Saturday, September 29, 2007

Happy Burd-day

A long time ago when I was in school, primary school, birthdays were a big event. People used to be virtually dated and cajoled and basically buttered up before the upcoming birthday. In school the questions were about, Who will sit next to you?
Who will hold the packet of sweets as you give them out? Who will spend break time holding your hand and walking beside you like a shadow.
At some point of time the teacher would ask the birthday kid to come stand in the front of the class and have the rest of the class sing Happy Birthday loudly. Once the child has finished beaming benevolently at the rest of the class, it was allowed to walk around and hand over sweets to everyone in class who would wish the BDAY boy/girl again. If luck was in you were allowed to walk around the rest of the block and offer sweets to all the teachers.
The cringe worthiness of this whole thing gets better when you recall the fact that the Birthday kid did not need to wear a uniform for that one 'special' day. Thus I remember being horrified with visions in pink froth, cream satin dresses with ballerina shoes, a spider man and also someone who wore a bright yellow shirt with shiny black shorts - looked amazingly like a bumble bee.

Added to these ignominies was the Birthday party, which was to be 'your' day so the birthday boy/girl could do and say pretty much anything she or he wanted to. This leading to evil tendencies being revealed (kids can be pretty mean). The poor soul would need to wear a multi colour feather cap of conical shape. Have others wear glittery concial caps on their heads and have people singing Happy Burd-day too yoouuu very loudly and hoarsely till the cake got cut and stuffed into people's mouths to shut them up.
The food consisted of chola, bhaturas, something saccharine sweet like rasgullas or gulab jamuns, sandwiches, and loads of fizzy drinks. Plus of course the cake.
The gifts are part of any birthday deal and there would be all sorts, from paint boxes to geometry kits, pencil boxes, pen sets etc etc. Anything a 7-10 year old would want.

The one thing that needs recalling here are the expressions:
Birthday kid - goody two shoes, sulky, benevolent, cocky, delighted, greedy and satiated with cake and food, tired and grumpy at the end.
Pals - smiley, envious, wishful and scheming about what they would do on their special days
Parents - ecstatic, worried about being hosts, tired
Teachers - bored yet smiley, happy for a sugar fix but tired of singing the same song and making people feel special yet remind them of limitations of birthday advantages.

Birthdays were fun-ny. I recall attending many birthday parties as a child, and they all fit on the same pattern. It was the sighting of a conical multi coloured feathered cap that set of this reminiscence.

Monday, September 24, 2007


Think about things.
Wish upon a star.
Ask for things you want.
Look for things you like.
Hope for things to be good.
Fear not about things.
Cross no bridges till you see them.
Think no negative thoughts.
Block out people who get you low.
Stay around people who make you laugh.
Never look back.
Never wish ill.
Never say never.
Look below you be thankful.
Look above you and think.
Look in the mirror and see yourself.
Never underestimate. People, things and situations.
Dont make trivial things that are important.
Dont give importance to things that are trivial.
Never forget who you are.
And where you came from.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Joy at Heathrow

This is the one part of London I dont exactly love. A badly managed, badly planned airport. One of the busiest in the world and there is no where to sit.
Had to stand for 3 hours and wait for someone to turn up. Immigration is short staffed, baggage halls are over loaded and too many flights land at the same time. There are few meeting points and the joy of meeting a loved one is slightly clouded over by a big FAT CAT boot landing on your toes.

A well meaning cabbie recommended travelling via Birmingham, even if it meant flying to Amritsar first!! :D avoid heathrow say people. They have lost many bags, have security alerts by the tonne and all queues take atleast 3 hours to clear, whether you are coming or going. Sad it is!

Tuesday, September 11, 2007


My latest addiction
and also

WARNING: You will if you are any good at English get addicted..its a simple game like hangman or killer. Its better than Scrabble on you dont need anyone to play with..its you and and the clock..and it CAN waste a lot of time. I would not play at work..but try it.

Its good!

Sunday, September 09, 2007


Have been bouncing off the walls recently, hyper energetic, hyper active and getting happier by every passing day. I think good health is back and though the end of summer is a sad thing, I can smell the winter early in the morning, there is a chill in the air and the leaves are starting to turn colour on the edges.
Have been listening to Friction, a compilation by Bobby Friction on loud. I have never liked Bhangra as such...always thought England hypes it too much and most people think Indian music means Bhangra (pronounced Baan-graa in UK)...but this CD which belongs to the eclectic listener who I am married to, came out from under a stack I was cleaning. On full blast, I could hear it over the roar of the Rolls Royce engine which seems to reside in my vacuum cleaner. Loud beats thrumming through the walls, I gave a passing thought to my neighbours, but then again, who sleeps till noon on a Sunday and if they dont collect pension every month.
The days have passed and July staggered to an end and now August has crawled past. Finally its the month in which I can be happy. According to forecast this month shall be the 'most glorious yet'. Lets see. What I think about zodiac forecasts is a matter or debate..I tend to take on board all the good news and wave off the bad news as mumbo-jumbo.
So time is ticking and I am feeling happy!

Monday, September 03, 2007

The Hostage Marriage

Why do marriages disintegrate? Are we are divorce happy generation? I can bet you know of some one..friend / family who is divorced/ going through divorce/ thinking about splitting..or all of the above..don't we all. But why?
Having been brought up in a stable loving family I have never seen my parents argue. Well one of them does not talk back at any single point of time..which is probably why they are not arguing. I did not know that walking out of a marriage was an option. Seeing my parents I assumed they always got along. I am sure they did not..but I never knew marriages are NOT written in stone much later.

I often feel the problem arises when people hold the divorce option open..a teeny crack..a tiny space where you know..if push comes to shove you shall dash out. If push comes to shove. But then the idea and the word conjures up the divorce mention its name and its present, watching, scoring points, being looked at by both spouses as a presence amidst them, noting down every wrong word and action, just in case its needed later. The devil works on your fear and ego and inability to resolve issues. It gives you options..hold its hand and walk straight out to a happier, freer, more fulfilling life. No adjustments, no problems, peace of mind and no stresses related to being in a marriage.
Its as tempting an option in the middle or an argument as a cigarette is to a stressed out ex-smoker, chocolate to a woman on diet..same know its bad for you, but its tempting none the less. This unwelcome visitor exists by the virtue of being recalled as a solution. Once the door is opened to an exit from a have to try pretty hard to shut it.

What upsets me is the fact that people use this devil as a bargaining tool within the relationship. If you don't do this, I shall leave you, If you dont stop doing that I shall leave you etc etc...and every statement like that brings this creature further into the home. In a relationship other than marriage its not a problem, you know you can get out without needing lawyers and courts, in most cases. But marriage, is a different ball game. You get into it for life, to stay together, work out issues and be together till one of you dies. Its a togetherness till eternity kind of situation.

Yes there is always an exit to a marriage and nothing is written in stone. But would it not be easier to pretend it was written in stone? A last resort should be left as just that..a last resort, not a stop over when you need it. Not a practice run for better behavior, not a dagger over a precious relationship. Yes its tempting to run when things get hard...but holding a relationship hostage by the dint of it not being written in not right.
Some things are hard, but there are always solutions. Its up to individuals to look at the solutions and options to make things work rather than hold the creatures hands and walk away to the courts. Dont look at it, dont bring it in! The divorce devil should stay out. With the door firmly shut on its face!

Sunday, September 02, 2007


Is it necessarily a good thing to be experienced? Do we have better more fruitful lives thanks to all that we learn from existing on the planet. Yes, every passing birthday is a reminder of the years you have spent and of hopefully all the wisdom that you have gained. But is it all useful and good.
Are past experiences and learnings useful? Don't they sometimes inhibit one from doing what one wanted? Do they leave one slightly more cynical and maybe mistrusting?
It is sometimes about making mistakes and learning from them, but then is this not sometimes a sort of a paranoia mixed with a sense of dejavu which causes a passes sense of fear and then also mistrust? Experience taught you how to prevent hurt, and how to save and protect yourselves from people and situations. But did it not leave a bitter lasting after taste in your mouth, which comes out in the future?
Its is not possible not to come across troubles and situations as life moves. But what I am arguing is the past is sometimes a good teacher, and yes hind sight is the clearest of all and all that. But sometimes we have to un-learn what we have learnt, in order to be fair. It is not quite as bad a judging a book (person/situation) by its cover, more like saying..yes the cover revealed a bad book last time, but I shall try my luck at this one because it might be better.
In and ideal world its possible to take what you want away with you from an experience and let the negativity be left behind. But in the real world sometimes you carry that negativity as a talisman to save you in other such similar situations, should they occur in the future. It is not possible to get rid of experience and it is also not nice to become naive and innocent and trusting, and most times this switching back is not possible. Life moves in one direction only..forward. You can not halt it and often can not change what comes your way. Then it seems the only option is to store experiences in a backed up file in your mind and bring them out, only when really needed. Dont use them unless you are sure you want to go into the file, because it is like a Pandora's might get a solution but you will also get problems and hope.
I guess what I am trying to say here is, its good to be old and wise, but its not good to be wise in all situations. Sometimes adventure and a clean sheet for a new beginning will teach one new lessons. It is up to an individual to push away a nagging thought (specially if its negative) which arises out of experience and be optimistic and looking at something in a fresh manner.
Experience is over rated I think, its good to be smart, but it is not always good to have learned wisdom through tough situations. If you are smart enough to use what needs to be used from your experiences and shut away what you don't, you should be happy.