A Case of You

Coming straight out of my head...a song that has been going on in my head...Here is a song by Joni Mitchell and a self portrait by her.

A case of you

Just before our love got lost you said
"I am as constant as a northern star"
And I said, constant in the darkness
Wheres that at?
If you want me I'll be in the bar"

On the back of a cartoon coaster
In the blue TV screen light
I drew a map of Canada
Oh Canada
And your face sketched on it twice

Oh you are in my blood like holy wine
Oh and you taste so bitter but you taste so sweet
Oh I could drink a case of you
I could drink a case of you darling
And I would still be on my feet
Oh I'd still be on my feet

Oh I am a lonely painter
I live in a box of paints
I'm frightened by the devil
And I'm drawn to those ones that ain't afraid

I remember that time that you told me, you said
Love is touching souls
Surely you touched mine
Cause part of you pours out of me
In these lines from time to time

Oh you are in my blood like holy wine
And you taste so bitter but you taste so sweet
Oh I could drink a case of you
I could drink a case of you darling
Still I'd be on my feet
And still be on my feet

I met a woman
She had a mouth like yours
She knew your life
She knew your devils and your deeds
And she said
"Go to him, stay with him if you can
Oh but be prepared to bleed"

Oh but you are in my blood you're my holy wine
Oh and you taste so bitter, bitter and so sweet
Oh I could drink a case of you darling
Still Id be on my feet
I'd still be on my feet

Mmmmmmm
by Joni Mitchell

Do what you must..and grow up!!

A baby can do what it wants, eat when it wants, sleep when it wants, cry when it feels like and smile when it really wants to. Age brings patterns of learned behaviour which are passed on to us, do not scowl, smile when you say thanks, keep quiet when you are in company of strangers, be polite at all times, dont be rude and do not ever shout and scream, keep calm when you dont get your own way, stay awake and work during the day even if it means battling waves of sleep as they hit you after lunch.
Are we not trying to unlearn something that we were born knowing? A child knows that to do instinctively, whether its ancient wisdom that comes down the evolution line to us, or it is something the human body knows as part of some gene code. We unlearn what we were born knowing, resting when needed, expressing emotions and doing what would make us 'acceptable' as defined by society.
Little surprise then that a lot of times we spend our energies doing things that we are not really keen to do, staying up late working on those, falling sick with stress and tiredness and then being told to rest and sleep, and while we are ill we are allowed to eat and sleep and do what we fancy, and then we get better. There seems to be some logic to this.
I am not saying one should be allowed to do all that he or she wants at all times, but then I do wonder who defines what is right or wrong? And if we started to define what we think was acceptable or not, would it make us reclusive?
I just feel that a lot about being 'old and mature' is about worrying about things that are not that big and could be ignored, that doing things to please other people plays a large part of our lives. Being old is about doing things without being told, seeing things which are unclear with clarity, predicting problems that might not happen, preventing things, and pretending. Are all adults fake? Is it a surprise then that we value the innocence of little children. Do we have to grow up?

500 years of Women in Western Art

This amazing video from youtube (by eggman913@gmail.com) was too good to not share...for all those who know about art and artists and for all those who appreciate beauty in art

Whazzup blood?

Whats good fam?
What popping out on the roads? Man like me is kicking back wid the man dem doing my ting still. How come you aint hollerd at me in years blood? Iv been in nearly a year now blood. Buts nutting Im back in the roads real soon. And trust me fam Im on some gritty shit. Man better be ready when I touch down on a next level. Are man still on the spitting ting? Ribs and them are back in here. They want man to link up wid the gully gang. But Im not on the spitting ting no more so if man are still on it I can link that for you still. Anyway you faggot boy how come you aint checked for Baz? He is going mad wid you man the last time I got a letter from him. Man like the B man is going on gully in swimmy. He bus up with Kev wid Wints and now hes on a next wing still. Bp was with my yout moving like a dickhead. When you see Vamps tell him Im going to bust his head because he told me to send him a VO but he never came when Cherrie came for him. So tell him dont even chat to me when I land. Iv sent a VO for you, sleeps and aftab. So book it soon as. Tell the man dem I said whats good and I will phone man soon. Holla back.
One Love
Dred.

This is a letter from an inmate, to his buddy outside jail. I will not take credit for it...this is just a glimpse into how they think and how they talk, how they write. Having worked with them for so long, I know exactly what he means...I should get back on the road I guess.

Pearls of Wisdom

Sat in a sunny park pondering today about this and that and discovered some things many people might have thought about, cursed and figured themselves at some point. Why is it?....

- All the dumb people have the most money
- The smartest guy has the best ideas but no money
- The worst looking guy, has the best looking girl
- The worst looking girl has the richest dad
- The coolest car is driven by the saddest person
- The most promising pal of yours is struggling in life
- The pathetic guy you ignored in school is doing really well
- The mouse type girl you did not look at in school is now WOW!!
- The sexy boy from the school football team is now fat and bald
- The one person you hated from college knows your boss at work

One Flew Over...

Its not been too long since the last time I had one of my students kill himself. It came as a nasty surprise this morning. Intense depression was not cured by intensive therapy and a close watch. It was depressing to see a young life wasted. And last night. Another one. Another young prisoner who had enough of being in prison decided to end his own life by setting himself and his cell on fire. What a painful and desperate thing to do. I feel for his family and for all those who loved him.
Death in custody is fastidiously monitored and trained for in prisons, we have all sorts of paper work to make such incidence a thing of the past. Lots of training, yet issues which could become options between life and death are left as paper trails to be picked and followed within the regime timings. A lot of lectures and information leaflets and constant vigilance while interacting with prisoners. Yet you do not know who shall slip through, and when, and how. It is sad.
Some would say he was a criminal and must have harmed another human being and does not deserve sympathy. I do not think so, these are young people who have gone off the rails, they do horrible things, but then they also spend a lot of their young lives in prisons as a punishment. They do not deserve to die.

Of text books and such like

Just remembered days long gone by...of the School Report Day. Whence the family would proceed to school to pick up the Report for the year for the children.
The freshly filled in page, with the statement 'progress to next class'.
And then off we went to the book shop across the road, to buy new books and new pens, pencils, ink pots and also compasses, protractors and dividers...and the lot. There used to a Camel Geometry box, which was a popular thing in school. This used to be expensive then, these days it is about Rs 65.00. We used to also buy rolls of brown cover paper to cover the various notebooks and also labels to put on top for identification in a class of 30-35 students.
The shopping list ended with buying new bright white school shirts with the School Monogram on them. And then it was off home to start to process of covering new books.
There were notebooks with lines for writing, note books with blank pages on one side for science, geography and history. There were squared notebooks for maths and a book known as Mental Maths, which I used to hate. There was also a sheaf of blank physical and geographical maps of India and later on the world for the geography class. I used to wait to reach a higher class where I would be asked to buy 'registers' which are letter size lined notebooks. The older children also seemed to carry a lot less books. I think watching parents spend money on all this was not something I noticed, it was more the ownership of something shiny and new that I liked at this point. It made me look after my things. Something I dont think I see anymore.

My father would sit and cover all my books and then fill in the labels neatly with my name, surname, class, section, and the subject. As I grew older I was handed down text books that my doodle loving older sister used before me. She had a strange fondness for daisies and so I would have spiraling floral decoration in my margins. I would also have squares coloured in and random notes, which were squeezed tightly into the space just above the text on the books. The back pages of these books were absolutely covered with writing and flowers. Being the good girl that she was my sister did not vandalize her books by using them as bats for cricket or as a paper source for throwing around in class. She did not particularly like chewing paper so all pages were intact. Its just the daisies that did my head in!! My poor younger brother left school to join a different one in a different city so he needed brand new books. I think I was the only one with recycled books in the family. It would have been great to see what he would have made of my weakness for Paisley patterns :)

Old Woman Rants

Ever so often I catch a bus to work. My trip takes about 20 mins and though I do have a newspaper to read each morning, I find myself staring at the world that is changing at a miraculous speed around me. Most people look half asleep and dead tired and that is no surprise..its 7.00am!! The entertainment is the children on the bus...about 30 of them get on at different points! And you can make out the smart children from the stupid ones, the up-to-no-possible-good ones from the good-child-of-an-anxious-family, and of course, the-only-child-in-the-family. I have been on this route for nearly 3 years which means I have actually observed some of these kids grow up!! (Yes I should get a life or a car! I know!!)

But seriously..I see those who have the newest phone (and what may one do with a mobile when one is in class and straight back home after school?), I also see those who have a BIG iPod to listen to the oh-so-short journey to school.

Then I see all the girls, from being pigtailed sweeties turn into mini adults in adult make-up, slicked and styled to breaking point hair casually thrown on uniforms with as few buttons done up as possible, short skirts and rolled down socks!! Okay I admit this sounds like a weird description - but it is true. These kids are not more than 14yrs old!! I recently heard my mum moaning about the same problem in India- she has been working in schools for 25 yrs now, and spends a considerable amount of time pulling down skirt hems and asking people to pull their socks up, literally!!

The boys are not better, the air of nonchalance is closely followed by a quick look at the coolest girl in the group. She of the straight blond hair and heavily mascaraed blue eyes. Reed thin and sporting lots of makeup, cool designer shoes and a heavily graffiti-ed bag. She has equally ugly spotty female friends around her, the word 'foil' comes to mind! All the boys want to look at her but prefer to stand and travel than to sit next to her, even when a seat is available, you see they are too cool to bother! With hair stiffer than your average broom bristles, ties hanging low, they are amusing, preening category of people. I had one sit next to me, who reeked of after shave (at the age of 11-12) so much so I could smell him through my very bad cold!!

It seems that the average young person has more material goods, which they cant afford to buy themselves, more make-up and more designer gear than their other hard working adult travel mates! Why? Is it me being an old cribbing woman or just someone who is constantly surprised at the ability that parents have to spoil their children beyond repair!!

Living with a Man!

A long time ago, Monica of Friends, complained about having to live with a 'boy'. She looked pretty darned unhappy about it. I am not unhappy but I know exactly what it is like..here are a few guarantees to life with a man in the house:
~ Dirt and dust are invisible to men
~ Dishes need to be used till you need to drink out of a flat dinner plate and there is nothing clean left
~ The bathroom shall always be wet
~ Toilet roll is never replaced by a man, and the seat is always up!
~ The pretty candles you used to light are now permanently dead because he saw no point of candles in the bathroom
~ The toothpaste always has its cap missing
~ Wet towels are dried on the bed and often on the floor
~ Bedsheets are not things that need washing
~ They often do not see the difference between body wash, body soap, body gel and bath & body gel
~ Wet teaspoons in the pot of sugar are often found
~ The fridge is somewhere you must poke your head often, but its not something that needs cleaning.
~ Rinsing a cup is often thought to be the same as washing with soap
~ Good music can often mean loud rock!!
~ After each chat with a pal on the phone - he has to smile and say - you can really talk!
~ Tidying up is not something they get, the house is vacuumed then its clean. No notice is taken of cushions in the floor, bunched up rugs, CDs which are outside their cases
~ All the 'pretty' things you have are not appreciated - they are just there. 'Pointless' is what he might think of them as.
~ A small sniffle or cough, low fever, tummy aches become 'life threatening' if the man gets them. You so have to baby them!! You can not possibly say - 'its a cold, get on with it'
~ The TV is always ON!! and at a LOUD setting.

Sounds pretty grim, but if you ever lived with a man you shall know some of these to be true! They are fun to be with, but I do think they are from a different planet sometimes :)

Amitabh Bachchan made me cry!

Just saw an extremely cringe worthy Hindi film award presentation from Yorkshire in England. It was hyped beyond means and continued in the new found tradition of awarding Indian film awards outside India...I still do not get why they do this!! Apart from marketing reasons. Well UK went a bit mad, Yorkshire was flooded with queues and troops and people...and the IFA awards started. A bewildered looking Culture Minister - Tessa Jowell was presiding!

Mr Bachchan who is now considered a Pillar of Hindi cinema, a giant amongst mortal actors presented a short speech about the 'IFA movement', the first time he said it, I did a double take, the next time he said it, it sounded like the 'freedom' movement or something equally important. He went on calling it so...eventually leading me to shout aloud at the screen..asking him to...well...shut up really!! He then went on to calling UK - his 'second home'. Amazing!! Second home? Second home!!! hello?? I know they shoot here, but he was speaking on behalf of the whole film industry. A pillar, awarded a PhD for his contribution to Cinema, an international icon, and he says amazingly stupid things. I am not even going to start on his ability to turn up on Indian TV advertising just about any and everything going!

The ceremony got even better, with Dharmendra being awarded an award and his tearful younger son coming to the podium along with older bro Sunny, to howl into the microphone, 'he is the best'. Yup everyone thinks their dad is the best, and not too many of us cry about it on stage!

2006 was called a landmark in Indian cinema by someone who bumbled onto the stage, it had movies like Rang De Basanti...and....and...Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna, Omkaara ofcourse..but then also movies like Vivaah and Krish! Landmark? Landmark...needless to say I was laughing by now!!Rakesh Roshan apparently discovered the whole concept of 'animation' in film in India..and it did not exist before! And he was awarded for it. Aishwarya and Abhishek were called the 'Golden couple' of Indian cinema..they have been married for more than two months...so perhaps...
The cringing continued when Upen Patel dedicated his award to all the British Asians and said this was 'just the start' for a man who can not speak much of his native language..it was funny! Just about everyone who came on stage screeched an 'I love you Yorkshire'...automatically alienating all the other people of UK who watch Indian cinema!!
Conspicuously missing were Rani Mukherjee, Aamir Khan, Shahrukh Khan...

Shilpa Big Brother Shetty cried about everything and everyone, she shook her booty on the screen and then sat and cried, amazing!! Bearing in mind no one knew who she was till Jade Goody did her some good. It was interesting.

What never ceases to amaze is the fact that they are INDIAN film awards...yet they don't include the South Indian film industry at all. Not even mention it. I wont even mention the other film industries in India...even Wikipedia mentions seven of them!! Atleast!! Quite a few hit films are known to be rip offs of their superior originals from south India. No mention was made of the industry. Nothing. Zilch!! And then we wonder why people down South do not speak in Hindi!!Ridiculous. India speaks a lot many languages..Hindi yes..and English...but lets not forget the regional languages that make us who we are!
Amazing. Sad. Ridiculous! Amitabh and co made me cry, and they were not even trying to!!

Thinking Vis-a-vis Weight Loss!

Thinking is thought to be tiring work. Physical and mental exercise burns calories. Chess players are known to have lose weight after an intensive match. Going by that - most of us, worry-pots, should be thinner than the size 0 models.
When faced with a problem, major or minor, our brain - either shuts down and says 'cant deal with THAT' or starts to work around it instantly. A few of us have the evolved ability to see a problem and put it aside and by saying, 'THAT, I will think about later', almost as if the the problem is like a book, you can read later!
The rest of us might sit down and analyze what the problem really is, and if there are multiple solutions possible, which one best to take. It is at this point that we mess up - we start discussing it with others, often hoping that they would reach the same solutional option as you! It could be anything, from the big decision of house buying to a small decision about who NOT to invite for a party at home. You might have thought it out, but when someone tells you otherwise (this some one being some one you know, respect and trust enough to seek advice/discussion) you start thinking again.
Often a problem is like an onion - you want to keep peeling it, and peeling it, to reach the core, even if it makes you cry, you keep going!! You want to solve it, resolve it, file it away to the back of your head with a Post It that says DONE! But you are smart enough to know that the simplest and quickest solution might not be the best solution! And there you go again!
Think of one problem you have right now. Any one, go on...am sure you have one..because if you don't call the Guinness Book!! Right? Got it, problem in head, think about its root causes, possible solutions you have, why which one wont work, and so what will you do about it? You have 30 mins to solve it...go!
Reached a solution? No? Think again!
And if you do keep thinking, for the next 2 hours or so, see if your clothes are getting any looser, coz weight loss does happen!
More importantly...are you any closer to solving things? If not, then you probably are one of the millions who like to worry, and genuinely worry, but are completely far far behind in solving things. You might also be one of the people others call 'worrier'...and don't worry, most mothers fit into this category too - the ability to worry, without good reason, and without a good solution!!

Cleanliness is Directly Proportional to Age

The whole physical effort involved in cleaning your surroundings is utterly pointless. You shall perhaps spend a few minutes or hours (depending on your standards) every day or every week cleaning the space you work in and live in. This could include tidying up, putting away things in the places they belong, filing papers, hoovering the house, washing dishes, ironing clothes, getting rid of mails and bills etc etc.
On being completed the effort feels huge and the results could be pretty rewarding, if you have not given up half way through and got pulled away by something (anything) more entertaining than cleaning up. The fact that age and cleanliness are directly proportional is something I am suggesting here. So you might feel you are turning into your own mum, a straight forward test of this state is by asking yourself one simple question - can you spot dust on your computer / tv screen? If you can - the bad news is..yes...you are your mum now. As teenagers walking into dirt, dust, puddles was not a problem. As a young adult walking out of your jeans, leaving them in a puddle, and the next day, just walking into them and lifting them up was not a problem. Now, it is. As a student at university dirty dishes, used cups, sinks full of food gone by was a common sight. A time when you would drink water out of anything that could hold it...has gone. If you now have a favourite cup or mug, and IF it does have your name on it..yes...you are your mum now. If the CDs in your house are all in their own cases, and heaven forbid are arranged into some sort of genre or alphabetical order...yes...you are your mum now!!
If by now you are kinda sorta annoyed because you do all of the above and find it not even in the same post code as funny that you are being called mum....YES...You are your own mother now.
The point being - young people dont see dirt, dust or messes. Not too old people see it but it does not bother them, OLD people, dare I say - see it, worry about it, clean it up and then worry about it when it collects again!! take your pick!! Where do you sit on that line?

Flooded with poetry

I see no real reason but I seem to have gone into poetry recall..from those I learnt at primary school to those I read in Eric Segal many years later. I can recall Kukuburra sits on the old Gum Tree and the amazing memoirs of a traveller, who saw stone trunks - Ozymandias and then there was Edward Lear's - the Owl and the Pussycat. There is of course Abu Ben Adam, and the one that comes to mind every early spring in England, when the Daffodils come out and William Wordsworth's words are visible everywhere.
They just seem to come flooding in right now, poems, rhymes, thoughts that start from a piece of literature I read a long time ago. It got triggered by watching Mira Nair's 'Namesake' where Tabu quotes Wordsworth, and continued by thinking about the lines Oliver says to Jenny in the Love Story ~ Eric Segal at his best,

"When our two souls stand up erect and strong
"Face to face, silent, drawing nigh and nigher
"Until the lengthening wings break into fire at either curved point,
"What bitter wrong can the earth do to us
"That we should not long be here contented?
"Think! In mounting higher, the angels would press on us
"And aspire to drop some golden orb of perfect song
"lnto our deep, dear silence
"Let us stay rather on earth, Beloved,
"Where the unfit contrarious moods of men recoil away
"And isolate pure spirits
"And permit a place to stand and love in for a day
"With darkness and the death-hour rounding it."
"l give you my hand!
"l give you my love more precious than money
"l give you myself before preaching or law
"Will you give me yourself? Will you come travel with me?
"Shall we stick by each other as long as we live?"

Of course she says yes!!

Phew!! that piece was stuck in my mind and I had to Google it and get it out of my system tonight, or I would have been wandering around repeating the two lines that had come to mind..there is something to be said about poetry...its like a smell, reminds you always of what you initially thought and felt when you read it. It has an ability to recall more than just words...thank heavens for an ICSE system which did at that time (long time ago) laid emphasis on poetry and drama and prose...

Women, Haircuts and New Beginnings.

They say that a new hairstyle can instantly lift your mood. They also say that hair by virtue of its life / presence signify some sort of history and in getting them chopped off, we break away from memories of our past. Many women say that they change hairstyles when something radical and life changing happens, like a birth of a baby, wedding, divorce, death, turning 30, 40 or any other decade shift. I don't know if it is true. I do think there is some kind of attachment we women seem to have to our hair. We fuss over them, we look after them, we use them to hide, we use them to flirt, we use them to feel good, and a bad hair day can turn out to eventually be just a bad day on the whole!
Well it so happened that after looking like a girlie girl for over a year or so, I decided to get back to my sorter than you can catch hold of hair. My curly locks were about to get chopped off. I had done the deed of looking sweet and nice and now that that was out of my way I was okay to get back to my low or rather no maintenance hair style.
So it came rather as a surprise that my hairstylist looked like her heart would break when I told her what I wanted to do. She was shocked and then doubtful about my decision. When she saw that I was not about to be cajoled into a 'mid length' style, she asked me - 'so what happened that is making you do this?' I must say for once I was lost for words. Nothing had happened...well, yes I did get married, and he likes short hair, and it is hot, and of course it can grow back, and well, without being rude - it is my head!!!
Since nothing radical had happened, and there was no spicy news of a break up or anything, the hairstylist shut up and did what she was being paid to do.
Needless to say I wont be going to her again in a hurry. Talk about mountains and molehills!!!

Of loved ones gone

You meet someone today, you exchange thoughts and wishes and then you are both on your own ways, with bids of meeting again, sometime soon, and how good it was to see them. You dont know when you shall meet again, and its not a witches of Macbeth option. You really dont know and will not know if you shall meet again or not.
Some time ago I made a blog entry about advice from an 80 year old aunt about being a good wife. I had seen her after about 7 years, we spoke often on the phone and with every visit to India I did think I would go travel across to meet her. But did I, oh no! It was always a yes I will, but no not right now, and maybe later, sure next time. But I never did get the chance and I must admit I never did make enough of an effort to go. Well she decided to slip away quietly. And I never thought of that as a possibility.
We never do I guess, we never think that death, illness, accidents and such like would happen to us or those we love. I know it is a pessimistic way of thinking, but is there not a line between pessimism and realism? I do wonder!

Join the gang!

Early morning, posh conference room in a posh Rugby club. Shiny people, the smell of freshly brewed coffee and strong cologne on academic wrists, name badges slapped on and welcome packs given. We meet for breakfast of coffee and pastries, sausage rolls 4 sorts of cereal with 3 types of milk and after introductions we sit down to discuss what we will discuss later. Talk a lot about relevant things, make big plans about what to do after lunch. Break for lunch. Eat freshly cut sandwiches, pasta salad, chicken wings, parma ham with cold melon, fresh fruits, chocolate cheesecake, strawberry cheesecake, some more coffee. Sit for another round of presentations and talks about what to do after tea. More coffee, cream biscuits, chips, sugar coated wafers, chocolate fingers and then back to PowerPoint. Discussions about semantics, no conclusions, my eyes start to shut. My stomach is over loaded, my body has a sugar high, and my mind is numb with listening and talking about things which are important enough to warrant a day out on the office like this. However, nothing comes out of it. Nothing new, nothing important, nothing relevant, nothing that we could not have sorted via a quick email exchange.
Welcome to the gravy train my friend!!

Our Modernity

Most of us who are the wrong side of 30 would know of people, friends, family, colleagues who have been divorced or separated. Dont we? We would also know of kids who get weekend parenting from the one who lost the custody battle. We would know atleast one bitter person thanks to this phenomenon.
Is it an easy come, easy go attitude that we have that is to blame? The whole my way or the high way situation, where you are never wrong and you are who you are and could not, would not, and should not want to change. And you would want some one to love you for 'who' you are. Is that not a glib way of saying, I am like this, and I cant be asked to change, much as I love you, I love myself more?
There are also so many dimensions to us and our needs, that we do think that one person shall never be able to meet our varied mental and emotional needs that change with time. And that are currently met by varied friends and other social groups.
There are also issues of friends. Since we do marry late, we have had to time to make friends - fun friends, good friends, close friends, protective friends, friends who have messed about with us but we still like them, friends who matter a lot. But once you marry there are my friends, your friends and our friends, and when there are that many people involved, there are bound to be discussions about priorities for meeting/ calling in our oh so busy lives.
The list is long....too long..but the spark that triggered this thinking is my folks 35 wedding anniversary. Yup..married THAT long. Neither is perfect or easy to live with (and i know!!). I wonder how they shall get on once they retire, because to be together 24x7 is tougher than it looks. They say they have been married and its not always been easy, they have had their tough times, but knowing that there is no way out of it has meant they solve anything that comes up, because there is no other option. The fact that they were always there for each other no matter what helped. I have seen my parents happy, satisfied and have never seen an argument or a fight, perhaps they waited till I was asleep.
So I wonder if that is the problem with us lot - options, and too many of them!! We are the children of post modern thinking, feminist thinking, egalitarian thinking. Of divorces that according to last Sunday's newspapers- are free and take 36 hours to come through over the internet. Are we not going too far, or I am I trying to retreat into thinking like my parents? Is just unconditional love not enough to live a lifetime? Or am I being silly now!

Met Mr Bossy Boots yet?

He stands alone and assumes that it is entirely polite to stare. The man just slightly bulging out of his trouser waist. The paunch, the remnants of hair, swept back carefully with an air of nonchalance into a barnet. The tightly tucked in shirt. Chest and stomach out, back arching to hold the weight and the massive ego he carries around with him. The over powering cologne, and astounding bad breath. The clothes straight out of an old 70s film, where the 'bad boys' wore stripes with checks and bright tightly knit tops. The one person who will push into a queue and stare back when stared at and not apologetically or out of guilt. The man who thinks he rules the world and thinks its just about fair to be rude and bossy to all and sundry.
Often this kind of male struts and does not walk, his air of condescension at once comic yet highly annoying. He is also often accompanied by either his female strutting equivalent or in most cases by this sheepish wont-say-much type. The kind who pretends nothing is wrong with her man and it is okay to be bossed around by him. She will forgive him his innuendos and passes at all women he fancies. She will fetch and carry for him and do as she is told. He of course is the lazy one but on being asked shall moan about the whole world and about how over worked he is and how the pay is shit and how 'back in the days' it was much better, all in the amount of time it takes you to say 'how are you?'
This man will often pretend he had something to do with the Army at some point of time, which is a read between line kind of way of explaining why he is Mr Bossy Boots. He is the one person who has missing words in his dictionary, these being - sorry, excuse me, thank you, please etc.
These people are the bane of my life. They appear out of nowhere and see no reason to not stare lecherously, push old women and children around and of course jump into the queue in front of me. If only I was taller and stronger.....
If you have not met the kind yet...good for you, but I am sorry to say, you will meet one, and soon, there are plenty around. If you ARE one of these lovelies, please do something..anything. Personality transplant is a Good option!

Poor Sods!!

Marking, is a strange thing. Knowing that the figure that your pen shall scratch out on the marksheets shall have an impact on someone's choices in their future is strange. To know that this person is hoping for a high mark in most cases and then also knowing that you could notch it up, if you like, makes this job not only tedious but something that involves a lot of thinking.

Combine this pressure with that of assessing works of Art / Design and Craft students. Where personal opinion and a touch of likes and dislikes which colour your decisions and therefore your marks. I like certains styles of work and dislike certain mediums, thus judging a piece of work made in the a way I dont like makes it tough for me to judge fairly.

Its all about getting a fair mark. It is also about judging fairly the effort made to work. So what do you do when personal prejudices and grudges against students show up? You can't always like the lazy one who does little work, skips lectures and whines about lack of support. On the other hand the one who lives in the library, does about 4 drafts of each piece of work and sits right up front in all lectures and seminars is hard to dislike.

There is yet another dimension. Meeting the eager beavers on the street and they tell you all about how hard they worked and how they hope this year shall get them better marks than last year and how they have sat and made plans of what to do next year. And how their parents are looking forward to their Graduation ceremony!!

Hmm! Poor sods, little do they know that when you mark 180 essays in a short period of time. The work becomes nameless and faceless. Personal opinions are hard to suppress in matters of art and design. So I guess its me and my marking...but....but...this is UK..we got to be fair..right? Every time? YES!!

Assessment is looked at by 3 different people for each piece of work, which means it is as fair as it gets. Then an independant marker shall compare notes and discuss reasons for disagreement over marks that may arise. Then marks are re-negotiated..and finally put down. This final mark is assesed by an external moderator who again thinks if its right or wrong. And then a mark is given which is written in stone. Well...as far as possible. There is however a possibility that the student can raise a complaint about it and get it looked at again.
Which means for people like me who teach and mark...every assignment is a painful long journey..dont know who the poor sods really are...me or them!!

Mayhem in here.

There seems to be a dual processor of sorts in my head. Its like Lewis Carrol's Wonderland in here...

Magnified sounds, thoughts about the new book I am writing for, the last chapter of the thesis, the milk thats nearly finished in the fridge, the need to buy a birthday card for my mum, the password I have set for my new email ID, sensations high - the prickly feel of the Indian sun, the spices that are burning right now, faces of people I met on the bus....
Random patterns, sounds and colours, smells and ideas...no clarity, but no confusion either. Its just that I think faster than I can process the details of my thoughts.

So it was strange reading this...
'Wonderland is within. I'm hyperactive and insane: one thought leads to something ridiculously unrelated and never comes back to the first. My thoughts don't make sense, or comes back to the first. My thoughts don't make sense, or come to any conclusions or insights. And there's rarely one thought at once, there are layers of boring, repetitive, crazed snippets. I'm regurgitating memories, plans, information, music, movies, 'Friends' episodes, 'Dr Who' highlights and daydreams. It's mayhem in here.'
Sarah MacDonald - Holy Cow - An Indian Adventure.

Chop Chop!

Recipe straight off the horses mouth..the celebrity chef spouts recipe for green chutney...off we go to buy the ingredients..and what? Someone states they cook better than me and gets started...
Out comes the blender, the colander, green chillies, garlic...

I am easing down on the sofa with a glass of red wine. Ahhhh!!! Bliss...a husband who can cook and knows the difference between a colander and coriander...ooooh!!!
Strange noise...huh?
Again..strange noise like some drill working in the house.

Needless to say the sound emanates from the Kitchen..a quick peek reveals green splatters on every surface in the kitchen..including him. Never mind..Sound - AGAIN!! what is it..
The chopper/grinder has died...after 8 years of faithful service..its been killed swiftly by the husband! Oh Dear!!
Can buy another one..so hey! Never mind!

Glass of wine...sofa..i am back...
I hear *&%$!!! S*&T!!!
Now what?
Blood...everywhere...everywhere...someone has managed to touch the blade of the blender and run it at the same time...
finger chopped..blood and chutney everywhere..I add turmeric to make it clot...technicolour kitchen! cold water / ice cube/ turmeric....and a chef who aint feeling too good!!!

Oh Dear!!
Dare I laugh...at this sorry figure splattered with green, blood streaming from his hand, glasses splattered with chutney..?
Yes I dare. I laughed. And Loudly too!
Cheers to the Mini Chef!!!

PS - Chutney was good!!

Walk Safe?

Working with criminals has its advantages, I am often unafraid of being mugged or caught at a point where I shall be asked for my mobile phone and wallet. But it also means I am more aware of people who look like trouble makers. This, I am not sure is a good thing or bad, as at most times I judge people by their appearance.
Okay... its not just the hoodies in the park that make me suspicious..its more than just that. And I know its discrimination. But I dont know if its fair to base your judgement on the 'road' by what you see at work!

Late last night as I walked home, I walked past a poorly lit park. Past a group of very drunk men and women who were trying to walk straight with pints of beer. My first reaction was, oh they are ok, there are women with them. And I was okay, but then I reflected on my reaction, is being accompanied by a female reason enough to be 'ok'? Are women safe? Or is it just an assumption that no decent woman would go out with a nasty knife weilding mugger?

I then walked past a small group of young men, who were dressed in floor kissing, ass revealing jeans, with studded belts baseball caps over their hooded sweatshirts. They seemed to be of a mixed race. I did not spend time staring at them. They were hanging around outside a 7/11 that sells alcohol. Their dress and body language told me to walk clearly past them, rapidly. No eye contact and no turning around.

Where have I learnt this discriminatory thinking and am I right in using it for my safety? From where does this survival / safety instruction journal come into my head. Surely its not just from working in a Prison or from typified media depictions of young offenders.

Teachings of an 80 yr old Aunt to a soon-to-be-married neice

This is between an 80 year of Aunt of mine and me a couple of days before the wedding...

80yr old Aunt - So now that you are marrying, always remember two things.
Me - What are those?
80yr old Aunt - In our times, we were not asked what we want and what we think and all that, but you are educated, have been on your own, lived abroad and have been working, so you have learnt a lot from being around a bit. The fact that you are This old also helps in a way....
Me - Do I hear a 'but' there?
80yr old Aunt - I suppose yes, I think you should remember two things, which will ensure happiness and peace in your house. The idea is to keep him happy, if he is happy, he will make you happy, and thats the whole point of being married.
Me - and those two things are?..??...
80yr old Aunt - Always remember he is smarter than you, he is older (yes he is by 3 days) and thus wiser, he is the man and needs to be in control, dont show him you know better, dont prove it either by doing it right. Let him think he has taught you all you know and follow him. So the first point is understanding who is the boss, and that the boss is always right.
The other thing to remember is, he might say things you dont like, always remember to keep quiet. God gave you a sharp tongue but also the 32 teeth in front of it, to keep it in control. If he says nasty things, keep quiet. Dont talk back and dont ever fight.

Needless to say this was going to be one long lecture. I shall not bore you with the details. However the bottomline thought was, if he did want to marry someone who does not have brains, the ability to use the brain, and communicate via using the tongue...he would not have gone for me. If I am to listen to this wisdom, I should change my name to 'COW'...

Me - But if there is something to disagree about, dont you think i should speak up, gently but let my thoughts come out and then he will know what makes me happy and unhappy.
80yr old Aunt - He would know na. He does not want to make you unhappy anyways. So he will figure it out. Just remember he wants the best for you, he looks like a wise man and he will make you happy, you just need to keep quiet.

And then came the Pearls...
80yr old Aunt - Men like to think they are smart and they are the boss, we all know who rules the house anyways and its not them. Just dont go around publishing the fact in the papers, do what you want quietly and get your way without discussions. By displaying no ability to think, you will fool him into thinking you dont have a brain, so when you do something smart occasionally, he will listen to you and appreciate you. Men are NOT smart..just remember to not let them know that you know this.

Me - (thinking quitely) does she know she is a type of feminist, should I enlighten her or apply her teachings and keep quiet?

Lessons Learnt from Getting Married

The past month was long and tiring. But one of the happiest in my life. I got married and despite having attended a million weddings I think I was not prepared for the following:
- People staring at you, like constantly.
- Photographers are way more irritating than they seem
- Its endless advice about what to wear, how to walk, talk and eat
- Long lectures about how to keep your in-laws happy
- Longer lecutures about how to be an obedient wife (!!!)
- Unasked for advice about hair and makeup and dress
- Innumerable requests for photographs with people
- All children gravitate towards the bride
- Shoes, no matter how expensive hurt eventually
- Jewellery gets stuck, very badly, in embroidery
- Make up makes you look thin and then people think you dieted for the wedding
- Flames in the fire for the wedding go very high if you dont watch it
- You see friends and family you are dying to get around and mingle with, but you cant!
- Tiredness is killing, no matter how much you rested
- Sentiments run high, and no matter how hard headed or hearted, or strong..you WILL cry
- As much as you do enjoy your own wedding- you WILL be glad when its done and dusted

I sound like an ungrateful wench...I am not really. Its just that attending a wedding as a guest was SO very different from being the one with the spot light on!! I promise to be MUCH nicer to who ever gets married next!!!

Thanks...

Existence of peace,
lack of silence.
not alone anymore.
Dreams of peaceful serenity,
prayers of happiness,
wishes of good luck and longetivity.

Asleep in my dreams,
I wake up to silence,
and turn to see,
the face of peace and comfort.
Alone in my thoughts,
but aware of the presence.
The comfort of love,
and the arms of happiness.

Its the end of the phone,
the email and skype.
Its the end of phone cards,
and changing clocks to work out time.
To wonder and wander,
and think and wish.
Curse the distance,
and wish for wings.

Not alone,
not anymore.
Thanks! to the Powers that be!

Itching

Have been silent for a while. Have been busy..but I am brimming with things to write. Wedding, meeting friends and cousins I have not seen for years, being a shy (or trying to be) sweet girl, train travel by Bharatiya Rail and then a trip to the mountains in UP or UK as it may be known now. Another trip around Jammu city and I have absolutely stuffed with observations. Itching to blog...

The Silence shall be broken soon!!

Home Sweet Home

I go back now. Back home, to the family and friends.
Back for a month to India.
Back in 24 hours in desh.
I dont know if there shall be time to blog, if not I shall catch up on the blogging when I get back.

There remain some hesitations, some thoughts, some hopes and a few butterflies in my stomach.
And a tiny little knot of happiness..could not say bubble coz they tend to burst!!

Adios Amigos, shall see you later!!

Smile...

Unbidden thoughts walk in,
and pull a curve across my face.
Unknown dreams come to surface,
a bit of dread strikes.
Happiness is kept away,
from eyes of evil.
The Gods must not know,
that there are smiles here.

The last thought before sleep,
alludes and tickles like a feather.
The first face in the morning,
reminds me of the night.
The voice on the phone,
and the post conversation smile.
The promise in a new day,
of those hesistating smiles.

A burst of laughter on the train,
the baby chuckling in sleep.
The call of the morning birds,
the mist as it rises.
Early morning chills,
and the promise of the summer.
Daffodils in the vase,
by the window smile.

Sin!

SIN - is objectively easily defined. Subjectivity however qualifies it differently depending on what you think of an action or thought!

I had the chance to meet someone, who was worried about the oldest sin of them all..Adultery!
Married for the past 17 years with 2 children, this lady had been constantly flirting at work with a colleague of ours. Harmless exchanges had recently developed into pretty strong innuendos..and I must admit I was not highly suprised to see the events that followed.

Lame excuses galore came out about how the marriage is breaking down, and how she really did not want to be with him to start with but was pregnant and all that. Much tears and sniffles later it emmerged that she was no longer in love with the husband!

But thats not what I am thinking about right now. The question is - is it sinful to betray some one you dont love or care about? Is it then ok to betray them and hope they have somehow figured out that you no longer love them anyways? Is it a sin to fancy someone else apart from your partner? Or is that ok if you dont take that liking any further? Is a half truth (or a white lie) forgivable?

And who is the person we are seeking forgiveness from? God? Or the person we have betrayed? And does that forgiveness really count or matter? In the long run?

Its a debate I have seen many people go through in this society full of 'easy come, easy go'. The books here...kind of confirm the distortion of thinking about this act. And I never know the right advice / answer to give. According to them I am harsh because of my bottom line - it IS sinful, end of! You commit to someone you stick with it, there are never any excuses allowed..because they are all, always lame! I told that to my friend...and a fresh burst of tears followed..making me feel very guilty.

I dont know!!

Freedom? Happiness and Space?

Been doing some A-Z thinking again..and i could not figure where this one was leading..

"It is by not always thinking of yourself, if you can manage it, that you might somehow be happy. Until you make room in your life for someone as important to you as yourself, you will always be searching and lost" Richard Bach, Spoken by Leslie Parrish, The Bridge Across Forever

Along this line of thought came Sigmund Freud and said.."Most people do not really want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened of responsibility."

However as fine lines go..there is a little space in between thinking about the other person and thinking for the other person. That little space is the only space you need in a relationship to keep your sanity I think. People I have read, and have spoken to argue vociferously for space...sometimes I am not sure if they are talking about the space to disagree or the space to not get involved. Not sure sometimes..

Definition

Location: Pub near the Motorway to London
Time: Night, The stars are out and its cold
Occassion: Smoke break which lead to wise thoughts
Discovered: A hilarious definition of a cynic

CYNIC: An optimist who has been happy slapped by reality!!

And when they are wrong...

Parents.
Owe them your life and your existence, owe them a lot for making you into who you are today. They always have your best interests at heart and would never do anything that would harm you or make you unhappy. Right?
Right?

You might agree..but ther are times when they know only so much and no more. Where your knowledge about something is better than theirs. Where you need advice but they are not the best people to give it. Our myth / belief/ faith that a parent will always know the right thing to do is shattered. But they are human too. So you need to go elsewhere to get advice..but thats ok.

But what do you do when they are wrong? Or you dont agree with them? When they suggest something that you really dont want to do. What do you do then? Argue with them? Convince them? Try and show them your point of view? What if they still dont agree. Worse they use their worst and most effective tool for applying pressure - Emotional Blackmail? What then?
Do you give up and give in and then do something you really dont agree with?

What if this has an impact on the rest of your life? What if it is a battle of wills? What if you know you shall be unhappy for a long time if you DO listen to them? Is it okay to doubt them and then not do as you have been told? You have listened and obeyed all your life but this once when you dont agree..you are put in a corner and told that you have been a disappointment. It might not feel too good.

I just wonder if there is a middle path with parents. There is bound to be a point when you dont agree with them, and cant convince them. They are bound to be wrong at some point. Where is the line between respect for them but the freedom and independence to do something else..without offending them and bringing along a whole course of tears and accusations and wails about 'useless children with no respect' and 'wasted time, energy and effort not to mention money' that has been ruined on this 'useless shameful' child.

Is there a middle path? Does reverse emotional blackmail then become a right choice?
I dont know!

Countdown

The countdown is on. To move into a new space and new place. A new identity and a new family. Hmm!
The weekend was spent thinking about new possibilities and visualising new situations.
As my head swirled with thoughts, I thought about the typical 'cold feet' situation. I dont have cold feet. Its more a realisation of how important moving ahead is, trust is, love is. Building blocks of relationships have created a new world into which I plan to enter.
Willingly, happily.
Yet there remains trepidation of the future. But a long time ago someone I love, trust and respect said, 'There are no assurances in life'.
So here I go. One more weekend spent thinking.

Week day and end

A knock to awake, a chime in your ear,
Bleary eyes and stuck lashes.
Gravity defying hair,
created by Mr.P.I.Llow
Half asleep cup,
of tea too hot to drink.
Burnt toast and jam,
just about put in.
Run with the toast and,
hope not to miss the bus.
Stare into the distance,
reach work and start.
Waiting for the days to slip past,
to let the weekend begin.
Life on the fast track,
a long list of things to do.
People to meet and friends to ring,
things to buy and empty the bin.
Plans made for the following week,
with an eye on the weekend.
Shall catch up on sleep,
and watch that program I waited for.
Hope it will be dry and warm,
did not expect to see the rain.
Stayed in hoping,
the next one will be better then this.
Weekend life,
In the weekend style.
Things to do,
as the clocks walk by.

Holi!

It came and went like it never were.
I was not intending to celebrate anyways. But I do miss the ability to...
The last time I did I was in school and since then (1995) it has not happened.
I dont miss the shoe polish in my hair or the silver paint on my nose and eyelashes.
I do miss the messing around and running for my life and hiding only long enough to catch my breath and I would be ambushed by someone else with colour!
As a child I hated the festival because I could never make out who is who. Also aat a 2 foot height most people would miss the bucket of water and by the dint of your height and the inability to look up and see whats going on I would get soaked by default and come out spluttering and gasping from a bukcet of cold coloured water!
Most Kashmiri's are not too keen to celebrate as it is too cold (or used to be) and its not really a Kashmiri tradition, but its part of the Hindu tradition of which we are part!
So happy Holi to those who played, and better luck next time to those who did not :)

Aaarrrgghh?? Anyone??

Do you ever feel that if you think and worry anymore about things you shall flip?
Are you ever so bothered about stuff that you know you are forgetting things that matter?
Do you ever get so wrapped up in thoughts that you know you are there...but..not really?
Stressed? Worried? Or maybe just plain tired?
Need to get away from it all? Run away, hide and...sleeeeep??

...and I now sound like an advert for a holiday plan!!
Not quite the intention here..this was just to say..my answer to all those is YES!!
A Loud Capital letters one!
Having one of those Aaarghhh!! days..well the past 2 weeks have been like that..so...hmmm!!

aaarghh?? anyone? or am I here alone?

Here Comes the Grump!

A cartoon series made a long time ago. A person I know is currently behaving in a similar pattern, this is in honour of him.

Here Comes the Grump was an animated cartoon series created by DePatie-Freleng Enterprises. The main character was a small, grumpy wizard who had put a spell of melancholy on the kingdom of the Princess Dawn. The Princess and her friend Terry Dexter (a boy from the "real" world) searched for the Cave of the Whispering Orchids where they would find a crystal key to break the spell while the Grump tried to stop them. The Princess also had a pet creature, Bip, who looked like a cross between a dog and an octopus, that could sniff clues like a hound dog. In most chapters, the Princess and her friends travelled in a flying car that was supported by a big balloon.
The premise of the series was that in each episode the Grump would fly on a dragon following Terry and Princess Dawn, searching for the cave. This led them to bizarre places with strange characters, such as the Blabbermouth of Echo Island, where the mountains were made of living Swiss cheese.
The series was very creative for its time (1969-1971) and the colors had psychedelic influences, predominantly red and pink. The Grump himself wore a pink outfit and the Princess' creature was red. A recurring gag was that at the very last minute when the Grump was about to catch up with Princess Dawn, the Dragon would sneeze and burn the little wizard.
The character of the Grump was based upon Yosemite Sam; both were created by Friz Freleng. The Grump's Dragon was the same exact one Sam had in Knighty Knight Bugs, right down to the fiery nasal explosions upon its master.
The series lasted one season and was rerun, the most recent being the airing on the SciFi Channel in mid 1990s. The complete collection DVD was released in January 31, 2006.

(from Wikipedia)

Death Cab for Cutie

Cant get enough of these people. Have been listening to Plans all through the weekend. Amazing lyrics and amazing music.

I wish we could open our eyes
To see in all directions at the same time
Oh what a beautiful view
If you were never aware of what was around you
And it is true what you said
That I live like a hermit in my own head
But when the sun shines again
I'll pull the curtains and blinds to let the light in.
(Marching Bands of Manhattan)

You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
(I will follow you into the Dark)

I do believe it’s true
That there are roads left in both of our shoes
If the silence takes you
Then I hope it takes me too
So brown eyes I hold you near
Cause you’re the only song I want to hear
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere
(Soul meets Body)

Atta Girl!!!

The 52 Annual Filmfare Awards (the Indian Oscar equivalent) took place in Mumbai last night.
Amongst the nominees was my very own sister. OK, she did not win, but India's biggest star Shahrukh Khan read out her name. So someone voted for the sister :)

Awards in the Techincal Category: Best Art Direction: Aparna Raina for 'Being Cyrus'

Though I dont like Mr Khan per se it did sound good to know that Aparna's work was being broadcast to the nation via this famous face.

Non conventional as this area is to my family of Doctors, Teachers, Engineers, Bureaucrats and Bankers, it was not easy for them to understand this desire to be behind the cameras. She broke the mould and worked on ad films and music vidoes, now after having been in Mumbai for 3 years, she is getting there!

Someday she shall be a celebrity I hope, and I can bask in reflected glory!! I wish! Hey sis..you did us proud!! Way to go!!

Step

One step ahead,
Two steps mentally.
The path reveals as it opens.
Its sometimes clear, comforting.
Its sometimes blurred, confusing, exciting

A crumble, a crush, a bloom, a blush.
The colours are light, yet harsh at times.
There is hope for something more,
just out of reach.
Dreams show the promise of things to come,
sometimes of pasts gone by.
Revealed is that which is gone
and those that will come.

Curiousity to see further,
the ability to go only so far.
The hope of getting more,
the promise of the same.
The wish of no mistakes and happiness,
the awareness of correct choices of path.
The steps ahead will show,
what is to come.

In Memory

This is in memory of a near and very dear one who passed away last night. He will be missed in more ways than one.

Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die.

Mamu you will be missed!

About Business Class and Softy Men

What is about men? They complain about being used and manipulated, but they turn soft as soon as a girl is sweet to them.
Last night for the 7th time I got upgraded for free from a crummy Economy class middle of the middle seat to 7K - business class in Virgin Atlantic. I travelled in style. All because I was very nice and smiley at the check in desk. I requested the nice young man at the desk to find me a good aisle seat as it was a long haul flight, he smiled back and said there is nothing available, when I continued to smile, he said he would sort something out, in the meantime I had a middle seat anyways. Later on I was called forward in the queue and told about my new seat. When boarding, was asked to turn left at the aircraft door..ooh! All for a smile :)

Having had this treatment done to me, now the 7th time on long haul flights (the other sweeties were all ground staff men with British Air, Gulf Air and Emirates) I was sitting and pondering about it while I soaked in the Champagne and nibblets. As I sat back with my feet up in the plush bed, and read through the latest antics of Shilpa Shetty in a UK magazine, I wondered if I would have been treated any differently if I was male.

How do airlines decide who shall get upgraded for free and why do they do it. Does a smile really work wonders on any man? I dont know if I want to think any theories here..or try and apply them. All I know is, when a girl (in this case me) smiles at a man (any man) chances are he will be really nice to her, and possibly do anything she wants. Ahh! I thank again the Lord for making me female!! Chromosome X rocks!

Pune! Visit 2

This time I am ready..to see the city and stay in it. To get up close and move around on my own! So I am walking, and auto ricking around town. Watching women bandits, wrapped in head scarves with only eyes visible..a typicall Pune thing to do! Strange..is the only way to describe it...if you really want to save your skin, you would not be wearing sleeveless clothes, and might not wearing a helmet when you ride a bike be a smarter option? I do wonder!
Also looked at women dressed in Bridal finery walking around town and eating road side food, dressed to the nines! I did think I saw one bride too many and then was told later, it was 'sari day' in some college, which meant every female in the college has to dress up..well according to me like a bride, because there are a great many ways and great many types of saris! And not all make you look like a bride.
The next thing I did do was go to a club, oh boy!! There were women in Saris there too! And the DJ played hot bollywood hits, which meant every single person was doing the same dance steps, being Kareena Kapur from Don or being Abhishek Bachchan from Guru. Amusing and entertaining and there was no other way of making me feel a lot lot older than i thought I was :)

Went up to Sinhgarh..and ate Pitala and Bhakri with some staggeringly hot red onion sauce..oh dear was it hot or was it hot! It was a nice unique place..sitting in the shade of a tree on a reed mat, eating freshly cooked food..seems like a truly 'rustic' experience if you are not Indian..but for me..it was yet another shade of India that I had not seen.
The visit to an Ashtvinayak temple in Thevur was great, saw a temple where one of the 8 lord ganesh's appeared in Maharashtra. On my way there I saw bullock carts laden with sugar cane making their way to the local sugar factory..it made a stunning picture against the sunset! On the way home, came a brisk and smelly fish market, selling produce so fresh, it was still flipping in the basket... i was tempted to buy some.
Amazing!
Overall I have let the city in, I am thinking about it. Its not a shock to my system as it was last time. Perhaps if I get a sense of direction in more ways then one..I would be happier :) But yes this place is like Mumbai, minus all the noise that comes with being a metropolis. The 7th largest city in India..but the village heart is not too far!

Snow Flakes Are Confused People

Big massive snow clouds in London,
And they changed my world to white this morning.
The snow flakes came, haltingly, hesistatingly,
And when they start to fall, they looked strange,
Like confused white alive things,
Dont know which way to go,
Helter skelter they go,
Not quite decided yet where they want to fall,
Sometimes they go 'wheeee!!' and spin round and round,
Sometimes they go running behind each other,
It looks like they are trying to dodge the ground,
To avoid being merged into the crowd,
To avoid being melted into nothingness.
While other larger flakes are tired of their journey,
All the way down to the ground,
They head straight home to Earth,
And fall down with a soft sigh,
Destination reached, now time to rest and melt.
Confused pretty white alive snow flakes!

Travelling

Miles dont matter,
To the moon and back is not far when you really want to do it.
I would change planets if required.
I am going. Going home. To where I belong, if only for a while.
To end my misery, even if temporarily.
Right or wrong, close or far. When the person matters, there is no debating.
There is no length long enough, no place too far.
I dont know about travelling through time..but a million miles is also not too long.
When you say you love someone, and really mean it.
It means a lot more than one phrase.
A lot more than love,
its about priorities, you know who shall be on top,
of your list.
You know when you wont think twice.
You will do anything to make them smile.
You will put their happiness in front of yours.
You would if you could. Anything.
Love means more than shared affection,
its more than a lot of caring,
it means more than marriage and children,
more than heart strings,
more than sacrifice and adjustments,
it includes:
'You mean the most to me, and there is nothing, that is trivial that I would not do for you, you matter that most, always, everytime and in every possible way. Everything else is trivial and matters little in the larger scheme of things'.

And so I am going..home...because 9000 miles is not that far.

"Counting Down The Days"

You were right
And I don't wanna be here
If your gonna be thereWas that supposed to happen
I'll hold tight
I'll remember to smile
Though it has been a while
And without you does it matter
There's no room
No place to start
When our souls are apart
I wanna travel through time
See your surprise
Hold you so tight
I'm counting down the days tonight
I just wanna be a million miles away from here
I'm counting down the days

How've you been
It's just the usual here
And days are feeling like years
And every day's without you
Now I cry
Just a little too much
When I think of your touch
And everything about you
I feel cold
I'm in the dark
When our souls are apart

I wanna travel through time
See your surprise
Hold you so tight
I'm counting down the days tonight
I just wanna be a million miles away from here
I wanna travel through time
See your surprise
Hold you so tight
I'm counting down the days tonight
I just wanna be a million miles away from here
I'm counting down the days
I'm counting down the days
I'm counting down the days
I'm gonna be your surprise
I'm gonna hold you so tight

Yeah
I wanna travel through time
See your surpriseI'd hold you so tight
I'm counting down the days tonight
I just wanna be a million miles away from here
I wanna travel through time
See your surprise
I'd hold you so tight
I'm counting down the days tonight
I just wanna be a million miles away from here
A million miles away from here

- NATALIE IMBRUGLIA.

Yet Another Weekend

Well this weekend, I thought I would not listen to any music, but then sometimes songs come in to my head out of nowhere and then I have to sing them aloud..and if I do have the music with me..have to hear it full blast and then change the music or I shall be singing it all weekend. Well this weekend came Mr Adams in my head, in his typical husky voice and loud vocals. The only thing that could wipe him from my head was Pussy Cat Dolls..and I shall not go into that one..

This is typical Adams..loud, fast paced, straight from the heart, good lyrics perfectly balanced between being real and mushy!

When You Are Gone.

i've been wandering around the house all night
wondering what the hell to do
i'm trying to concentrate but all i can think of is you
well the phone don't ring cuz my friends ain't home
i'm tired of being all alone
got the tv on cuz the radio's playing songs that remind me of you

baby when you're gone - i realize i'm in love
the days go on and on - and the nights just seem so long
even food don't taste that good - drink ain't doing what it should
things just feel so wrong - baby when you're gone

i've been driving up and down these streets
trying to find somewhere to goya i'm lookin' for a familiar face but there's no one i know
this is torture - this is pain - it feels like i'm gonna go insane
i hope you're coming back real soon - cuz i don't know what to do

baby when you're gone - i realize i'm in love
the days go on and on - and the nights just seem so long
even food don't taste that good - drink ain't doing what it should
things just feel so wrong - baby when you're gone...

Bryan Adams
Album: On A Day Like Today.

Frog or Prince?

A close friend is getting married soon. She mentioned having what she insisted on calling 'thoughts' which I assumed were cold feet. Bearing in mind I have known her for a good number of years, I was not surprised to hear her thinking aloud. She expressed doubts and fears. The wedding is in 10 weeks time..and the plans are being made as we speak, or as I write...

Marrying someone is a BIG decision, but the person (who you are marrying) per se is the most important decision. And how would you ever know what and how it will be like in 20 years time for example. It, marriage, is almost like a gamble, you put all your hopes, expectations and as well as your heart as well in it and cross your fingers!!

I was asked some questions which I found intriguing..

1. How do I know if he is 'the one'?
2. How do I know we shall get along and not come to a parting of ways?
3. How can I for see what he will be like in 10 years time?
4. His parents sound nice but will they be like this always or is this for show?
5. Can I spend the rest of my life with this one person, knowing that there shall never be another?
6. What happens if I find someone much nicer and better in every possible way than the one I am marrying?
7. We do think alike, but there is only so much I know about him, what if we disagree?
8. Will he change after we get married?
9. What if he falls 'out of love' with me?
10. What if after a while I am not happy/ satisfied with him? What if I and what I need change?

I was unable to answer her questions. Some I think were basic questions which are common to all of us, but I think most answers we get as we get to know the person better. Life is not alwaya fair and you cant always get what you want, but you should atleast know what you want!
All I did say to her was, no one is perfect and you will find flaws in everyone, its up to you to see what is important to you and find it. Its never to late to walk before a wedding, but cutting it fine is not right, but then again marrying and splitting because you did not think it through is not right either. Figure out now will he be a frog and you dont mind that or will he be the Prince?