Too young you say?

We recently lost a friend. A young friend.
A friend who we had seen a lot of, with his young wife and baby.
With who we cooked, chatted, ate and celebrated.
Life moved us to separate ends of the country, yet we remembered the good times.
As a similar age couple, you see yourself in others your own age, at the same place in life in terms of work, finances, family commitments and the never ending promise of and eternity to do all that we want to by 40. It is almost like we have bought a stake in our futures and shall work towards it. Life is good and shall continue to be so, atleast for a while.
Delusional.

A very early morning phone call to say he has passed, came as a surprise. Which turned to shock and disbelief. And now its grief, not just at our loss, but at the loss to this family and his young child who does not understand the idea of 'never', 'ever' and 'forever'. It has been heartbreaking.

None of us, at least all of us under 40 or even 50/60 perhaps dont think about death.
A few weeks ago, I walked past a woman in the shop who was selling legal aid for making a Will and I smiled, shook my head and walked past. Not me! I thought..are oyu crazy, I am too young, thanks, but no thanks. I dont have anything to put in a will and I also think I am too young to contemplate death.

Youth and death seem not to be friends.
But then I make a mistake,
Death is no ones friend.

Cancer - The Thief

Last year I lost a very dear member of my family to this awful disease. It took time to get over it yet I missed him. He was stolen by cancer. I missed him when I returned to India, and I missed him at my wedding, I wish...there was a lot I wished at that time, and I still do.

Today the thief is back, in another part of another body of yet another family member. She is battling it in surgery today and it does not look good right now. A lot of placating techonlogical jargon has been given, all the stuff about 'technology and new century and best surgeons' has been spoken. People donate to the Cancer Research Fund and Charities..and have been for a long time..has the technology changed and evolved..? Should I believe that? I did, last year, but did it work. Na. And right now, I just dont know. Dont know what to think or believe.

I do not know because I heard these words not so long ago. About the strength of the spirit, and the support that family gives, and the pray and it will work, the trust in God..loads of things were said. None worked.

So where do I stand? Between beleiving in God and the brilliance of Doctors.

The two people I am talking about..were/are the most highly spirited people in the family. The dynamic ones, the ones who made you laugh, made you think, made you crib and made you realise that they are tough nuts to crack. And guess who they met..Cancer.

I do not know if I should give praying another shot. I do not know if crossing my fingers and hoping for the best will work. Is there any point I wonder...this disease seems to win most battles it gets into eventually. Should I block it out of my head, is it possible? Should I try not to worry. Should I take one step at a time, should I wait and see..is there any point?

Am not making much sense to myself right now. Its deeply upsetting, unsettling and depressing, frustrating even..to have a problem and know it is not solvable, not in your control, and there is nothing I can do to change that.

Past Life...

Being a practicing Hindu...I do believe in past lives, future of good deeds, and the progress of the soul, as it moved between the two. I am not obsessive about it, yet I do recognize it and understand it, to some extent, thanks to long lectures and discussions over many years with my grandfather...They were interesting times..spent exploring, thinking, analyzing and discussing the why, wherefores and at the end of the day 'how do YOU know?' type of questions..I do not dwell much on those discussions today...

BUT...

This is what facebook says I was in my previous life..
Result Quiz
Who Were You In a Past Life?
Your Quiz Result
I was Nikola Tesla in my past life!
The result says,

'Of all of your past lives, old Eccentric was your most prominent. If your dreams are ever filled with faint visions of quiet studying, electrical charges, tesla coils, earthquakes, gadgets, weird diagrams, chalkboards full of plans, and women who loved you like an artist, these are glimpses into a world once occupied by your 'vessel'. Cherish your past life and invigorate your current one knowing that you embody greatness in all that you do'.

Interesting..bearing in mind I do not feel great at this point of time, as I struggle to edit yet another draft of my PhD thesis!!