Tuesday, January 31, 2006


I have been working on something very important. Lately I have been obsessed with this work to the extent that I feel I have been under house arrest. I came home from work on Friday and have only stepped out for about an hour or so since then. Today it felt a bit strange coming out of the house after being indoors for so long. Feels mighty strange. I think it is not a good idea to have internet at home. Laziness enhancement it is...very bad!! One must step out for a breath of fresh air and exercise everyday..I sound like the Queen now...bearing in mind it is freezing outside..you have to be crazy to want to be out at this time of the year. Global warming..not evident where I live.

Monday, January 30, 2006

Smarty Pants here..

Yes...someone introduced me to it...and I spent most of two hours doing it. I got addicted. Have entered the hall of fame. admittedly with a little bit of help from a friend who knew about ASCII chart ..I did not know there was something like that :D also could not remember Kurt Cobain's name.

completed all 28..

pit your brain powers against this one from IIM Indore


Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Laziness is directly proportional to Patience

I discovered this today when I stood and waited for a lift for a good 5 mins or more...patiently so, while other people huffed and puffed and took the stairs. I just relaxed and thought happy thoughts and waited for the lift to take me to the Third floor.
I can think of many such examples.. watching adverts on TV rather than getting up for the remote...etc etc but I dont want to carry on...too lazy!

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

I am not Morpheus after all

Took a personality test


Turns out I am Trinity
'You are Trinity, from "The Matrix." Strong, beautiful- you epitomize the ultimate heroine'


Test your personality type...see if there is an Oracle or a Neo hiding in you!!

Greedy!!! Again

yes..thats the only way to know you are human...you think....I just want that...that one thing..once I get that I shall be happy and thankful forever and ever.
And then you get it!! Halleluja..happiness happens..and lasts all of one day, till you set your sights on the next thing you want...is this ambition or greed I dont know.
When I look at it in a twisted way, I think...bottom lines...bottomlines..of what I want and where I want to get..and all these small things are steps...steps I take to get where I want to. But then what I want is SO very simple..that these steps seems far too complicated to bother with..and then all initiative to do anything gets lost.
Am I making sense?
Have you ever felt this way.....that once you get this one thing, you shall be happy and stress free forever, and then the next thing comes along. And when other people think and do the same thing..you think...what a greedy soul!!

Friday, January 20, 2006

Cheap thrills

Colleague of mine has a bad cold. She is one of those serious ones, I-dont-make-mistakes, nothing-is-funny, this-is-a-tiring-job, I-am-an-important-person-and-have-no-time-to-smile-or-chat type. She could hear very little this morning as her ears were blocked.
At lunch time, a friend and I decided to mime animatedly (without the sound of course) while she was around..she really panicked. She thought she could hear a bit, but when she thought she has gone completely deaf because she could not hear me (I admit I have a loud voice) - she panicked. The look of surprise on our faces and the resulting increase in our silent animatedness made her get a phone and dial 999...it was then that I could not hold the sound of my giggles in. She is NOT happy..ofcourse!!

Thursday, January 19, 2006

When anger strikes

I am not the easily buggable variety. If you push it, you can irritate me..but get me mad and angry does not happen that easily. And I dont shout, or I think I dont shout. No I dont believe in raising my voice...so here is a question for you..
How is it, that when you REALLY REALLY care about someone..the worst of your temper comes out? Is it because you are worried about them and so the concern comes out as a bit of hyperness? Or is it because you are scared they will not listen and therefore harm themselves even more..and so you shout to be heard. I dont know what it is...but I get angry with the people I love..and that can NOT be right? right?
I dont think I am alone in this I-only-get-angry-at-people-i-love-syndrome..am i?

Monday, January 16, 2006


I am back,
to the rain and the cold,
to the computer and the thesis,
to the house with the empty fridge,
to the endless bills and letters,
to the friends and family I have here,
to the life I miss when I have a life in India.
to the people I miss when I am in India.
to the one person who matters a lot,
to the one piece of Microsoft word that runs my life,
to the room with the dreamcatcher and photographs,
to this land where I have built a strange crazy life for myself.
Missing India..? No not yet
Missing home..? Just a bit
Missing my dog..? YES!!!

Friday, January 13, 2006


I am satisfied with what I have, where I am and what I do.
I dont want anything more. Seriously. Nothing. I am ok with my current salary, current job, relationships with friends and family. I dont want to meet more people, change jobs and climb the next rung. Whatever that is.
I am ok with how my life is and when asked where I see myself 5 years from now (typical interview type question) I dont know what to say. Will saying...I see myself right here, doing exactly this...be wrong?
Is ambition a desirable skill/ quality or a neccesary eligibilty criteria to be happy/ successful?
Is not wanting the best car and the biggest house and travelling the world, a 'jet set' life - wrong?
Is it ok to want only small pleasures of being able to talk and spending time at home?

I am ambitious about what I want to do with my work in Kashmir..but that ambition is more like hope. I hope I can improve someone's life by transferring my skills. I hope I can help someone read, write and make some money. But the am I differentiating between 'corporate ambition' and 'grass roots change the planet you live on dream'. Is there a difference?

Or is ambition solely based on how much I shall need to ignore my family and personal life to get ahead and get what I want?

Current book

Being the book worm that I am, I always have a book that I am reading..apart from the PhD related stuff. I just finished Cecelia Ahern's book - Where Rainbows End, which is about best friends who take 40 years to realise they are soul mates. Very well written, but this blog is about an Indian author's book.
Chetan Bhagat's second novel came highly recommended by a close friend. One Night @ the Call Centre is an interesting book about the life of the Indian youth who work in BPOs or Call Centres. Well written and interestingly drawn out characters makes it a must read for any Indian who can read and understand English. The book was written by Chetan because he met a girl in a train who told him IIT and IIM graduates dont make a majority of the youth in India and he should look around a bit more and write a book about the Indian youth. The story twists when God calls at the call centre. Its an unusual story written in usual English. Very good read. I am maha impressed with it. Check it out, its available on Amazon.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Of automatic locks and other such like

Right..mum's gone all security conscious and has put automatic locks on all doors in the house. As a back up, being smart as she is, she has given copies of the keys to the kind neighbours. You know whats coming..read on..
I go take the dog for a walk. Come home and shut (latch) the main metal door and also the wooden door to the house..this has an auto lock which I disable as I dont like automatic locks. So I come in, its bright and sunny outside and so I walk to the balcony and sit with the dog in the sun. Mild wind..shuts the wooden door..auto lock clicks and I am well and truly locked out. because of the manual lock on the main doors..no keys (with the neighbours!!) can get me out. So options..sit and wait till someone realises I am not in the house or on the mobile. Shout till some one hears me. Or..use muscle power..which I have developed from compulsive shopping, hence bag lifting in UK.
So I try to kick the door. Nope.
So I try to open the window which shall let me reach the lock from inside. Nope.
Break window pane. Cut hand. Unscrew the jaali work and pull it apart so I can reach the lock. Cut hand. again. Big bruise coming up as I write.
Meanwhile neighbour..Kashmiri woman..smart lady..unscrews the main door and gets a pair of kitchen tongs to unhinge the manual lock. We succed at the same time. I reach the lock with my cut hands...she unlocks the main door and walks in.
Much excitement in what would be a normal sleepy day!!
Is it me..or do weird things happen to everyone? I take the dog out several times in a day and nothing happens. Being locked on the 4th floor of a house..is not fun. Add to it a dog who was an opera singer in a previous life, and still practices inside the body of a dog. Loads of noise..banging and howling to a crescendo and we are out. I am back. In the house!
And I shall hope to live happily ever after.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Twin Spirits

Meet someone who thinks the same way and talks and behaves the same way as some one else you know. The two have never met, you care the same way about both of them and love them the same way. They also seem to have the same negative bits that bug you. The same thought and worrying process that irritates you. Yet you love them. You know they care the most about you. You know you will love them the most. You know you miss them when they are not around. I have spent half my life with one and plan to spend the rest of it with the other! Blessed to have found two precious twin spirits, guardian angels, loved ones in one life!

Tuesday, January 10, 2006


Begins. The time left to go back to my other life in UK begins.
As with every journey, I have, on popular demand and some nagging, checked my dates and time of travel. Though I have them memorised. I am also being asked to start getting my things together, because they are lying all over the house. I am being told I create a BIG nuisance of myself when and if I forget my things at home. So please..put things in one place. I will, I will, later...its only tuesday and I am leaving on Sunday...plenty of time.
As usual, the shopping list is out...what else is needed? The contact lenses, the medicines - which I must take, the coconut hair oil, the kuda as I call it..Imli, Gajjak, Revari, Ram Ladoos, heeng goli, zeera goli, supaari..etc etc..technically edible but not food category. So thats done. Also have to buy some things people have asked for. Anything else? yes..books I must buy. Some photographs of people I want on my wall.
The time will come when as I leave, there shall be tears..as usual. I think its a mum thing..no matter how often I come, everytime I go there are tears! I dont know what to say about it. I dont like to see people cry..specially when I seem to be the reason behind the tears. As usual there will be a passport, ticket check, which is endearing when taken in the right mood. All the bye phone calls will come through on my way to the airport. hmmm!!!
Holidays nearly over. Perhaps I shall go and start putting my 'things in one place'!!

Changing Planets

Time to be back to the grind. back in my town, my house, my room. In my other life. Its feels like I am on a different planet everytime I am in India, the life in UK seems very far away and faint. Once I am there, India seems far away.
In discussions with parents I was told, life abroad is tougher and more stressful than here. And that is a debate I can have till eternity. The pressure is now on to chose the location of my life. As if a decision now shall stick for the rest of my life. Much as I love being home and with my family, I do also love my life in UK, my space, my choices...its good. I like both my planets, and as long as I am able to flit between both I should be fine. Why does one have to make such decisions, only once. If you chose to live abroad, does it mean you cant come home for good? or vice versa? If you chose to work in India, cant you go and live later in Seychelles...or anywhere else on the planet?
Why do we make simple temporary decisions, life changing, important ones? And then tress about them?
I think it is more important that I am with people I love and care about than where I am. I shall follow my heart, the mind shall follow.
As of now I am happy. Shall see what happens next in this ever changing..crazy life of mine!

Monday, January 09, 2006

Of meetings and eatings

So, I met one of my closest friends for a night of talking, catching up, drinking and eating. At this age, we discussed current problems in life and then of course flashed back to the good old LSR days when we used to bunk Political Science classes! As usual we had loads to drink and eat as we chatted into the wee hours of the morning.
I was to meet some one important to my future the next morning, a complete stranger. And someone not from my generation!
The thing about meeting strangers is, they will judge you. And you know they will. You dont know what conclusion they will come to, though what you do know is, what you would want them to think.
I fretted at night. Thought of all the possible questions I could face, and what version of me should I be..the Nice one- yes sir, no sir, three bags full sir. The bold one - I have opinions and if you ask me, be willing to hear me out. The Diplomatic one - sure, I see your point there, and I dont quite know yet what to think about that. The Shy one - I dont have a tongue in my mouth, and there is a bit of butter in my mouth that is not melting.
Lots of versions of me I have, but the one that bounces to the surface, when meeting strangers is the quiet one, just a bit shy, but just dont know what to say type. I dont want to talk unless you ask me a question. In which case the word that jumps out is 'SNOB'.
This is more to do with the fact that if I do start talking, I turn into a chatterbox! Which is really me..talk talk talk! All day and all night. In another life, I would want to be a RJ!!
So after much thinking I fell asleep. Eventually.
The meeting never happened!!!!
And I am happy about that, coz I had not decided which me I wanted to be. So... phew!!!!

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Delhi Rules..

Went shopping...again? Yes!
Was out and about Delhi in the fog with the smells of pollution, freshly roasted ground nuts in the air and the dust from the sweeping of dead leaves on the streets.
Traffic lights dont have beggars anymore..New Delhi Municipal Corporation (NDMC) has banned them.
In the main market in Sarojini Nagar, hawkers were invisible..NDMC banned them.
Went fruit shopping...for those who are raising an eyebrow here...I do eat fruits..sometimes...with a gun to my head...but I do eat them...
So...the fruits are sold on push carts in Delhi....now these have been banned by NDMC again. So vendors with pushcarts are visible at the corner of a road...from where they run with their wares in the sight of an NDMC truck!
I was buying some small berries (ber) from a woman with a basket, when the NDMC struck...they swooped in an took her basket full of berries away. Hmmmm!! The poor woman was furious..because the NDMC apparently..do this on a regular basis..pay them 150Rs and they shall give your basket back. She was angry and upset..money given would help today but not for the rest of the month.
The thing about living in India is...life is so harsh and straight..it makes you wince..but then emotions and affections are so strong it makes you warm, and people are so straight forward at times...you wonder why you ever left!


Thinking about the present..and dreaming about the future..
I am sometimes afraid of my dreams...they are simple ones.
Because I see what I want with such clarity, it makes me yearn for them to come true...QUICK. I know what I want, but, the problem is that knowing is not enough. There are things which are not in my control. And I can do nothing about it. Nothing at all!!
The other reason for being afraid is...what if they come true...and then go wrong.
What if they come true...and then I shall have to dream about something else?

But like Thoreau says
"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams, live the life you imagined"

Well Mr.T, I plan to do exactly that!

Sunday, January 01, 2006

This is the home.

My house in India has become like a hotel, or maybe I have become an angrez. Dont know about you...but the bells in the house ring an average of 2 times per hour. I am counting phone, mobile phone and the door bell.
here is a short list of who all 'rang' between 7.30 am and now...5.30pm
1. the maid to wash the dishes
2. the maalish waali
3. the milk man
4. the newspaper man
5. the boy who gets flowers for the puja
6. the chemist with ma's medicines
7. the butcher with meat
8. the neighbour who's fridge is not working
9. the gardener
10. the maid's friend
11. the Kashmiri neighbour who speaks no english or hindi but is alone
12. the man who washes the car
13. the neighbour who's dustbin was upturned by a stray dog
14. innnumerable friends called to say Happy New Year
15. aunt called to chat
16. school friends called to chat
17. college friends called to chat
18. Internet connection (cable waala) called to say he needs to check something
19. another aunt called to chat
20. cousin called to chat
21. uncle called to chat
22. neighbour's son called to ask if his folks were ok
23. neighbour's son called to say he has left his jammu tickets behind in his house here
24. ma's colleagues from work called to say HNY
25. friend called to chat
26. sister called to find out what's happening.
27. the maid called to say she is not coming till end of Jan

and now I have to go because there goes the doorbell..again!!!
It does feel strange after the silence I have got used to in England