Wednesday, March 28, 2007


Unbidden thoughts walk in,
and pull a curve across my face.
Unknown dreams come to surface,
a bit of dread strikes.
Happiness is kept away,
from eyes of evil.
The Gods must not know,
that there are smiles here.

The last thought before sleep,
alludes and tickles like a feather.
The first face in the morning,
reminds me of the night.
The voice on the phone,
and the post conversation smile.
The promise in a new day,
of those hesistating smiles.

A burst of laughter on the train,
the baby chuckling in sleep.
The call of the morning birds,
the mist as it rises.
Early morning chills,
and the promise of the summer.
Daffodils in the vase,
by the window smile.

Friday, March 23, 2007


SIN - is objectively easily defined. Subjectivity however qualifies it differently depending on what you think of an action or thought!

I had the chance to meet someone, who was worried about the oldest sin of them all..Adultery!
Married for the past 17 years with 2 children, this lady had been constantly flirting at work with a colleague of ours. Harmless exchanges had recently developed into pretty strong innuendos..and I must admit I was not highly suprised to see the events that followed.

Lame excuses galore came out about how the marriage is breaking down, and how she really did not want to be with him to start with but was pregnant and all that. Much tears and sniffles later it emmerged that she was no longer in love with the husband!

But thats not what I am thinking about right now. The question is - is it sinful to betray some one you dont love or care about? Is it then ok to betray them and hope they have somehow figured out that you no longer love them anyways? Is it a sin to fancy someone else apart from your partner? Or is that ok if you dont take that liking any further? Is a half truth (or a white lie) forgivable?

And who is the person we are seeking forgiveness from? God? Or the person we have betrayed? And does that forgiveness really count or matter? In the long run?

Its a debate I have seen many people go through in this society full of 'easy come, easy go'. The books here...kind of confirm the distortion of thinking about this act. And I never know the right advice / answer to give. According to them I am harsh because of my bottom line - it IS sinful, end of! You commit to someone you stick with it, there are never any excuses allowed..because they are all, always lame! I told that to my friend...and a fresh burst of tears followed..making me feel very guilty.

I dont know!!

Friday, March 16, 2007

Freedom? Happiness and Space?

Been doing some A-Z thinking again..and i could not figure where this one was leading..

"It is by not always thinking of yourself, if you can manage it, that you might somehow be happy. Until you make room in your life for someone as important to you as yourself, you will always be searching and lost" Richard Bach, Spoken by Leslie Parrish, The Bridge Across Forever

Along this line of thought came Sigmund Freud and said.."Most people do not really want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened of responsibility."

However as fine lines go..there is a little space in between thinking about the other person and thinking for the other person. That little space is the only space you need in a relationship to keep your sanity I think. People I have read, and have spoken to argue vociferously for space...sometimes I am not sure if they are talking about the space to disagree or the space to not get involved. Not sure sometimes..

Thursday, March 15, 2007


Location: Pub near the Motorway to London
Time: Night, The stars are out and its cold
Occassion: Smoke break which lead to wise thoughts
Discovered: A hilarious definition of a cynic

CYNIC: An optimist who has been happy slapped by reality!!

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

And when they are wrong...

Owe them your life and your existence, owe them a lot for making you into who you are today. They always have your best interests at heart and would never do anything that would harm you or make you unhappy. Right?

You might agree..but ther are times when they know only so much and no more. Where your knowledge about something is better than theirs. Where you need advice but they are not the best people to give it. Our myth / belief/ faith that a parent will always know the right thing to do is shattered. But they are human too. So you need to go elsewhere to get advice..but thats ok.

But what do you do when they are wrong? Or you dont agree with them? When they suggest something that you really dont want to do. What do you do then? Argue with them? Convince them? Try and show them your point of view? What if they still dont agree. Worse they use their worst and most effective tool for applying pressure - Emotional Blackmail? What then?
Do you give up and give in and then do something you really dont agree with?

What if this has an impact on the rest of your life? What if it is a battle of wills? What if you know you shall be unhappy for a long time if you DO listen to them? Is it okay to doubt them and then not do as you have been told? You have listened and obeyed all your life but this once when you dont are put in a corner and told that you have been a disappointment. It might not feel too good.

I just wonder if there is a middle path with parents. There is bound to be a point when you dont agree with them, and cant convince them. They are bound to be wrong at some point. Where is the line between respect for them but the freedom and independence to do something else..without offending them and bringing along a whole course of tears and accusations and wails about 'useless children with no respect' and 'wasted time, energy and effort not to mention money' that has been ruined on this 'useless shameful' child.

Is there a middle path? Does reverse emotional blackmail then become a right choice?
I dont know!

Monday, March 12, 2007


The countdown is on. To move into a new space and new place. A new identity and a new family. Hmm!
The weekend was spent thinking about new possibilities and visualising new situations.
As my head swirled with thoughts, I thought about the typical 'cold feet' situation. I dont have cold feet. Its more a realisation of how important moving ahead is, trust is, love is. Building blocks of relationships have created a new world into which I plan to enter.
Willingly, happily.
Yet there remains trepidation of the future. But a long time ago someone I love, trust and respect said, 'There are no assurances in life'.
So here I go. One more weekend spent thinking.

Monday, March 05, 2007

Week day and end

A knock to awake, a chime in your ear,
Bleary eyes and stuck lashes.
Gravity defying hair,
created by Mr.P.I.Llow
Half asleep cup,
of tea too hot to drink.
Burnt toast and jam,
just about put in.
Run with the toast and,
hope not to miss the bus.
Stare into the distance,
reach work and start.
Waiting for the days to slip past,
to let the weekend begin.
Life on the fast track,
a long list of things to do.
People to meet and friends to ring,
things to buy and empty the bin.
Plans made for the following week,
with an eye on the weekend.
Shall catch up on sleep,
and watch that program I waited for.
Hope it will be dry and warm,
did not expect to see the rain.
Stayed in hoping,
the next one will be better then this.
Weekend life,
In the weekend style.
Things to do,
as the clocks walk by.


It came and went like it never were.
I was not intending to celebrate anyways. But I do miss the ability to...
The last time I did I was in school and since then (1995) it has not happened.
I dont miss the shoe polish in my hair or the silver paint on my nose and eyelashes.
I do miss the messing around and running for my life and hiding only long enough to catch my breath and I would be ambushed by someone else with colour!
As a child I hated the festival because I could never make out who is who. Also aat a 2 foot height most people would miss the bucket of water and by the dint of your height and the inability to look up and see whats going on I would get soaked by default and come out spluttering and gasping from a bukcet of cold coloured water!
Most Kashmiri's are not too keen to celebrate as it is too cold (or used to be) and its not really a Kashmiri tradition, but its part of the Hindu tradition of which we are part!
So happy Holi to those who played, and better luck next time to those who did not :)