15th August

What is the whole point of India celebrating independence day in today's time and age?
Quite a few of us dont know what it was like to not be free. That does not mean that we do not value our freedom or belittle in any way possible the efforts made by the freedom fighters to win back our freedom. It just means its somewhere far in our past, a memory of a rule which ended and we started again as a free nation..so, its been many years and its time to look forward and stop celebrating and looking back.

BACK here being the important word. We took back what we had/ we had a right to and was ours. Yes we were ruled by foreign nations and people for many years..and thus on 15 Aug 1947 we won back what we seem to have lost/ given up for many years. So is it still worth celebrating? Did we not just get back what was ours and will remain so indefinitely?

I think celebrating independence day and remembering our past by looking all the way back to 1947 is somewhat akin to celebrating a divorce, which can be seen as the demise of an unhappy relationship. The Brits and India did not have a good equation and parting of ways was finalized, with arguments, discussions and finally mutual consent..so why keep going back to celebrate it? There is something not quite right with celebrating the end of a painful era. Year after year, after year. 30 years since we divorced/gained independence, 40 years, 50 years...why is it a milestone? (and i am not even going far far back to comparing other milestones in our 1000s of years of history which might be more conducive or compatible with a 'celebratory mode').

The other thing also being the partition of India which has the same birthday. Yet another painful memory, yet another unhappy event. So why remember it with joy and pride which seem to be the mood ordered for 15th August. I can fully understand Pakistan celebrating 14th August as the day of its creation..fair enough. But do we as Indians need to do so? really?

We should place the day into a respectful category and move on and completely stop remembering with pride the day our rulers left us. Does it not have slavish undercurrents? remembering the hated ruler/ owner/ master we once had and not letting time diminish or end the memory of a negative past?

The Simple Life

Have been sitting and wishing life was simple. That my list of to-do's, should-do's, must-do's and this-should-have-been-done-yesterday did not exist.

Memories of sitting in the shade, near the wire mesh windows, hearing the buzzing of insects of all sorts outside the window near the Leechee tree, eating mangoes come to mind. I used to sit staring out into the sun, watching the small shifting shadows created by the breeze. Living in a never ending summer vacation where cold coffee mornings were followed by endless play through self entertaining mind games. I could read my Enid Blytons (and not worry about political correctness), read Indrajaal and Chacha Chaudhary and a whole long list of Amar Chitra Kathas. I could sit and chat with the grandfather who would tell me long stories about his life from 1910 onwards..

I could sleep when I wanted and not worry about anything, nothing. School was a distant memory. I did not know of plans for visiting or traveling, just went where I was taken. I would ride my bicycle aimlessly, feeling the breeze on my face. The brother and I would line up his dinky cars in a long queue across the room. We would take buckets of water and play in the kitchen garden, making ladoos out of mud, checking the carrot leaves to guess it was ready to the pulled. Summer afternoons of hazy lazing, with the sound of the ceiling fan whirring away. The occasional sound of the kabadi waala's call, the koyal and the mynah birds.
There were few things that I wanted..and those were also temporary thoughts, that would slide in and out of my mind. My mind was not empty..just not worried about anything. It was a random quiet space, which brought contentment and smiles..

No thoughts..no worries..nothing.

No thinking about..
~ books to read, buy, catch up on
~ work pressure
~ income, budgets and planning
~ tickets for travel
~ weight loss
~ bank statements and incoming post that needs filing
~ membership renewals and tax payments
~ visitors and their dates and times
~ doctors appointments
~ clothes and shoe buying
~ car and house buying
~ grouting issues in the bathroom
~ bills for various services
~ cooking or shopping for food etc

...it IS an endless list..but stop I dont wish to complain. My mind is full of reminiscences of simplicity of the past.

Of mangoes to be eaten, insects to seen, leaves and flowers to be looked at, birds to be observed, hours of sleep to be slept and pleasant nothingness..which left me smiling constantly. It was the simple life.

Explaining being Kashmiri

Hmm..its a hard one this.
Once I have got over the you must be from the 'North' and therefore a Punjabi discussion.

No I am not, indeed I am Kashmiri - the northern most of Northern states.
Conversation moves swiftly on to - Hindu or Muslim?
I do sometimes wonder if I responded by saying BOTH, where the flowchart of questions would go.

Hindu - Go to Q 4 - do your parents still live there?
Tempting answer - do you not read the newspapers?

This moves to Q 6 - How come your roots lie in Lahore? Well..a lot many Indians moved from there in 1947..my grandparents were one of those many. (Tempting question do you not read?Newspapers perhaps?)

Do you speak Kashmiri? No, but I can say things you would not want to hear. And yes I shall get what you say in Kashmiri next!

Do you have family in Kashmir? The answer being no, but yes I have friends over there.

So do you want to go back? Bearing in mind I did not live there going back is a strange question, right?

Yes I am Kashmiri by birth..but the roots to the place have been lost, replaced, revisited and they seem to be fading.

However what worries me is the fact that few of us, want to go back or even want to think about it.

Ma-isms (Mother-isms)

Things I have heard my mother say, over the years, repeatedly, which I have over a period of time realised were not exclusive to my mother..hence the list. I dont tag, but feel free to add onto this list:

1. Listen to me, I know
2. I know because I am older (thereby wiser)
3. I only want the best for you
4. In doing/ listening/ obeying me, you shall save yourself a lot of misery
5. If you listen to me you wont suffer
6. I dont understand these new fangled ideas
7. By the time I was your age, I had been married for 6 years and had 3 children
8. You never listen to me anyway, so why are you asking for advice?
9. You think you know it all, you don't
10.There is no harm in listening to advice once in a while
11.No matter what you say, somethings will not change
12.There is a time and place for everything, you have to deal with it
13.Friends are good, but not always, maintain distance
14.My hair has not turned grey in the sun (they denote wisdom of the years)
15.Someday you shall have a child of your own and then you will understand my pain
16.For your wedding I shall do as I please, you can have your way at your child's wedding
17.There are some rules, which need to be followed, not questioned
18.A boy never has anything to lose (as opposed to a girl aka me)
19.No one wants a girl who airs her opinions freely, all the time
20.Learn to sit still
21.Dont listen to me, but then dont come crying back to me either
22.We shall think/ see about that later (means NO!)
23.You think I know nothing
24.I can see inside your head and heart
25.You can never lie to me, and get away with it
26.I always want what is best for you, you might not always see it, but I can
27.Why cant you just listen without arguing
28.There is no point in my saying anything to you, you think you know it all
29.Men expect certain things in a marriage, no matter which century we live in
30.Space is good, take it, dont explain it, never argue over it
31.The man in your life, does not need to know everything, always
32.Traditions have no reasons, they just are, made to be followed
33.I shall call you by your married name, like it or not (changed or not)
34.For me, you shall always be a child
35.Please behave your age
36.The later you leave it, the harder it will be (have children now)
37.You young people/ generation your minds are in the skies
38.I always wish you happiness, but you seem to not want happiness
39.You overreact to things, calm down, grow up
40.Tch, I am not going to say anything (followed by a 40min monologue)

Of distant thoughts, time and other such like

The mind has a mind of its own, time passes like a silent visitor late at night, not making a sound, but striking the realisation bell that something has brushed past and gone. It will not stay even is asked.

There is sound, rustling at the back..of someone smiling and then gradually laughing silently. There are voices that can be heard whispering and nodding in agreement.

And then there is the loud noise of heartbeats, thudding inside. The assurance that something is alive inside and perhaps trying to get out by being persistent. It perseveres despite being ignored.

Attempt at silencing all thoughts, all feelings and trying to stop time does not work. Time afterall measures all that has gone and forecasts all that will come. Like a log, of what happens, each moment, each day..for the rest of life and even after. Its the only constant.

Thought Variation

Too many thoughts went through my mind as usual while I was in India. These start here in a random chain-
- There are way too many men in Delhi..you hardly see women. I saw fat men, thin men, men with beards, men on bikes, men in cars, men in buses, men on carts, bald men, long haired men, men with combs in their back pockets, men with one long finger nail, men picking their noses, men itching and scratching, men peeing on walls, men spitting on roads, men hanging out of buses, men crossing roads, men in auto rickshaws, men selling stuff, men driving buses, men filling fuel. There were just too many men. I rarely saw women, next time you are in Delhi...keep a 10 min track and see how many women you can spot. Sex ratio in Delhi seems to be twisted.
- Malls seem to be competing for space and attention with fly overs. Delhi was previously a city under construction, fly overs were being made everywhere. Now malls are being made everywhere. I must say flyovers do make life easy - they could improve sign posting to prevent people backing up on one way, high speed lanes. Good roads mean more space to speed and I am not sure if its a good thing. Recently lost a lovely 21 year old girl I knew to a high speed car crash in Delhi - speeds are high!!! Lane driving in something people laugh at, drunk driving is cool, people protest but I did not notice anything being done.
- Malls seem to be full all the time. Gone are the days when one would shop before a festival..now people just shop. Which is great, there is never a dull moment in malls. People demand better products and the products appear - well designed, well presented, well priced, often badly packaged..but hey I aint complaining. Products fly off the shelves as does the food. Everywhere I turned I saw people eating - chat, samosa, chicken tikka, chola bhatura, pakoras, momos, chowmein, kala khatta, dosa, idli, pizza, vada, lasagna, pasta, ice cream, kulfi, freshly washed and sliced coconuts..its eat time. I must say though I did not see any FAT people.
- The consumer spending is amazingly high. Little surprise thus happened when I tentatively mentioned the American economy sliding and the British one just about hanging on..and what this will translate to in India. I was told to shut up and stop being a negative NRI and see how 'strong and robust' the Indian economy is and how it can 'live through anything'. So I did shut up. What pray do I know about economics, except that I read the warnings issued by the Reserve Bank of India in the Economic Times and other newspapers, and was foolish enough to believe it. I was also told to think about the 'media' that likes to scare people and thus not believe what I read.
- The magnolia trees in bloom in India made me smile. There were lavender colour trees as well. Also seen were bright red flowers in tall trees with no leaves. Spring had sprung in Delhi with daisies and pansies and lilies and jasmine and roses out in full bloom. The trees were green, though a bit dusty. It looked pretty and welcoming. However I did not see as many Gulmohar trees as I seem to remember seeing as a child. Where have all the Gulmohars gone?
- My travels included Delhi & Jammu only. Delhi was crazy with the number of people I was supposed to meet competing with the people who I wanted to meet who were competing with people I was told to meet, which all clashed with the shopping I wanted to do, shopping I needed to do and shopping I was told to do, which clashes with my standard must-go-to list of Delhi - Dilli Haat, Baba Kharak Singh Marg, walk the entire inner circle of CP, walk along Janpath to Cottage, GK 1 M Block Market & Hauz Khas village. I must say I managed to do everything...but could not get to spend enough time everywhere.
- I was fed, watered and welcomed home as usual. New member in the house is yet another Black cocker spaniel called Scooby who deserved a post of his own. Let me just say a name like Lucifer would suit him well. I spend much time playing with him and getting affectionate licks every 3 mins. I am told I am being missed by him, he sleeps by the door till 3 am these days..waiting for me. {Awwwww!!}
- At my in-laws home I was fed to within an inch of my life. I slept till 10 am each day and also a bit in the afternoon. I woke up to the morning breeze with undercurrents of rose. Roses that grow in the garden outside the window and are carried by the cool air through the open windows. I heard bird song each morning..it was quiet, idyllic and relaxing. Spent most of my time in Jammu talking..non stop. It was good fun.
- Met old relatives and great aunts of the husband. Which was nice yet strange, good job my little 5 yr old nephew was not there or he would have asked his standard question for old people,"Where do you keep your teeth?"
- Jammu is a nice place for a short break..nothing to do. Eat + Sleep. It also has amazingly small tiny alley ways and lanes which sell everything from Amartya Sen's books to Indian Kitsch! Glitzy clothes and garlands made of a notes..real notes, which I had always seen on TV but never up close..so in Jammu I went and felt this garland to see if it was made of actual currency..seems like it does. I now know how to mortify my brother (who is a total city slicker) when he gets married!! Jammu also enticed me with its river side palace which has a superbly located restaurant- service was poor but the location was good. I also saw the old secretariat which burnt down..lovely..amazingly beautiful building. [Shall post pictures soon I am assuming]
- I know no one in Jammu apart from my inlaws + my mobile phone does not work there..which means I got no phone calls and I had to meet / speak to no-one I knew :) I do not pick the home phone as I am new to the house, same reason why I dont answer the door bell...it was peaceful!
- Met cousins and friends..which is always good and comforting. Good to catch up specially since time was precious. As it always is in a short break. Managed to talk a lot, hence sleep was evaded. I now need a vacation to recover from this one on India.

Commandments

Think about things.
Wish upon a star.
Ask for things you want.
Look for things you like.
Hope for things to be good.
Fear not about things.
Cross no bridges till you see them.
Think no negative thoughts.
Block out people who get you low.
Stay around people who make you laugh.
Never look back.
Never wish ill.
Never say never.
Look below you be thankful.
Look above you and think.
Look in the mirror and see yourself.
Never underestimate. People, things and situations.
Dont make trivial things that are important.
Dont give importance to things that are trivial.
Never forget who you are.
And where you came from.