What is about growing up in a big town that gets to people? If you have spend your years growing up in a metropolis or a big city you shall always meet some city-basher who shall talk about the perfection of small town life.
Or there shall always be the one weirdo who shall keep trying to prove a point about being open minded and 'modern' despite having grown up in a smaller place.
A long time ago I had a friend from a small town in North India who would hate revealing to people where she was from. A move to the capital city of India meant this pal of mine underwent a mini personality transformation - from using 'cool' language to being clued in about stuff she only just heard about. It was weird. Because I used to like the original, in your face, straight talking yet slightly shy person who she was before.
I dont know if this need to prove a point is more obvious in women, but it looks like it is. Women tend to put themselves out a little bit more, while men seem to be happier in their own skins. They shall remain pals with their school friends, they shall not hesitate from saying where they are from, while women - well women will be women, any chance to deceive and impress shall be grabbed.
I know I might be using a rather wide brush here, but this came to mind today when at work this nice female colleague from a relatively small place in England called Middlesborough decided to jump down the throat of a male colleague from Manchester. It was plain weird. There seemed to be competition about knowing the best clubs, seeing the coolest gigs, holding season tickets to football clubs, using cool acronyms of 'cool' things, having been there done that bought the t-shirt..and it just went on and on. So while I peacefully ate my lunch I had sparring companions, food being spat out, and the over arching eyebrow raised coolness on either side. Got caught in the cross fire when asked where I was brought up...well yes I am a big city girl, but I have done my time in a little valley in the foothills of the Himalayas and hold no grudges. But I was not taking sides...oh no...I was thinking about putting my thoughts onto the blog.
But I still do not get why people from smaller places feel like they have a point to prove and a memory to over write and omit. Why oh why do people pretend to be cool..when they so obviously are not..and it does not matter anyways!! Look at Posh Spice, house, clothes, family, friends and accent changed - to wipe her small town roots...someday..the Good lord shall shine the light on her, and she shall take those sunglasses off and see it, meanwhile she is....cool...(excuse me while I find a bucket)
Friday, October 26, 2007
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Amelia Jane
Amelia Jane plays all sorts of tricks on the toys. She steals the teddy bear s necklace, causes chaos with a boomerang and scribbles all over the nursery walls. The toys try to teach her a lesson, but it seems nothing can make Amelia Jane be good again!
She is a character from Enid Blyton's books. A naughty doll with short curly dark hair, she causes a lot of trouble wherever she goes.
I used to like reading the series when I was very young. In college..a long time ago someone compared me to the naughty Amelia on account of appearance as well as supposed expression. Many many years later, today when I went for a haircut, the hairdresser smiled at her own creation of my hair and pronounced me Amelia Jane. I dont know about the political correctness of the name and I certainly dont want to discuss Enid Blyton's writing's political incorrectness, but the name did bring some sweet memories back.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Trust - Pain: Mum
Trust is directly proportional to pain.
The higher the pain the more likely we shall go to someone we highly trust.
High trust often causes pain too.
Not so painful situations can be handled by
people who dont need too much trust.
But when you are at your vulnerable best, and in pain.
You would want only that one who you can trust with your life.
The one person who will always fill this post,
irrespective of who comes and goes is Mum.
The list might get added to,
but Mom is who you will remember first when in pain,
she will remember on the top of your trust list.
The higher the pain the more likely we shall go to someone we highly trust.
High trust often causes pain too.
Not so painful situations can be handled by
people who dont need too much trust.
But when you are at your vulnerable best, and in pain.
You would want only that one who you can trust with your life.
The one person who will always fill this post,
irrespective of who comes and goes is Mum.
The list might get added to,
but Mom is who you will remember first when in pain,
she will remember on the top of your trust list.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Female: Female
Always happens. Put three straight women, married or otherwise attached and a gossip session happens. Whether it is the sad state of the house when you come back from work and he has got home early enough to randomly throw socks around the living room. Or it is about the difficulty of finding decent clothes and shoes. About the need to work hard and also therefore play hard and spend time relaxing. About doing the next course, job application of fill tax returns and figure out the CGT. About not having enough shoes, or about the laziness of the husband / man around the house.
It starts with standing around in the kitchen, or sipping cups of tea, or near the car while the men discuss the new computer, iPod touch or whatever new technology catches their fantasy while you get the time away from his ears to moan about life in general.
We women dont moan, we just discuss things, men dont get this point of cribbing without REALLY wanting anything to change. We talk to other women, who will shake their heads and within 3 minutes tell you a similar instance that happened to them or someone they know. Its oddly comforting!
So, a few of us were sitting and talking about plans for Christmas and how things have changed post marriage, now that we are supposed to divide our time between our own parents and the in-laws who would also like to see us. The need to see where the man stands on the issue and how we would really like things to be, to the extent of what we would expect from the would be wives of our would be sons, should we decide to give into parental pressure and produce off springs.
The talk extended to useless gifts received by all of us at some point of time from well meaning relations of the husband. It then went on to how all spouses think we do have too many material possessions and how we always went shopping too often.
Then we spoke to this mother to be who is one of us, and she moaned about the traditions of not buying anything new in anticipation of the new baby as it acts as a temptation to evil things. So she can buy nothing till the baby is born, she is actually DYING to stop at Gap and Mothercare and buy tonnes of stuff. Once the little on pops she will be in no shape to go shopping alone and wander around looking and sighing at stuff. So we, the female gang, have decided to take her shopping and hide the goodies and then spring them on her as a surprise when the little on arrives.
Another one of us hopes to take up a job which her in-laws are not too keen for her to do. Left in a limbo she does not know what to do. She is applying anyways, if she gets it, she shall figure out how to go about doing it.
Yet another one needs to go using her credit card till it sizzles with heat of being swiped for Christmas goodies for her new in-law family. She is wondering how she will cope.
Another one was talking about needing to make small talk to wives of her husband's friends, most of who are airheads and think about nothing but gym and shopping. And of course comparing kids and the classes they attend.
The girlie in the group wants to move town and take her only too willing boyfriend along, but his mates have an issue with that and call him all kinds of names, some not so polite, for being ok to move with her to a new life.
So we moaned, we bitched, ate some chocolate cake, drank some tea, thought about work and problems, about careers and husbands, shopping and the approaching festive season. Got it all off our chests and went back to our men. Who, none the wiser, were pleased to see us looking de-stressed and smiley. Yes we do come from another planet.
It starts with standing around in the kitchen, or sipping cups of tea, or near the car while the men discuss the new computer, iPod touch or whatever new technology catches their fantasy while you get the time away from his ears to moan about life in general.
We women dont moan, we just discuss things, men dont get this point of cribbing without REALLY wanting anything to change. We talk to other women, who will shake their heads and within 3 minutes tell you a similar instance that happened to them or someone they know. Its oddly comforting!
So, a few of us were sitting and talking about plans for Christmas and how things have changed post marriage, now that we are supposed to divide our time between our own parents and the in-laws who would also like to see us. The need to see where the man stands on the issue and how we would really like things to be, to the extent of what we would expect from the would be wives of our would be sons, should we decide to give into parental pressure and produce off springs.
The talk extended to useless gifts received by all of us at some point of time from well meaning relations of the husband. It then went on to how all spouses think we do have too many material possessions and how we always went shopping too often.
Then we spoke to this mother to be who is one of us, and she moaned about the traditions of not buying anything new in anticipation of the new baby as it acts as a temptation to evil things. So she can buy nothing till the baby is born, she is actually DYING to stop at Gap and Mothercare and buy tonnes of stuff. Once the little on pops she will be in no shape to go shopping alone and wander around looking and sighing at stuff. So we, the female gang, have decided to take her shopping and hide the goodies and then spring them on her as a surprise when the little on arrives.
Another one of us hopes to take up a job which her in-laws are not too keen for her to do. Left in a limbo she does not know what to do. She is applying anyways, if she gets it, she shall figure out how to go about doing it.
Yet another one needs to go using her credit card till it sizzles with heat of being swiped for Christmas goodies for her new in-law family. She is wondering how she will cope.
Another one was talking about needing to make small talk to wives of her husband's friends, most of who are airheads and think about nothing but gym and shopping. And of course comparing kids and the classes they attend.
The girlie in the group wants to move town and take her only too willing boyfriend along, but his mates have an issue with that and call him all kinds of names, some not so polite, for being ok to move with her to a new life.
So we moaned, we bitched, ate some chocolate cake, drank some tea, thought about work and problems, about careers and husbands, shopping and the approaching festive season. Got it all off our chests and went back to our men. Who, none the wiser, were pleased to see us looking de-stressed and smiley. Yes we do come from another planet.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Snob? Moi?
Naah! Cant be. But in the deeper darker recesses of my mind I do wonder. Sometimes.
Yes I do look down at people, but don't we all, I just voice my snobbery, at least I am honest and not the bitching variety.
Yesterday I was in Southern England, a 'posh' part of a posh village. The high street boasted of designer boutiques and posh nosh. Michelin starred chef's, the cool people's watering holes, all kinds of haberdashery, knitting needles, hand made chocolates, tearooms and a complete lack of retail chains, riverside properties which boasted personal boats parked outside the house. It was kind of cool without trying.
It was the kind of picture perfect place you watch on TV, with the river and green banks, windmills and old wooden bridges and locks. Pretty.
I did see the mandatory newsagent, run by an Asian looking person, and this is what got me thinking, why oh why and how oh how do Indian's run so many shops in other parts of the world, and am I being a snob by noting this down?
Having lived in places where a huge number of people are Asian or Afro Caribbean in origin means, the 'white' population is not too high in this place. This going to a place where there was hardly any colour but white also made me think. Can a place not be posh if it has a mixture of cultural backgrounds? And does a lack of Chav's make a place posh? Or is it a lack of graffiti, dirt, empty packets of crisps, cigarette butts?
And am I a snob when I observe such things?
Yes I do look down at people, but don't we all, I just voice my snobbery, at least I am honest and not the bitching variety.
Yesterday I was in Southern England, a 'posh' part of a posh village. The high street boasted of designer boutiques and posh nosh. Michelin starred chef's, the cool people's watering holes, all kinds of haberdashery, knitting needles, hand made chocolates, tearooms and a complete lack of retail chains, riverside properties which boasted personal boats parked outside the house. It was kind of cool without trying.
It was the kind of picture perfect place you watch on TV, with the river and green banks, windmills and old wooden bridges and locks. Pretty.
I did see the mandatory newsagent, run by an Asian looking person, and this is what got me thinking, why oh why and how oh how do Indian's run so many shops in other parts of the world, and am I being a snob by noting this down?
Having lived in places where a huge number of people are Asian or Afro Caribbean in origin means, the 'white' population is not too high in this place. This going to a place where there was hardly any colour but white also made me think. Can a place not be posh if it has a mixture of cultural backgrounds? And does a lack of Chav's make a place posh? Or is it a lack of graffiti, dirt, empty packets of crisps, cigarette butts?
And am I a snob when I observe such things?
Sunday, October 07, 2007
Status: Married
Nothing much changes after one gets married, especially if you have been spending a lot of time together before marriage. So after being married when people asked me, 'how does it feel to be married' my response has been, well pretty much the same as before really.
So it was quite a surprise to find my status changed from being the woman who walks around the house with nail paint, cotton wool and a nail file to being, Wife, The Finder of All Things Missing. I am due to the sheer dint of being married, should have been gifted with an all seeing, all locating ability to find objects that have gone missing or are not in the place they have last been left at. Thus I am asked about missing socks, towels, house keys, papers, pens and pretty much anything and everything that is not right under His nose. His nose being a decent size meaning most things are not exactly under it.
My surprise was manifested in all its glory when I was asked to find the TV remote, the shape and size of which eludes me at most times as I dont really watch much TV. I was also asked to locate the mobile phone charger, we have quite a few phones around and so the chargers keep changing..which means it was a long monosyllabic conversation consisting of, 'this?', 'no', 'this?', 'no', and on and on it went. The fact that I dont see the difference between two black cables does not help here. From my point of view all wires look the same and there are far too many around this house of ours.
My hope is my ability to locate things shall become sharper and almost intuitive as the years pass by. But I still wonder why women (read wives) are often thought of as enquiry offices. Does it say something in the terms of marriage which determines the Wife as the keeper, locater and finder of all things missing?
The flip side ofcourse He would say is, the garbage gets taken out magically, have not changed a bin liner since I got married..so perhaps he can moan that he has changed into the One Who Empties The Bins.
The woman doth protesteth too much I hear you say?
If I did want to work as a finder of things I would work within the Lost and Found departments. Try it..try being at the end of conversations that end with a question mark, followed by an incredulous look when you reply, I dont know!
So it was quite a surprise to find my status changed from being the woman who walks around the house with nail paint, cotton wool and a nail file to being, Wife, The Finder of All Things Missing. I am due to the sheer dint of being married, should have been gifted with an all seeing, all locating ability to find objects that have gone missing or are not in the place they have last been left at. Thus I am asked about missing socks, towels, house keys, papers, pens and pretty much anything and everything that is not right under His nose. His nose being a decent size meaning most things are not exactly under it.
My surprise was manifested in all its glory when I was asked to find the TV remote, the shape and size of which eludes me at most times as I dont really watch much TV. I was also asked to locate the mobile phone charger, we have quite a few phones around and so the chargers keep changing..which means it was a long monosyllabic conversation consisting of, 'this?', 'no', 'this?', 'no', and on and on it went. The fact that I dont see the difference between two black cables does not help here. From my point of view all wires look the same and there are far too many around this house of ours.
My hope is my ability to locate things shall become sharper and almost intuitive as the years pass by. But I still wonder why women (read wives) are often thought of as enquiry offices. Does it say something in the terms of marriage which determines the Wife as the keeper, locater and finder of all things missing?
The flip side ofcourse He would say is, the garbage gets taken out magically, have not changed a bin liner since I got married..so perhaps he can moan that he has changed into the One Who Empties The Bins.
The woman doth protesteth too much I hear you say?
If I did want to work as a finder of things I would work within the Lost and Found departments. Try it..try being at the end of conversations that end with a question mark, followed by an incredulous look when you reply, I dont know!
Friday, October 05, 2007
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Happy Burd-day
A long time ago when I was in school, primary school, birthdays were a big event. People used to be virtually dated and cajoled and basically buttered up before the upcoming birthday. In school the questions were about, Who will sit next to you?
Who will hold the packet of sweets as you give them out? Who will spend break time holding your hand and walking beside you like a shadow.
At some point of time the teacher would ask the birthday kid to come stand in the front of the class and have the rest of the class sing Happy Birthday loudly. Once the child has finished beaming benevolently at the rest of the class, it was allowed to walk around and hand over sweets to everyone in class who would wish the BDAY boy/girl again. If luck was in you were allowed to walk around the rest of the block and offer sweets to all the teachers.
The cringe worthiness of this whole thing gets better when you recall the fact that the Birthday kid did not need to wear a uniform for that one 'special' day. Thus I remember being horrified with visions in pink froth, cream satin dresses with ballerina shoes, a spider man and also someone who wore a bright yellow shirt with shiny black shorts - looked amazingly like a bumble bee.
Added to these ignominies was the Birthday party, which was to be 'your' day so the birthday boy/girl could do and say pretty much anything she or he wanted to. This leading to evil tendencies being revealed (kids can be pretty mean). The poor soul would need to wear a multi colour feather cap of conical shape. Have others wear glittery concial caps on their heads and have people singing Happy Burd-day too yoouuu very loudly and hoarsely till the cake got cut and stuffed into people's mouths to shut them up.
The food consisted of chola, bhaturas, something saccharine sweet like rasgullas or gulab jamuns, sandwiches, and loads of fizzy drinks. Plus of course the cake.
The gifts are part of any birthday deal and there would be all sorts, from paint boxes to geometry kits, pencil boxes, pen sets etc etc. Anything a 7-10 year old would want.
The one thing that needs recalling here are the expressions:
Birthday kid - goody two shoes, sulky, benevolent, cocky, delighted, greedy and satiated with cake and food, tired and grumpy at the end.
Pals - smiley, envious, wishful and scheming about what they would do on their special days
Parents - ecstatic, worried about being hosts, tired
Teachers - bored yet smiley, happy for a sugar fix but tired of singing the same song and making people feel special yet remind them of limitations of birthday advantages.
Birthdays were fun-ny. I recall attending many birthday parties as a child, and they all fit on the same pattern. It was the sighting of a conical multi coloured feathered cap that set of this reminiscence.
Who will hold the packet of sweets as you give them out? Who will spend break time holding your hand and walking beside you like a shadow.
At some point of time the teacher would ask the birthday kid to come stand in the front of the class and have the rest of the class sing Happy Birthday loudly. Once the child has finished beaming benevolently at the rest of the class, it was allowed to walk around and hand over sweets to everyone in class who would wish the BDAY boy/girl again. If luck was in you were allowed to walk around the rest of the block and offer sweets to all the teachers.
The cringe worthiness of this whole thing gets better when you recall the fact that the Birthday kid did not need to wear a uniform for that one 'special' day. Thus I remember being horrified with visions in pink froth, cream satin dresses with ballerina shoes, a spider man and also someone who wore a bright yellow shirt with shiny black shorts - looked amazingly like a bumble bee.
Added to these ignominies was the Birthday party, which was to be 'your' day so the birthday boy/girl could do and say pretty much anything she or he wanted to. This leading to evil tendencies being revealed (kids can be pretty mean). The poor soul would need to wear a multi colour feather cap of conical shape. Have others wear glittery concial caps on their heads and have people singing Happy Burd-day too yoouuu very loudly and hoarsely till the cake got cut and stuffed into people's mouths to shut them up.
The food consisted of chola, bhaturas, something saccharine sweet like rasgullas or gulab jamuns, sandwiches, and loads of fizzy drinks. Plus of course the cake.
The gifts are part of any birthday deal and there would be all sorts, from paint boxes to geometry kits, pencil boxes, pen sets etc etc. Anything a 7-10 year old would want.
The one thing that needs recalling here are the expressions:
Birthday kid - goody two shoes, sulky, benevolent, cocky, delighted, greedy and satiated with cake and food, tired and grumpy at the end.
Pals - smiley, envious, wishful and scheming about what they would do on their special days
Parents - ecstatic, worried about being hosts, tired
Teachers - bored yet smiley, happy for a sugar fix but tired of singing the same song and making people feel special yet remind them of limitations of birthday advantages.
Birthdays were fun-ny. I recall attending many birthday parties as a child, and they all fit on the same pattern. It was the sighting of a conical multi coloured feathered cap that set of this reminiscence.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Commandments
Think about things.
Wish upon a star.
Ask for things you want.
Look for things you like.
Hope for things to be good.
Fear not about things.
Cross no bridges till you see them.
Think no negative thoughts.
Block out people who get you low.
Stay around people who make you laugh.
Never look back.
Never wish ill.
Never say never.
Look below you be thankful.
Look above you and think.
Look in the mirror and see yourself.
Never underestimate. People, things and situations.
Dont make trivial things that are important.
Dont give importance to things that are trivial.
Never forget who you are.
And where you came from.
Wish upon a star.
Ask for things you want.
Look for things you like.
Hope for things to be good.
Fear not about things.
Cross no bridges till you see them.
Think no negative thoughts.
Block out people who get you low.
Stay around people who make you laugh.
Never look back.
Never wish ill.
Never say never.
Look below you be thankful.
Look above you and think.
Look in the mirror and see yourself.
Never underestimate. People, things and situations.
Dont make trivial things that are important.
Dont give importance to things that are trivial.
Never forget who you are.
And where you came from.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Joy at Heathrow
This is the one part of London I dont exactly love. A badly managed, badly planned airport. One of the busiest in the world and there is no where to sit.
Had to stand for 3 hours and wait for someone to turn up. Immigration is short staffed, baggage halls are over loaded and too many flights land at the same time. There are few meeting points and the joy of meeting a loved one is slightly clouded over by a big FAT CAT boot landing on your toes.
A well meaning cabbie recommended travelling via Birmingham, even if it meant flying to Amritsar first!! :D avoid heathrow say people. They have lost many bags, have security alerts by the tonne and all queues take atleast 3 hours to clear, whether you are coming or going. Sad it is!
Had to stand for 3 hours and wait for someone to turn up. Immigration is short staffed, baggage halls are over loaded and too many flights land at the same time. There are few meeting points and the joy of meeting a loved one is slightly clouded over by a big FAT CAT boot landing on your toes.
A well meaning cabbie recommended travelling via Birmingham, even if it meant flying to Amritsar first!! :D avoid heathrow say people. They have lost many bags, have security alerts by the tonne and all queues take atleast 3 hours to clear, whether you are coming or going. Sad it is!
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Addiction
My latest addiction
http://weboggle.shackworks.com/5x5/
and also http://weboggle.shackworks.com/4x4/
WARNING: You will if you are any good at English get addicted..its a simple game like hangman or killer. Its better than Scrabble on line..as you dont need anyone to play with..its you and and the clock..and it CAN waste a lot of time. I would not play at work..but try it.
Its good!
http://weboggle.shackworks.com/5x5/
and also http://weboggle.shackworks.com/4x4/
WARNING: You will if you are any good at English get addicted..its a simple game like hangman or killer. Its better than Scrabble on line..as you dont need anyone to play with..its you and and the clock..and it CAN waste a lot of time. I would not play at work..but try it.
Its good!
Sunday, September 09, 2007
Bouncing
Have been bouncing off the walls recently, hyper energetic, hyper active and getting happier by every passing day. I think good health is back and though the end of summer is a sad thing, I can smell the winter early in the morning, there is a chill in the air and the leaves are starting to turn colour on the edges.
Have been listening to Friction, a compilation by Bobby Friction on loud. I have never liked Bhangra as such...always thought England hypes it too much and most people think Indian music means Bhangra (pronounced Baan-graa in UK)...but this CD which belongs to the eclectic listener who I am married to, came out from under a stack I was cleaning. On full blast, I could hear it over the roar of the Rolls Royce engine which seems to reside in my vacuum cleaner. Loud beats thrumming through the walls, I gave a passing thought to my neighbours, but then again, who sleeps till noon on a Sunday and if they dont collect pension every month.
The days have passed and July staggered to an end and now August has crawled past. Finally its the month in which I can be happy. According to forecast this month shall be the 'most glorious yet'. Lets see. What I think about zodiac forecasts is a matter or debate..I tend to take on board all the good news and wave off the bad news as mumbo-jumbo.
So time is ticking and I am feeling happy!
Have been listening to Friction, a compilation by Bobby Friction on loud. I have never liked Bhangra as such...always thought England hypes it too much and most people think Indian music means Bhangra (pronounced Baan-graa in UK)...but this CD which belongs to the eclectic listener who I am married to, came out from under a stack I was cleaning. On full blast, I could hear it over the roar of the Rolls Royce engine which seems to reside in my vacuum cleaner. Loud beats thrumming through the walls, I gave a passing thought to my neighbours, but then again, who sleeps till noon on a Sunday and if they dont collect pension every month.
The days have passed and July staggered to an end and now August has crawled past. Finally its the month in which I can be happy. According to forecast this month shall be the 'most glorious yet'. Lets see. What I think about zodiac forecasts is a matter or debate..I tend to take on board all the good news and wave off the bad news as mumbo-jumbo.
So time is ticking and I am feeling happy!
Monday, September 03, 2007
The Hostage Marriage
Why do marriages disintegrate? Are we are divorce happy generation? I can bet you know of some one..friend / family who is divorced/ going through divorce/ thinking about splitting..or all of the above..don't we all. But why?
Having been brought up in a stable loving family I have never seen my parents argue. Well one of them does not talk back at any single point of time..which is probably why they are not arguing. I did not know that walking out of a marriage was an option. Seeing my parents I assumed they always got along. I am sure they did not..but I never knew marriages are NOT written in stone much later.
I often feel the problem arises when people hold the divorce option open..a teeny crack..a tiny space where you know..if push comes to shove you shall dash out. If push comes to shove. But then the idea and the word conjures up the divorce devil..you mention its name and its present, watching, scoring points, being looked at by both spouses as a presence amidst them, noting down every wrong word and action, just in case its needed later. The devil works on your fear and ego and inability to resolve issues. It gives you options..hold its hand and walk straight out to a happier, freer, more fulfilling life. No adjustments, no problems, peace of mind and no stresses related to being in a marriage.
Its as tempting an option in the middle or an argument as a cigarette is to a stressed out ex-smoker, chocolate to a woman on diet..same situation..you know its bad for you, but its tempting none the less. This unwelcome visitor exists by the virtue of being recalled as a solution. Once the door is opened to an exit from a marriage..you have to try pretty hard to shut it.
What upsets me is the fact that people use this devil as a bargaining tool within the relationship. If you don't do this, I shall leave you, If you dont stop doing that I shall leave you etc etc...and every statement like that brings this creature further into the home. In a relationship other than marriage its not a problem, you know you can get out without needing lawyers and courts, in most cases. But marriage, is a different ball game. You get into it for life, to stay together, work out issues and be together till one of you dies. Its a togetherness till eternity kind of situation.
Yes there is always an exit to a marriage and nothing is written in stone. But would it not be easier to pretend it was written in stone? A last resort should be left as just that..a last resort, not a stop over when you need it. Not a practice run for better behavior, not a dagger over a precious relationship. Yes its tempting to run when things get hard...but holding a relationship hostage by the dint of it not being written in stone..is not right.
Some things are hard, but there are always solutions. Its up to individuals to look at the solutions and options to make things work rather than hold the creatures hands and walk away to the courts. Dont look at it, dont bring it in! The divorce devil should stay out. With the door firmly shut on its face!
Having been brought up in a stable loving family I have never seen my parents argue. Well one of them does not talk back at any single point of time..which is probably why they are not arguing. I did not know that walking out of a marriage was an option. Seeing my parents I assumed they always got along. I am sure they did not..but I never knew marriages are NOT written in stone much later.
I often feel the problem arises when people hold the divorce option open..a teeny crack..a tiny space where you know..if push comes to shove you shall dash out. If push comes to shove. But then the idea and the word conjures up the divorce devil..you mention its name and its present, watching, scoring points, being looked at by both spouses as a presence amidst them, noting down every wrong word and action, just in case its needed later. The devil works on your fear and ego and inability to resolve issues. It gives you options..hold its hand and walk straight out to a happier, freer, more fulfilling life. No adjustments, no problems, peace of mind and no stresses related to being in a marriage.
Its as tempting an option in the middle or an argument as a cigarette is to a stressed out ex-smoker, chocolate to a woman on diet..same situation..you know its bad for you, but its tempting none the less. This unwelcome visitor exists by the virtue of being recalled as a solution. Once the door is opened to an exit from a marriage..you have to try pretty hard to shut it.
What upsets me is the fact that people use this devil as a bargaining tool within the relationship. If you don't do this, I shall leave you, If you dont stop doing that I shall leave you etc etc...and every statement like that brings this creature further into the home. In a relationship other than marriage its not a problem, you know you can get out without needing lawyers and courts, in most cases. But marriage, is a different ball game. You get into it for life, to stay together, work out issues and be together till one of you dies. Its a togetherness till eternity kind of situation.
Yes there is always an exit to a marriage and nothing is written in stone. But would it not be easier to pretend it was written in stone? A last resort should be left as just that..a last resort, not a stop over when you need it. Not a practice run for better behavior, not a dagger over a precious relationship. Yes its tempting to run when things get hard...but holding a relationship hostage by the dint of it not being written in stone..is not right.
Some things are hard, but there are always solutions. Its up to individuals to look at the solutions and options to make things work rather than hold the creatures hands and walk away to the courts. Dont look at it, dont bring it in! The divorce devil should stay out. With the door firmly shut on its face!
Sunday, September 02, 2007
Experience
Is it necessarily a good thing to be experienced? Do we have better more fruitful lives thanks to all that we learn from existing on the planet. Yes, every passing birthday is a reminder of the years you have spent and of hopefully all the wisdom that you have gained. But is it all useful and good.
Are past experiences and learnings useful? Don't they sometimes inhibit one from doing what one wanted? Do they leave one slightly more cynical and maybe mistrusting?
It is sometimes about making mistakes and learning from them, but then is this not sometimes a sort of a paranoia mixed with a sense of dejavu which causes a passes sense of fear and then also mistrust? Experience taught you how to prevent hurt, and how to save and protect yourselves from people and situations. But did it not leave a bitter lasting after taste in your mouth, which comes out in the future?
Its is not possible not to come across troubles and situations as life moves. But what I am arguing is the past is sometimes a good teacher, and yes hind sight is the clearest of all and all that. But sometimes we have to un-learn what we have learnt, in order to be fair. It is not quite as bad a judging a book (person/situation) by its cover, more like saying..yes the cover revealed a bad book last time, but I shall try my luck at this one because it might be better.
In and ideal world its possible to take what you want away with you from an experience and let the negativity be left behind. But in the real world sometimes you carry that negativity as a talisman to save you in other such similar situations, should they occur in the future. It is not possible to get rid of experience and it is also not nice to become naive and innocent and trusting, and most times this switching back is not possible. Life moves in one direction only..forward. You can not halt it and often can not change what comes your way. Then it seems the only option is to store experiences in a backed up file in your mind and bring them out, only when really needed. Dont use them unless you are sure you want to go into the file, because it is like a Pandora's box..you might get a solution but you will also get problems and hope.
I guess what I am trying to say here is, its good to be old and wise, but its not good to be wise in all situations. Sometimes adventure and a clean sheet for a new beginning will teach one new lessons. It is up to an individual to push away a nagging thought (specially if its negative) which arises out of experience and be optimistic and looking at something in a fresh manner.
Experience is over rated I think, its good to be smart, but it is not always good to have learned wisdom through tough situations. If you are smart enough to use what needs to be used from your experiences and shut away what you don't, you should be happy.
Are past experiences and learnings useful? Don't they sometimes inhibit one from doing what one wanted? Do they leave one slightly more cynical and maybe mistrusting?
It is sometimes about making mistakes and learning from them, but then is this not sometimes a sort of a paranoia mixed with a sense of dejavu which causes a passes sense of fear and then also mistrust? Experience taught you how to prevent hurt, and how to save and protect yourselves from people and situations. But did it not leave a bitter lasting after taste in your mouth, which comes out in the future?
Its is not possible not to come across troubles and situations as life moves. But what I am arguing is the past is sometimes a good teacher, and yes hind sight is the clearest of all and all that. But sometimes we have to un-learn what we have learnt, in order to be fair. It is not quite as bad a judging a book (person/situation) by its cover, more like saying..yes the cover revealed a bad book last time, but I shall try my luck at this one because it might be better.
In and ideal world its possible to take what you want away with you from an experience and let the negativity be left behind. But in the real world sometimes you carry that negativity as a talisman to save you in other such similar situations, should they occur in the future. It is not possible to get rid of experience and it is also not nice to become naive and innocent and trusting, and most times this switching back is not possible. Life moves in one direction only..forward. You can not halt it and often can not change what comes your way. Then it seems the only option is to store experiences in a backed up file in your mind and bring them out, only when really needed. Dont use them unless you are sure you want to go into the file, because it is like a Pandora's box..you might get a solution but you will also get problems and hope.
I guess what I am trying to say here is, its good to be old and wise, but its not good to be wise in all situations. Sometimes adventure and a clean sheet for a new beginning will teach one new lessons. It is up to an individual to push away a nagging thought (specially if its negative) which arises out of experience and be optimistic and looking at something in a fresh manner.
Experience is over rated I think, its good to be smart, but it is not always good to have learned wisdom through tough situations. If you are smart enough to use what needs to be used from your experiences and shut away what you don't, you should be happy.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Soul Meets Body
On loud, this is a MUST hear for anyone who likes songs that mean something..
I want to live where soul meets body
And let the sun wrap its arms around me
And bathe my skin in water cool and cleansing
And feel, feel what its like to be new
Cause in my head theres a greyhound station
Where I send my thoughts to far off destinations
So they may have a chance of finding a place
where theyre far more suited than here
And I cannot guess what we'll discover
When we turn the dirt with our palms cupped like shovels
But I know our filthy hands can wash one anothers
And not one speck will remain
And I do believe its true
That there are roads left in both of our shoes
But if the silence takes you
Then I hope it takes me too
So brown eyes I hold you near
Cause youre the only song I want to hear
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere
Where soul meets body
Where soul meets body
Where soul meets body
And I do believe its true
That there are roads left in both of our shoes
But if the silence takes you
Then I hope it takes me too
So brown eyes I hold you near
Cause youre the only song I want to hear
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere
This is Death Cab for Cutie
I want to live where soul meets body
And let the sun wrap its arms around me
And bathe my skin in water cool and cleansing
And feel, feel what its like to be new
Cause in my head theres a greyhound station
Where I send my thoughts to far off destinations
So they may have a chance of finding a place
where theyre far more suited than here
And I cannot guess what we'll discover
When we turn the dirt with our palms cupped like shovels
But I know our filthy hands can wash one anothers
And not one speck will remain
And I do believe its true
That there are roads left in both of our shoes
But if the silence takes you
Then I hope it takes me too
So brown eyes I hold you near
Cause youre the only song I want to hear
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere
Where soul meets body
Where soul meets body
Where soul meets body
And I do believe its true
That there are roads left in both of our shoes
But if the silence takes you
Then I hope it takes me too
So brown eyes I hold you near
Cause youre the only song I want to hear
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere
This is Death Cab for Cutie
Monday, August 27, 2007
The New World
Imagine yourself:
~In a new country
~In a new city
~Very far from all family and friends
~You are lost for direction and know no one
~You are here to stay for a year at least
~The currency and food are beyond comprehension
~You did your research, but this is real-time
~You can not turn around and run
~You can not moan and complain
Yes, its September soon and Universities across the world open to new students. The world is a smaller place, but no less daunting. Its a mix of excitement and the apprehension of the unknown. Its the feel of the cold air, which smells different and the scope of meeting a whole lot of new people you might be friends with for a while. Its the reminiscence of home made food and the warmer climates. The longing for known roads and the familiar faces. But for many this is also the step, or rather a leap away from the known into the something that needed dreaming, planning, hard work and a lot of anxiety.
As airlines book in young people to fly across the skies in pursuit of further education, September shall be yet another month that sees Universities welcoming the new lot of students. Term has not started yet, but the planning is nearly over. I see new lost faces walking around town and I feel sorry for their lost looks, but also envious of the blank sheets of paper they are right now.
To those who are in this boat of being an International / Overseas student, best of luck. Those of you, who have been in that boat....you got over it!And shall hopefully never be in that boat of excited and scared, hopeful but wary, far away from home and clueless mode!!
~In a new country
~In a new city
~Very far from all family and friends
~You are lost for direction and know no one
~You are here to stay for a year at least
~The currency and food are beyond comprehension
~You did your research, but this is real-time
~You can not turn around and run
~You can not moan and complain
Yes, its September soon and Universities across the world open to new students. The world is a smaller place, but no less daunting. Its a mix of excitement and the apprehension of the unknown. Its the feel of the cold air, which smells different and the scope of meeting a whole lot of new people you might be friends with for a while. Its the reminiscence of home made food and the warmer climates. The longing for known roads and the familiar faces. But for many this is also the step, or rather a leap away from the known into the something that needed dreaming, planning, hard work and a lot of anxiety.
As airlines book in young people to fly across the skies in pursuit of further education, September shall be yet another month that sees Universities welcoming the new lot of students. Term has not started yet, but the planning is nearly over. I see new lost faces walking around town and I feel sorry for their lost looks, but also envious of the blank sheets of paper they are right now.
To those who are in this boat of being an International / Overseas student, best of luck. Those of you, who have been in that boat....you got over it!And shall hopefully never be in that boat of excited and scared, hopeful but wary, far away from home and clueless mode!!
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Ultimatum
Had a choice last night between Chak De and Bourne Ultimatum.
Saw the latter. Matt Damon is Jason Bourne.
I dont like watching films and most films I see are a chore. I see my watch within 40 mins of any film starting. And this is true for every single film I watch (I watch many as most of my friends like films). So when I watch a film and forget about my watch...I deem it a good film. And there as VERY few of those.
Bourne Ultimatum - two words...WATCH IT!
It was Good!!
Saw the latter. Matt Damon is Jason Bourne.
I dont like watching films and most films I see are a chore. I see my watch within 40 mins of any film starting. And this is true for every single film I watch (I watch many as most of my friends like films). So when I watch a film and forget about my watch...I deem it a good film. And there as VERY few of those.
Bourne Ultimatum - two words...WATCH IT!
It was Good!!
Friday, August 24, 2007
Conversation in Class
Location: Prison for Young Offenders in England
Age: 18-21
Sex: Male
Offense: Theft, Murder, Rape, Arson, Threats to witness, Assault and the list goes on...and on and on...
The bunch of lads I had this morning were not the brightest lot. I am not saying they are stupid but the phrase 'lights are on, nobody is home' comes to mind often. As is often seen at this age and in this 'social' group of young men - women are most important. They like to swear on their mum's lives, they live by their 'gals' visit. They keep letters sent to them by the women in their lives close to their hearts and are often driven to self destructive thoughts when they get 'Dear John' letters from home.
This poor soul in my class has been looking surrealistically happy for the past few days. He is not very bright, bless him, but he has a good heart, which was obviously not beating when he stabbed an old woman on the street. He is doing his time in prison so its okay I guess.
This morning's conversation then, without further ado,
Me: What are you looking so happy about?
Him: Oh Miss I cant tell ya.
Me: Go on, tell me, you have been smiling for 3 days in a row now.
Him: I know, Oh Miss I cant wait to get out. I am just itching to get out now.
Me: How long do you have left?
Him: 10 months
Me: So tell me why are you so happy, its not like you are releasing anytime soon.
Him: My gal's pregnant.
Me: Oh Congrats, that is good news, no wonder you have been smiling. When is the baby due?
Him: Christmas this year..
Me: 3 months left to go then. The baby wont be too old when you get out.
(Realization strikes me - violent offense, he cant be on such a short sentence despite the British Legal System's ongoing love affair with prolific offenders)
Me(carefully): So how long have you done now in here?
Him(Kind of proudly): 18 months
Me(a little zapped): At a stretch? or were you out on tag (release) for a while?
Him (Very proudly, chest out, chin up): At a stretch miss, I've been ridin it out like a solja.
I smile back at him and think. God Bless Him, aint the sharpest pencil in the box but hey, someday the penny shall drop...I hope. Till then I shall leave him to his smiles.
Age: 18-21
Sex: Male
Offense: Theft, Murder, Rape, Arson, Threats to witness, Assault and the list goes on...and on and on...
The bunch of lads I had this morning were not the brightest lot. I am not saying they are stupid but the phrase 'lights are on, nobody is home' comes to mind often. As is often seen at this age and in this 'social' group of young men - women are most important. They like to swear on their mum's lives, they live by their 'gals' visit. They keep letters sent to them by the women in their lives close to their hearts and are often driven to self destructive thoughts when they get 'Dear John' letters from home.
This poor soul in my class has been looking surrealistically happy for the past few days. He is not very bright, bless him, but he has a good heart, which was obviously not beating when he stabbed an old woman on the street. He is doing his time in prison so its okay I guess.
This morning's conversation then, without further ado,
Me: What are you looking so happy about?
Him: Oh Miss I cant tell ya.
Me: Go on, tell me, you have been smiling for 3 days in a row now.
Him: I know, Oh Miss I cant wait to get out. I am just itching to get out now.
Me: How long do you have left?
Him: 10 months
Me: So tell me why are you so happy, its not like you are releasing anytime soon.
Him: My gal's pregnant.
Me: Oh Congrats, that is good news, no wonder you have been smiling. When is the baby due?
Him: Christmas this year..
Me: 3 months left to go then. The baby wont be too old when you get out.
(Realization strikes me - violent offense, he cant be on such a short sentence despite the British Legal System's ongoing love affair with prolific offenders)
Me(carefully): So how long have you done now in here?
Him(Kind of proudly): 18 months
Me(a little zapped): At a stretch? or were you out on tag (release) for a while?
Him (Very proudly, chest out, chin up): At a stretch miss, I've been ridin it out like a solja.
I smile back at him and think. God Bless Him, aint the sharpest pencil in the box but hey, someday the penny shall drop...I hope. Till then I shall leave him to his smiles.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Hide
Have been feeling pretty miserable lately thanks to being ill and on a liquid only diet for the past week or more. Sitting alone in the house, moping around, wishing I was somewhere else. Don't want to do anything, but I am also very bored. I don't have the energy to go out and I am not ill enough to sit still. It has been a pain. Random thoughts, phone calls, fever induced dreams, medicine induced sickness and worry induced headaches and I am now at the very end of my rather long rope.
I went out today to the market, needed to post something. Walked past shoes and clothes and perfumes, all of which tempt me when I am in a good mood. But I am not. In fact today I was just irritated by the in-your-face marketing these products get. Was I tempted...no..not at all...so I walked (read Stomped) into my favourite book store. Somehow the silence, the cool air, the neat displays and the quietly engaged looks of the people inside makes me feel calm. There is a sense of calm in looking through books, which not the same as looking through music. And is quite the opposite of looking through clothes. You look at titles, authors, categories of writing, new stuff, spines, back blurbs, imagery and you get absorbed.
I had been walking around wound up and rattled and tired. Then found solace at Waterstones, bought a bag full of books that caught my fancy. I shall hide in them, switch off the doorbell, the TV, the phones, the router, the laptop..and read. A good book is so special, and worth so much, I find it difficult to describe it in words.
I shall hide from the world, sometimes you need to switch off the rest of the world and hide in a cave. By yourself. Away from the noise, which perhaps you brought onto yourself. Away from people, with who there is constant contact and thus a need to keep conversations going. Go back inside your own head. And hear the silence broken only occasionally by a turning page. Bliss.
I went out today to the market, needed to post something. Walked past shoes and clothes and perfumes, all of which tempt me when I am in a good mood. But I am not. In fact today I was just irritated by the in-your-face marketing these products get. Was I tempted...no..not at all...so I walked (read Stomped) into my favourite book store. Somehow the silence, the cool air, the neat displays and the quietly engaged looks of the people inside makes me feel calm. There is a sense of calm in looking through books, which not the same as looking through music. And is quite the opposite of looking through clothes. You look at titles, authors, categories of writing, new stuff, spines, back blurbs, imagery and you get absorbed.
I had been walking around wound up and rattled and tired. Then found solace at Waterstones, bought a bag full of books that caught my fancy. I shall hide in them, switch off the doorbell, the TV, the phones, the router, the laptop..and read. A good book is so special, and worth so much, I find it difficult to describe it in words.
I shall hide from the world, sometimes you need to switch off the rest of the world and hide in a cave. By yourself. Away from the noise, which perhaps you brought onto yourself. Away from people, with who there is constant contact and thus a need to keep conversations going. Go back inside your own head. And hear the silence broken only occasionally by a turning page. Bliss.
Monday, August 20, 2007
What did I mean?
I meant no matter what happens, I shall remain by your side.
However tough things get, you shall have me with you.
I know your imperfections, and despite them.
I know your limits, and in spite them.
When you fall ill and look bad,
when you mutter and mope,
When you are afraid and worried, I will be there.
I know your ability to be a pain,
I know your ability to be a balm.
Your thoughts, your actions may not always be right,
what you say may not always soothe,
And I will remain, right there, with you.
Despite every fight,
And no matter how long the argument.
I shall wait till the cows come home,
and still fight with you if i must.
But I wont go.
I will not walk when things look down.
I will not run and hide when things get tough.
I will not turn around and walk, and give up.
I will not change you,
I will not let you be.
I will not get tempted by temporary peaceful options,
and permanent emptiness.
I might scream, and cry and shout,
perhaps even throw things.
I might wish things were different,
but only temporarily.
I might want to shake you occasionally,
sometimes I might wave my hands and stamp my feet.
But you,
I will not let go of.
With you, I shall stand.
Always. Forever. Whatever.
This is what I meant..when I said I love you..
However tough things get, you shall have me with you.
I know your imperfections, and despite them.
I know your limits, and in spite them.
When you fall ill and look bad,
when you mutter and mope,
When you are afraid and worried, I will be there.
I know your ability to be a pain,
I know your ability to be a balm.
Your thoughts, your actions may not always be right,
what you say may not always soothe,
And I will remain, right there, with you.
Despite every fight,
And no matter how long the argument.
I shall wait till the cows come home,
and still fight with you if i must.
But I wont go.
I will not walk when things look down.
I will not run and hide when things get tough.
I will not turn around and walk, and give up.
I will not change you,
I will not let you be.
I will not get tempted by temporary peaceful options,
and permanent emptiness.
I might scream, and cry and shout,
perhaps even throw things.
I might wish things were different,
but only temporarily.
I might want to shake you occasionally,
sometimes I might wave my hands and stamp my feet.
But you,
I will not let go of.
With you, I shall stand.
Always. Forever. Whatever.
This is what I meant..when I said I love you..
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