's hand written cook books and using those...which is not possible as she is in India.
Option 3 is to look for good food around where I live. The only good thing available in this city is Aloo parathas (potato pancakes) and Chola bhatura (chick peas with fried bread).
The last resort seems to be to give up on good food and live on Ramen or Maggi or Chinese take away. I suppose the lastest resort is to marry someone who knows how to cook decent food :) Do I love food that much, ummm...I dont know!!

KISS

Keep It Simple Stupid..seems to be the best philosophy in life. Men being men can not and will not even try and understand any thing simple. Basic. They are born solvers. They want to solve things and the things they cant solve they mistrust or laugh off as unimportant. Women see things from a strange perspective and can easily complicate the simplest things in life. So KISS-ing seems to be the only solution. But you cant over simplify things either, it makes people feel stupid, you cant complicate things it will make them suspicious or worse still confused. and Confusion in the male world is closely followed by lack of interest, what is not easy to figure out is not worth figuring out! Move on....watch some TV..thats simple.
To all the women who are reading this now..have you ever felt that you are talking a different language from what the men speak and understand? Felt frustrated enough to say aloud 'Now how can I explain this to you?' or worse still ' I cant explain this to you, you wont understand what I am saying'
To all men reading this, have you ever......NEVER MIND!!! you wont get what I am on about here!
Argghhh!!!

Different

After much planning and thinking and planning and running..I reached...I talked...I am assuming I conquered from the response I got from the crowds to my lecture. They lent me their ears and I abused those ears for about an hour.
My travels to a vague land were amusing and entertaining. It made me realise how huge, vast and strange our planet is. Landing in a set of islands that become on frozen landmass in the winter months due to the sea freezing was tough to picture in my head. Watching boats that need no anchors because the water will not take them anywhere was weird.

Then meeting people who could sit and still be at the same level as me while I stand was amusing, average height in Norway...is JUST too damn high! I am not tall even from Indian standards, but needing to sit at the very edge of a chair just to keep my feet on the ground (I can see an irony there...be on the edge to keep feet on the ground)..anyways...I sat back to rest my poor back and had feet dangling off the edge of the chair..a feeling that I have not had since I was about 10 years old I think.

Being in a brand new place with no idea of directions was strangely familair..6 years ago it felt that way being in UK...so I was lost for a while, then got my bearings.

The thing is...location, weather and food change, colour of eyes, skin and height change, profession and occupation change, but people remain the same. Women still want to be in love with the best possible man, children still want to scream and shout at every landing and take off, men want to sit and be left alone to watch TV in every culture, hushed tones of mothers around an insomniac child are there in every language, politicians bugging people exist around the globe.
It is a revelation. We are different and we want to same things in life. Amusing.

Stars

I tried my best..I could not. I could not take a photograph of the bright stars last night. The proximity to the pole, the cold clear weather, or the lack of pollution. I dont know which one of these or what combination. But yesterday I could think of nothing else...I was standing in -15 degrees outside a restaurant in Oslo..and I was silly enough to look up. Oh boy! I have never ever seen such big HUGE stars...in a cliched way..it did feel like I could reach up and grab them. They were just TOO close..and too big and twinkly..crystal clear...wow. They look like diamonds in the sky...very twinkle twinkle...very nice. I am amused and surprised and also quite glad I came here.
Today I shall visit the Fjorde and the Munch Museum, and then get back to good old England.
It was a joke trying to use to net here...ek to everything is in Norwegian and the kerboard is strange as well. I feel like quite a gaon ki gori here with technology..not that I am any good with technology otherwise Ø)...cant make a smileyØ) they dont use colons or semi colons here apparently..and the laptop is dead thanks to no conversion plugs!! why cant some one standardise things in this world!!
More Travels Later!

New Planet

I am in a stunning location right now. After seeing planet earth i was sitting and thinking how strange and weird and astonishing our planet is.
And now I am sitting in what looks like a country carved out of snow. Its mountains, it rivers, its lakes are frozen white. Being so close to the North Pole means its got this strange quality to its light..not only does the sun turn up at about 120degrees it stays there and thats it. The air is clear and so the colours look vey different. Strangely clean with the tallest people I have ever seen in my life, this place is amazing me. I shall add some pictures on my photoblog soon. This is Oslo, Norway. I am here for a few days and its a stunning place, with the most radical landscapes ever. Just drinking it in and adding fuel to the fire for the need to travel that lives not too far from the surface inside me.

The problem with travelling

All my bags are packed,
Ready to go,
I am standing here,
Outside your door.
Yup!! Once again I am ready to go...go to a brand new space and place. Not knowing what I shall find..and it gives me a buzz :D I like travelling whether alone or not, but to new places. Its exciting. I feel like a kid.
And then despite these advanced years of mine, I have parents worrying or as Ma says 'concerned' not worrying. Who would like to know..if I am ok. Have reached etc etc (since I am going alone) its amusing and endearing. Is it not amusing how at some level despite what we do, what we learn and where we reach, we shall always be little children to our parents. Its something to accept and live with. That bit I can live with.
I have often wondered, I have lived alone, travelled a lot, a lot of times on my own, yet the parents think..and think, they get concerned and want to know about my safety. And then comes the whole, if you were with 'someone' we would not be so worried, then its two of you and the other person will look after you etc etc. That bit I have trouble accepting. Am I incomplete on my own? Do I need another person to make me more responsible and safer? I wonder. Its an eternal topic of arguement with mum.
Is it just me, over protected, baby sister of the family? Or do men have the same problem. I wonder.

No English Please

'..You say it best,
when you say nothing at all..'
I think its amazing that people all over the world speak so many languages. I also think its amazing how we (the English speaking lot) think and sometimes assume that others shall speak it too so we can get along without problems. But not everyone speaks English, in some cases they do, but they wont..eg France. They dont like the English and English.
I am having particular problems translating maps from a different language into English so I can get about. The problem gets compounded when you change the script as well. So :( make me realise how little I know about this big place that we inhabit. Also makes me want to travel more to places where language will be a barrier and see how to get along and get around. hmm!

Fog Index

New word and new formula for those who read and write complicated texts. Given to me in yet another training by the Dean of Research at my university.

We have to 'endeavour' to keep the FOG INDEX of our thesis low (between 30 - 40)

Fog Index = Number of words in a sentence X number of syllables in the longest word in that sentence.

any higher that 40 makes the text 'foggy'. Interesting use of the word and interesting formula as well. I am quite surprised that most people in academia dont use this thumb rule to make text more readable.

Teach

'Those Who Can, Teach' is a UK Government initiative to lure (invite) more and more people to the teaching profession. Golden handshakes and high number of paid holidays plus flexible teaching hours make this area of work look very interesting. Teachers are paid as much if not more than doctors here (if you include the amount of holidays they get) But why is this country still short of teachers? Desperately short?

Well..remember your school days, when the worst thing that could happen to you was a letter or phone call going home to your parents?
Or PTA meetings when the teacher would shake his/her head in sympathy for parents whose child is beyond redemption?
Remember the fear of failing an exam or worse still falling ill before the exams?
And minutes before the exam when a friend asks..'did you take a look at that, that is sure to come' and you think DAMN...i should have stayed up longer last night.
You wished you teacher Good morning even if they met you in a market in the middle of a Saturday afternoon. You call them Ma'am even after years of getting out of school.

Well..all this is missing. You cant fail students in this country. Nope..you cant fail them till they reach year 10. You cant tell them off cause it might cause trauma. You can complain to the parents because they can sue you for offensive behaviour. You can not tell a child to study hardeer / apy attention/ stop being silly, cause then you are bullying them. The student on the other hand can blame you for stress, tension and bullying. Can spit at you and abuse you verbally, you are not allowed to defend yourself in case of a physical attack.

The list goes on. But it does make you understand why people dont want to teach.
Yet I teach. Dont know why!

I think I think too much

I really think that I spend a lot of time thinking. Thinking things which are not always useful or problematic...I just start thinking and then get lost somewhere in my thoughts. I think positive thoughts, happy thoughts, negative thoughts, money thoughts, job thoughts, how is my family living so far away thoughts, should I stay in UK thoughts, PhD is a pain in the butt thoughts. Just a tiny set of simple thoughts..
Other than this there are the triggered by visual stimuli thoughts, this place is pretty thought - links to - that place was similar - to - I must go to Cornwall thoughts - which leads to - i do like travelling thoughts - and then where should I go next thoghts. Often the trigger is someone looking happy / sad / worried..and i think...what could be the matter, poor thing, I wonder if they have someone to speak to...
Then there is the pure none of my business line of thinking..wonder where she is going at this time, oh my god what is that, is purple the new black, when was the last time i saw a man with a long single braid, what do scots wear under kilts, why is this child crying, who cleans the windows of the towering office blocks, does chewing gum ever come off the pavement...
There are also idle thoughts..castles in the air thoughts...the hmm...I do SO wish this happens type..I shall not list those but shall stop by saying..they make me smile, they make me dream, they make me wish and want to pray!

Life = Game

Went for training for about job interviews for Doctoral Students, says Iwan the instructor,

"It's a bit like life really, a game, there are rules,
some you know, some you dont,
some get made up as you play,
some seem fair and others not so much,
but once you are in it, you have to play"

Interesting...Life = Game..I agree you HAVE to play...or you would not be alive, but I think rules are something you have to make yourself...or you will not be too happy for too long. Other people's rules are for them, some you can use, some are not applicable. So...think about this one!

Being Female

I have just read some bogs about female molested and harassment that plagues Indian society..Let me be politically correct and say it was written with Bombay in mind..
Read this.. Irrespective of age and gender, I can assure you, you will feel something..
http://knownturf.blogspot.com/2006/03/streets-stories-strategies

I was just reminded after a long time of living in the British Society where I feel relatively safe what it is like to be female. I do walk around on my own, go for early morning sun rise gazing and come back from the gym at 10.30pm, walking on my own. I also go out for the occasional drink with my friends and come back on my own. I was reminded sharply of what it was like to be in Delhi and be female. This is not a comparison of UK Vs India..Maybe it is at some level.

The main point being, Annie has just written what all females have gone through at some point of time or the other. Some person grasping my behind as I get off a bus, someone reaching for my breasts while I look at something, some one touching my hand apparently by mistake...all signs of a lecherous society. I am not a violent person but the only time I have actually hit anyone, with the intent of hurting was in a bus in India. Coming back from college I was in a bus, thinking nice 17yr old thoughts. Perhaps wearing a sleeveless collared shirt with trousers was the crime...this man decides to feel up my entire arm and push his hand into my shirt from behind..it was for the nth time that I had been harassed in this way..I lost it. A punch kind of slap (coz the anger makes you curl your hands and you have never ever hit anyone) was delivered across his face..my hand hurt for weeks. I reached home and had a bath for a long long long time..all the time crying hot tears of anger. I hit someone, but I can honestly say, if I did have a gun, I would happily shot the man. It was horrid. I still remember it clearly.

What I dont get is why we are asked to forget it, to not go out alone, to not wear what we please...there is a long list of nots. Why cant men keep their hands to themselves, it might save a lot of us a lot of hurt.

What I was talking about earlier was that in UK, I have rarely come across this. The odd drunk person might attempt at feeling you up, but they dont really do such things. I have not come across it outside pubs and clubs where you are already quite aware of your surroundings, perhaps wearing a tonne of clothes to keep the cold out helps, perhaps easily available female options who perceive molestation as complementary help. I dont know about respect for women, what I do know is they might be more forward here in demanding equality, what I also know is they stand by you and with you and shout along and possibly punch anyone who comes near you with a negative intent...I dont claim to love UK, but I do think I feel much safer here as a female.

but maybe its not that. A colleague of mine who is blonde, blue eyed and attractive works in India as a researcher, she finds that Indian men do not understand the word NO. They assume that any female at the receiving end of their attention should either stay shut and take it politely or walk away. However she has no reason to complain, coz she is female and come on a Guy will be a Guy..

Perhaps I am not making sense. Perhaps I am just too annoyed just thinking about it. I have just been jolted back to memories of why-oh-why thoughts, of innumerable baths to wash off the feel of groping hands, the memories of walking with a scowl and being a defensive prickly female. I am just dejavued.

Shiva

In Honour of the great Kashmiri celebration of Maha Shivratri or Herath, a picture of the Shiva I pray to.

United Colours of London

Skies so grey it takes a long time to remember blue again. Yet a city so vibrant you wonder if any other place comes close in comparison.
The Tube is warm and comforting..though stifling. Bodies pressed together with lack of care about sex, size, age or destination.
Out from the bowels of the earth, spat out from the edge of an escalator the cold air hits. The air is laden with pollutants, expensive perfumes and tourists in many languages.
Living in London is like living on a slice of pizza.. you will find just about everything you could imagine and beyond. People of every type that God ever created. It is like an advert for Benetton.
However I do sometimes wonder how deep the United goes though :)

Thick Japanese

Its a matter of time before we pull out our judgement scales and see if the person who we are talking to or spending time with is intelligent enough. Does intelligence have to anything to do with academic qualifications? Which would make me intelligent...but I aint that smart.
Does it have to do with the human ability to sense and understand without explanation?
And does intelligence gaurantee a good personality? I dont think that one is true, I know a lot of PhD holders who are not worth the time of the day.

My friend cracked a howler on the weekend about intelligence:

Josie (part South Indian, part Japanese) : Japanese is a tough language
Nabil (part English, part Syrian): I know, a friend of mine spent 2 years trying to learn it
Josie : There are over 2000 characters and more than those many ways of writing it
Nabil : How is that?
Josie : You see, the amount of pressure you put on the paint bursh determines what letter you write...and you have to memorise pressure of a thousand characters..
Nabil : hmmmm...I see, Boy!! You would never ever meet a thick Japanese then!
In this way, all space scientists, doctors, academicians should be brilliant people.

Now I aint smart, but this aint right? Is it?

Lazy Church Mouse

Empty fridge and rumbling tummy...worst combination which attacks the single variety of people.
It has been one of those days, when you think...yeah yeah I will get up, go buy some vegetables and fruits and cook some healthy food...and then you drink Coca Cola and have some Pizza and go to sleep. There was nothing to eat in my house last night..so I had instant noodles..Maggi variety..
A burst of enthusiasm and visit to the gymn later..I was home with bags full of Chinese food ingredients. Loads of things from Lemon Grass upwards, prawns and squid..you name it, I bought it.
Now...I cant be bothered to cook...naahh...some tea and toast, shower and bed. Weekend starts tonight...shall cook tomorrow..
My cupboards are full and stomach is not. But you know the deciding factor is....the backside ..and as of now it decides not to get up!!

Close enough?

Whether you are in a relationship or not..have you ever pondered over these?
- are you close enough to be able to bare your deepest darkest thoughts and fears to this person? Would you want to? Even at the risk of being judged?
- are you best friends and share everything? Or do you need your close friends to talk things out?
- are there things about you, only you know and you have no intentions of sharing these with anyone else? does this make you uncomfortable?
- How important is acceptance by family if you are perfect for each other and you are happy with this person?
- Would you want to change anything about the relationship? And are you able to talk about this?

I think...when you meet the other half of your soul..you are complete and whole. You are not afraid of judgement and breakups, you are not afraid of bearing your soul, laughing aloud, wearing mismatched clothes, crying over old thoughts and sad films. You are not afraid to expose your silly thoughts and fears, your inspirations and tunelessly sing the naffest of songs. Its perfection. Hope you have found it, and so recognise it..or will soon!

Action, Choices and Karma

From Chapter 4, The Bhagawad Geeta.

The ancient seekers of liberation also performed their duties with
this understanding. Therefore, you should do your duty as the
ancients did. (4.15)

Even the wise are confused about what is action and what is
inaction. Therefore, I shall clearly explain what is action,
knowing that one shall be liberated from the evil (of birth and
death). (4.16)

The true nature of action is very difficult to understand.
Therefore, one should know the nature of attached action, the
nature of detached action, and also the nature of forbidden action.
(4.17)

Attached action is selfish work that produces Karmic bondage,
detached action is unselfish work or Seva that leads to nirvana,
and forbidden action is harmful to society. The one who sees
inaction in action, and action in inaction, is a wise person. Such
a person is a yogi and has accomplished everything. (See also 3.05,
3.27, 5.08 and 13.29) (4.18)

A person whose all works are free from selfish desires and motives,
and whose all Karma is burned up in the fire of Self-knowledge, is
called a sage by the wise. (4.19)

Having abandoned attachment to the fruits of work, ever content,
and dependent on no one (but God); though engaged in activity, one
does nothing at all (and incurs no Karmic reaction). (4.20)

Free from desires, mind and senses under control, renouncing all
proprietorship, doing mere bodily action, one does not incur sin
(or Karmic reaction). (4.21)

Content with whatever gain comes naturally by His will, unaffected
by dualities, free from envy, equanimous in success and failure;
though engaged in work such a person is not bound (by Karma).
(4.22)
Those who are devoid of attachment, whose mind is fixed in
knowledge, who does work as a Seva to the Lord, all Karma of such
liberated persons dissolves away. (4.23)

Cartoons

I have just woken up to the frenzy caused by Danish Cartoons...hmmm..sites are being hacked and threatened. Hmm. I wonder why no one took much notice when M.F Hussain painted Indian goddesses nude. hmmm.
I dont think it is right to resort to 'fighting' against freedom of expression. Who does it and which side it is matters not. We should have one rule that applies to everyone. But who makes those rules..not Mr Bush I hope.
I just think that fundamentalism of any sort is wrong. Exchanging shoes and looking at it from another persons point of view might be the only way out.
Still thinking about this one....

Travel Buzz

Whether it is the Sagitarrius in me, or my dads genes, I dont know. But I love to travel, I love the idea of buying tickets, packing bags, and sitting on a plane/ train/ bus/ car...and off to see a brand new place. I think the fact that I love coming back home helps. The idea of a new place, people, sights, food, smells and strange cultures, markets is very very appealing. I think far too many of us spend too much time thinking, someday I will, sometime soon I shall, I really should do that, I wish I could, I think I should..thoughts...one should just Nike it. Do it!

Not a Man Hater

Nope. I am not a Male bashing enthusiast. I like men, to a certain degree. And I am straight. I dont think they are all miserable whatevers, have some pretty nice guy friends and also acquaintances, cousins, neighbours etc etc who are all men and pretty decent ones at that. So I dont think I would like to generalise the male species :) However I have met my more than fair share of pathetic, sad, strange, weird (Deleted Curses) men. And I am glad I have had the gumption to steer clear of them.

Bulls and Cows

Well, I have come out of the pile of paperwork that was burying me. Have been busy and now that the work is done..there is a BIG hole in my life, the hours I had been spending working are now..well..relatively free. So I am busy catching up with sleep and rest and reading and ofcourse food.

Reading a book called Animal Husbandry..which talks about Old-Cow, New-Cow theory..which is basically just that once a male (read Man) finds a female (new cow)he is quite interested in her and chases her till he gets her. Once he gets her, she becomes old cow. Now he looks for a new cow and the cycle continues. The old cow cant fool the male with deceptively new appearances (read change of clothes, makeup and perfume)The theory is based on animal behaviour (chimps and cows) where a Bull will not mate with the same cow more than once and the fact that perhaps only 3% of mammals practice monogamy....it makes an interesting read for women and men.

Still reading and thinking...

Man / Men

From Princess Ida, Act II

"Darwinian Man, though well behaved,
At best is only a monkey shaved."

"Man will swear and man will storm─
Man is not at all good form─
Is of no kind of use─
Man's a donkey ─ Man's a goose─
Man is coarse and Man is plain─
Man is more or less insane─
Man's a ribald ─ Man's a rake,
Man is Nature's sole mistake!"

Life Changing...

Trying to make a list of things that can completely change your life, for better or for worse is not at debate:
- Falling completely in love
- Getting married (even if you were living together)
- Moving town or worse still country
- Sudden illness or death of some one you are close to
- Natural/ unnatural disasters Earthquake , 9/11 category
- Babies

Crazy night..

It was one of those nights, when you are SO tired you cant think straight. When you just want to lie in bed and become unconscious..tiredness kills, they say in this country, take a break.
I did. I did go to sleep at about midnight, only to awaken to strange dreams and myriad thoughts..the A-Z thinking started again (Thought labyrinth - 20 July , 2005)
The river by which I live, was throwing rippling reflections on my roof at 4.30 am, they look pretty in the daylight, but halogen light reflects creepily on water at night. Stayed awake, thinking till 7.00am, tried to sleep..but could not for some vague reason. So had tea, which DID NOT help. I was wide awake now, so got some books and tried to read myself to sleep - development theories generally do put me to sleep, but not this morning..so after 4 hours of sleep, 4 cups of tea, one sandwich and 3 and a half books..I am still awake and trying to function.
And now tiredness is trying to kill me. I have tonnes to do before I start teaching again tomorrow..and I dont know if another 12 hours of working hours is enough. Shall stop blogging and get back to work.

Arrested

I have been working on something very important. Lately I have been obsessed with this work to the extent that I feel I have been under house arrest. I came home from work on Friday and have only stepped out for about an hour or so since then. Today it felt a bit strange coming out of the house after being indoors for so long. Feels mighty strange. I think it is not a good idea to have internet at home. Laziness enhancement it is...very bad!! One must step out for a breath of fresh air and exercise everyday..I sound like the Queen now...bearing in mind it is freezing outside..you have to be crazy to want to be out at this time of the year. Global warming..not evident where I live.

Smarty Pants here..

Yes...someone introduced me to it...and I spent most of two hours doing it. I got addicted. Have entered the hall of fame. admittedly with a little bit of help from a friend who knew about ASCII chart ..I did not know there was something like that :D also could not remember Kurt Cobain's name.

completed all 28..

pit your brain powers against this one from IIM Indore

http://www.iimi-iris.com/iris/irising/klueLESS/

Laziness is directly proportional to Patience

I discovered this today when I stood and waited for a lift for a good 5 mins or more...patiently so, while other people huffed and puffed and took the stairs. I just relaxed and thought happy thoughts and waited for the lift to take me to the Third floor.
I can think of many such examples.. watching adverts on TV rather than getting up for the remote...etc etc but I dont want to carry on...too lazy!

I am not Morpheus after all

Took a personality test

http://quizilla.com/users/trinitykills/quizzes/What%20Matrix%20Persona%20Are%20You%3F/

Turns out I am Trinity
'You are Trinity, from "The Matrix." Strong, beautiful- you epitomize the ultimate heroine'

Goody!!!

Test your personality type...see if there is an Oracle or a Neo hiding in you!!

Greedy!!! Again

yes..thats the only way to know you are human...you think....I just want that...that one thing..once I get that I shall be happy and thankful forever and ever.
And then you get it!! Halleluja..happiness happens..and lasts all of one day, till you set your sights on the next thing you want...is this ambition or greed I dont know.
When I look at it in a twisted way, I think...bottom lines...bottomlines..of what I want and where I want to get..and all these small things are steps...steps I take to get where I want to. But then what I want is SO very simple..that these steps seems far too complicated to bother with..and then all initiative to do anything gets lost.
Am I making sense?
Have you ever felt this way.....that once you get this one thing, you shall be happy and stress free forever, and then the next thing comes along. And when other people think and do the same thing..you think...what a greedy soul!!

Cheap thrills

Colleague of mine has a bad cold. She is one of those serious ones, I-dont-make-mistakes, nothing-is-funny, this-is-a-tiring-job, I-am-an-important-person-and-have-no-time-to-smile-or-chat type. She could hear very little this morning as her ears were blocked.
At lunch time, a friend and I decided to mime animatedly (without the sound of course) while she was around..she really panicked. She thought she could hear a bit, but when she thought she has gone completely deaf because she could not hear me (I admit I have a loud voice) - she panicked. The look of surprise on our faces and the resulting increase in our silent animatedness made her get a phone and dial 999...it was then that I could not hold the sound of my giggles in. She is NOT happy..ofcourse!!

When anger strikes

I am not the easily buggable variety. If you push it, you can irritate me..but get me mad and angry does not happen that easily. And I dont shout, or I think I dont shout. No I dont believe in raising my voice...so here is a question for you..
How is it, that when you REALLY REALLY care about someone..the worst of your temper comes out? Is it because you are worried about them and so the concern comes out as a bit of hyperness? Or is it because you are scared they will not listen and therefore harm themselves even more..and so you shout to be heard. I dont know what it is...but I get angry with the people I love..and that can NOT be right? right?
I dont think I am alone in this I-only-get-angry-at-people-i-love-syndrome..am i?

BACK!

I am back,
to the rain and the cold,
to the computer and the thesis,
to the house with the empty fridge,
to the endless bills and letters,
to the friends and family I have here,
to the life I miss when I have a life in India.
to the people I miss when I am in India.
to the one person who matters a lot,
to the one piece of Microsoft word that runs my life,
to the room with the dreamcatcher and photographs,
to this land where I have built a strange crazy life for myself.
Missing India..? No not yet
Missing home..? Just a bit
Missing my dog..? YES!!!

Ambition-less

I am satisfied with what I have, where I am and what I do.
I dont want anything more. Seriously. Nothing. I am ok with my current salary, current job, relationships with friends and family. I dont want to meet more people, change jobs and climb the next rung. Whatever that is.
I am ok with how my life is and when asked where I see myself 5 years from now (typical interview type question) I dont know what to say. Will saying...I see myself right here, doing exactly this...be wrong?
Is ambition a desirable skill/ quality or a neccesary eligibilty criteria to be happy/ successful?
Is not wanting the best car and the biggest house and travelling the world, a 'jet set' life - wrong?
Is it ok to want only small pleasures of being able to talk and spending time at home?

I am ambitious about what I want to do with my work in Kashmir..but that ambition is more like hope. I hope I can improve someone's life by transferring my skills. I hope I can help someone read, write and make some money. But the am I differentiating between 'corporate ambition' and 'grass roots change the planet you live on dream'. Is there a difference?

Or is ambition solely based on how much I shall need to ignore my family and personal life to get ahead and get what I want?

Current book

Being the book worm that I am, I always have a book that I am reading..apart from the PhD related stuff. I just finished Cecelia Ahern's book - Where Rainbows End, which is about best friends who take 40 years to realise they are soul mates. Very well written, but this blog is about an Indian author's book.
Chetan Bhagat's second novel came highly recommended by a close friend. One Night @ the Call Centre is an interesting book about the life of the Indian youth who work in BPOs or Call Centres. Well written and interestingly drawn out characters makes it a must read for any Indian who can read and understand English. The book was written by Chetan because he met a girl in a train who told him IIT and IIM graduates dont make a majority of the youth in India and he should look around a bit more and write a book about the Indian youth. The story twists when God calls at the call centre. Its an unusual story written in usual English. Very good read. I am maha impressed with it. Check it out, its available on Amazon.

Of automatic locks and other such like

Right..mum's gone all security conscious and has put automatic locks on all doors in the house. As a back up, being smart as she is, she has given copies of the keys to the kind neighbours. You know whats coming..read on..
I go take the dog for a walk. Come home and shut (latch) the main metal door and also the wooden door to the house..this has an auto lock which I disable as I dont like automatic locks. So I come in, its bright and sunny outside and so I walk to the balcony and sit with the dog in the sun. Mild wind..shuts the wooden door..auto lock clicks and I am well and truly locked out. because of the manual lock on the main doors..no keys (with the neighbours!!) can get me out. So options..sit and wait till someone realises I am not in the house or on the mobile. Shout till some one hears me. Or..use muscle power..which I have developed from compulsive shopping, hence bag lifting in UK.
So I try to kick the door. Nope.
So I try to open the window which shall let me reach the lock from inside. Nope.
Break window pane. Cut hand. Unscrew the jaali work and pull it apart so I can reach the lock. Cut hand. again. Big bruise coming up as I write.
Meanwhile neighbour..Kashmiri woman..smart lady..unscrews the main door and gets a pair of kitchen tongs to unhinge the manual lock. We succed at the same time. I reach the lock with my cut hands...she unlocks the main door and walks in.
Much excitement in what would be a normal sleepy day!!
Is it me..or do weird things happen to everyone? I take the dog out several times in a day and nothing happens. Being locked on the 4th floor of a house..is not fun. Add to it a dog who was an opera singer in a previous life, and still practices inside the body of a dog. Loads of noise..banging and howling to a crescendo and we are out. I am back. In the house!
And I shall hope to live happily ever after.

Twin Spirits

Meet someone who thinks the same way and talks and behaves the same way as some one else you know. The two have never met, you care the same way about both of them and love them the same way. They also seem to have the same negative bits that bug you. The same thought and worrying process that irritates you. Yet you love them. You know they care the most about you. You know you will love them the most. You know you miss them when they are not around. I have spent half my life with one and plan to spend the rest of it with the other! Blessed to have found two precious twin spirits, guardian angels, loved ones in one life!

Countdown

Begins. The time left to go back to my other life in UK begins.
As with every journey, I have, on popular demand and some nagging, checked my dates and time of travel. Though I have them memorised. I am also being asked to start getting my things together, because they are lying all over the house. I am being told I create a BIG nuisance of myself when and if I forget my things at home. So please..put things in one place. I will, I will, later...its only tuesday and I am leaving on Sunday...plenty of time.
As usual, the shopping list is out...what else is needed? The contact lenses, the medicines - which I must take, the coconut hair oil, the kuda as I call it..Imli, Gajjak, Revari, Ram Ladoos, heeng goli, zeera goli, supaari..etc etc..technically edible but not food category. So thats done. Also have to buy some things people have asked for. Anything else? yes..books I must buy. Some photographs of people I want on my wall.
The time will come when as I leave, there shall be tears..as usual. I think its a mum thing..no matter how often I come, everytime I go there are tears! I dont know what to say about it. I dont like to see people cry..specially when I seem to be the reason behind the tears. As usual there will be a passport, ticket check, which is endearing when taken in the right mood. All the bye phone calls will come through on my way to the airport. hmmm!!!
Holidays nearly over. Perhaps I shall go and start putting my 'things in one place'!!

Changing Planets

Time to be back to the grind. back in my town, my house, my room. In my other life. Its feels like I am on a different planet everytime I am in India, the life in UK seems very far away and faint. Once I am there, India seems far away.
In discussions with parents I was told, life abroad is tougher and more stressful than here. And that is a debate I can have till eternity. The pressure is now on to chose the location of my life. As if a decision now shall stick for the rest of my life. Much as I love being home and with my family, I do also love my life in UK, my space, my choices...its good. I like both my planets, and as long as I am able to flit between both I should be fine. Why does one have to make such decisions, only once. If you chose to live abroad, does it mean you cant come home for good? or vice versa? If you chose to work in India, cant you go and live later in Seychelles...or anywhere else on the planet?
Why do we make simple temporary decisions, life changing, important ones? And then tress about them?
I think it is more important that I am with people I love and care about than where I am. I shall follow my heart, the mind shall follow.
As of now I am happy. Shall see what happens next in this ever changing..crazy life of mine!

Of meetings and eatings

So, I met one of my closest friends for a night of talking, catching up, drinking and eating. At this age, we discussed current problems in life and then of course flashed back to the good old LSR days when we used to bunk Political Science classes! As usual we had loads to drink and eat as we chatted into the wee hours of the morning.
I was to meet some one important to my future the next morning, a complete stranger. And someone not from my generation!
The thing about meeting strangers is, they will judge you. And you know they will. You dont know what conclusion they will come to, though what you do know is, what you would want them to think.
I fretted at night. Thought of all the possible questions I could face, and what version of me should I be..the Nice one- yes sir, no sir, three bags full sir. The bold one - I have opinions and if you ask me, be willing to hear me out. The Diplomatic one - sure, I see your point there, and I dont quite know yet what to think about that. The Shy one - I dont have a tongue in my mouth, and there is a bit of butter in my mouth that is not melting.
Lots of versions of me I have, but the one that bounces to the surface, when meeting strangers is the quiet one, just a bit shy, but just dont know what to say type. I dont want to talk unless you ask me a question. In which case the word that jumps out is 'SNOB'.
This is more to do with the fact that if I do start talking, I turn into a chatterbox! Which is really me..talk talk talk! All day and all night. In another life, I would want to be a RJ!!
So after much thinking I fell asleep. Eventually.
The meeting never happened!!!!
And I am happy about that, coz I had not decided which me I wanted to be. So... phew!!!!

Delhi Rules..

Went shopping...again? Yes!
Was out and about Delhi in the fog with the smells of pollution, freshly roasted ground nuts in the air and the dust from the sweeping of dead leaves on the streets.
Traffic lights dont have beggars anymore..New Delhi Municipal Corporation (NDMC) has banned them.
In the main market in Sarojini Nagar, hawkers were invisible..NDMC banned them.
Went fruit shopping...for those who are raising an eyebrow here...I do eat fruits..sometimes...with a gun to my head...but I do eat them...
So...the fruits are sold on push carts in Delhi....now these have been banned by NDMC again. So vendors with pushcarts are visible at the corner of a road...from where they run with their wares in the sight of an NDMC truck!
I was buying some small berries (ber) from a woman with a basket, when the NDMC struck...they swooped in an took her basket full of berries away. Hmmmm!! The poor woman was furious..because the NDMC apparently..do this on a regular basis..pay them 150Rs and they shall give your basket back. She was angry and upset..money given would help today but not for the rest of the month.
The thing about living in India is...life is so harsh and straight..it makes you wince..but then emotions and affections are so strong it makes you warm, and people are so straight forward at times...you wonder why you ever left!

Thinking...again!

Thinking about the present..and dreaming about the future..
I am sometimes afraid of my dreams...they are simple ones.
Because I see what I want with such clarity, it makes me yearn for them to come true...QUICK. I know what I want, but, the problem is that knowing is not enough. There are things which are not in my control. And I can do nothing about it. Nothing at all!!
The other reason for being afraid is...what if they come true...and then go wrong.
What if they come true...and then I shall have to dream about something else?

But like Thoreau says
"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams, live the life you imagined"

Well Mr.T, I plan to do exactly that!

This is the home.

My house in India has become like a hotel, or maybe I have become an angrez. Dont know about you...but the bells in the house ring an average of 2 times per hour. I am counting phone, mobile phone and the door bell.
here is a short list of who all 'rang' between 7.30 am and now...5.30pm
1. the maid to wash the dishes
2. the maalish waali
3. the milk man
4. the newspaper man
5. the boy who gets flowers for the puja
6. the chemist with ma's medicines
7. the butcher with meat
8. the neighbour who's fridge is not working
9. the gardener
10. the maid's friend
11. the Kashmiri neighbour who speaks no english or hindi but is alone
12. the man who washes the car
13. the neighbour who's dustbin was upturned by a stray dog
14. innnumerable friends called to say Happy New Year
15. aunt called to chat
16. school friends called to chat
17. college friends called to chat
18. Internet connection (cable waala) called to say he needs to check something
19. another aunt called to chat
20. cousin called to chat
21. uncle called to chat
22. neighbour's son called to ask if his folks were ok
23. neighbour's son called to say he has left his jammu tickets behind in his house here
24. ma's colleagues from work called to say HNY
25. friend called to chat
26. sister called to find out what's happening.
27. the maid called to say she is not coming till end of Jan

and now I have to go because there goes the doorbell..again!!!
It does feel strange after the silence I have got used to in England