Monday, July 30, 2007

A special memory

One that I shall never forget. This song seems to be etched inside my head, along with visions, smells and thoughts..precious..

And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

Goo Goo Dolls - Iris

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Why me?

I often wonder if it is something about me, or maybe its just tattooed in invisible to me ink on my forehead, but I seem to be someone people come up to and tell me all about my problems. I don't get the why!
Apart from my internal personality traits, which I do not really wonder about, I sometime worry about people worrying. Why does absolutely no one have a problem free life. One meets perfectly happy people, and just as the coffee gets cool enough to sip - WHAM! Out comes what is bothering them and then I have to listen to the sometimes fascinating tales of how people think life sucks!
Not being an optimist currently I wonder why so many people have so many problems. Is it because our lives have become more complex? Surely not. Is it because we have too much time and energy to sit and analyze and over analyze situations and people, perhaps. Or is because we are now in a more communicative society, which permits information (read problem) sharing and also allows for discussions. Maybe all of the above.
But what I mostly hear about is relationship problems, bossy boss problems, not enough pay problems, in-law problems. All of which are known to be problems in generations before us. But I also hear about credit card problems, not finding yellow shoes to match problems, hair been dyed the wrong shade of auburn problems, the sun is not warm enough problems, strawberries rot in the fridge to soon problems, child does not speak problems.
But a majority of things that I do hear are about problems with what 'might' happen. It might be called anxiety, but the way I hear about them, it gives anxiety a whole new meaning! This is about stressed out people, who cant think of a way out and cant believe that sleeping over it can ever be a solution!
The point of this rant being, yes there is nothing such as a problem free life. Yes there is something to be said about living for today and being happy. But the amount of negativity I see coming out of people, whether it is about really horrible problems that have changed their lives, or something as small as the nail salon not being open on amazing. People seem to be unbelievable negative about just about everything! Are we a generation of moaners? Whining all the time?
Just saw on the BBC news tonight an old couple combined ages of 165, have just had their house flooded (weather has been S**T for the past 3 months in UK), everything is wrecked, useful things, expensive things, so many years of memories, and all they said on TV was, 'We have seen worse, I am sure we can get over and around this. It is a mess, but there is no point worrying about what has already happened and cant be undone'
Maybe there is something to learn, alternatively I could just stop moaning about people moaning to me :)

Saturday, July 28, 2007

So Far Away - David Gilmour

The song in my head this weekend...

What am I suspended here?
Should I kid myself that I have no fear?
I get no choice, I just have to wait
It may already be too late
I don't know what's going on
She is here, but I am gone
I am gone

My love is lying here
She's far away though she looks so near
"Time will tell" she says to me
When a warm coat is all I need
Her peace of mind, her strentgh of will
It will come she's sure it will
And how can I put my mind at rest?
I feel I'm coming up second best

And I'm caught with my own life
Is this a dream, or is it real life?
Oooh sleep, come on me soon
I can't bear this lonely room
Look at that hand lying there
The room is dark she shows no fear
I'm lying still, my eyes are wide
My heart is pumping, I'm still alive
I'm still awake against my will
What will it ever take
To still this burning in me?

And I'm caught with my own life
Is this a dream, or is it real life?
Ooooh, sleep, come on me soon
I can't bear this lonely room
Sleep, come on me soon
I can't bear this lonely room
Sleep, don't take too long
Can't keep singing this lonely song

Friday, July 27, 2007

Harry Potter - 2

So it took me long to read this one, getting it in the middle of a busy week did not help. But the fact that I had to sit and relish every single page, meant I could enjoy this last offering of Ms JKR for longer.
Well it is good, a bit depressing and complicated in the middle, but a good end to a lovely series, in fact I think I now may back track into my collection and slowly read them all backwards till Harry become 11 again.
Its been an interesting ride, very well developed characters, unique though possible and a really good way of making it all sound possible with the Muggles and Portkeys, and befuddling charms, it makes me think sometimes when I see a stray can of coke lying somewhere and when the British trains seem to collapse for no apparent reason, that maybe, just maybe Harry is fighting Lord V.
I thoroughly enjoyed all the Harry Potters but really the interest began to pick up with the Prisoner of Azkaban, and then worked its way up. The films I have not really seen all, but as usual most films do not really do justice to the depth of the book.
If you have no clue what I am talking about..come back to Planet Earth!! and if you have not got the Deathly Hallows yet, buy it, rent it, copy it...hide in a corner and read it. Quick! Its good!

Thursday, July 26, 2007


I don't know why I am thinking about this book by Gregory David Roberts, I really liked reading it, but that was a long time ago. I am thinking about ideas from it, don't know why, perhaps it is because I just saw some one on the London underground reading it, perhaps it is because I suddenly have sunk into a whole swamp of myriad are some quotes, quotes that keep coming back to me..

"A dream is a place where a wish and a fear meet. When the wish and fear are exactly the same, we call the dream a nightmare."

"...and sometimes my friend, the love that I have, and can't give to you, crushes the breath from my chest. Sometimes, even now, my heart is drowning in a sorrow that has no stars without you, and no laughter, and no sleep."

"Men reveal what they think when they look away, and what they feel when they hesitate. With women, it’s the other way around."

"Luck is what happens to you when fate gets tired of waiting."

"Sometimes we love with nothing more than hope. Sometimes we cry with everything except tears. In the end that's all there is: love and its duty, sorrow and its truth. In the end that's all we have - to hold on tight until the dawn."

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Culture Shock Walk

A friend felt like going for a walk in a nation where cars rule and you do not have the option of walking anywhere! He decided not to drive and instead walked the 15 min route back home. A police car stops over, police man walks out and asks him to make his hands visible and then questions him about what he is doing, where he is going, and WHY he is walking. It took a while to convince the cop about the simple desire to walk home. Once convinced that my friend has not been mugged and is up to no mischief and just wants to walk, the cop drives off shaking his head.

In UK,
I asked for walking directions to a cycle shop, as I wanted to buy a cycle. The man in the shop told me it is not too far and I set off walking. It took me a good 35-40mins of walking to get to the said shop. A 'bit' of a walk according to the Brits is about a 30 min brisk walk. They walk everywhere. In fact I came across people known as 'fell runners' which means they basically spend time running up and down fells, which are hills. A quick walkable distance is often something 15-20 mins of brisk walking would cover.

Perhaps it is the cost of petrol in the US, or maybe it is the overtly large food portions which makes walking a non-option. But then in UK walking is a pleasurable activity which not even the pathetic weather can ruin. Families walk, walking and trekking shoes are commonly available, and most places are 'walking distance' according to people. Cars are not essential to living, infact I know people who own cars but go to work via public transport - less hassles and faster..especially in London.

I am not surprised at the cultural difference, I am surprised at the extremity of the difference, between walking which raises suspicion of the police and walking as a profession and hobby. In which case I wonder though why most Americans chose to wear running shoes/ sneakers. White ones preferably and the Brits wear high heels all the time!

Saturday, July 21, 2007


I thought there would be queues and I thought there would be much excitement at the release of the last in the Harry Potter series...well there was not, apart from the store assistant dressed in Griffindor robes...:( Well I got the book, now its a matter of time before some idiot who is clued in and cool comes in and tells me about who died in the book and spoils it for me..meanwhile I shall get stuck in!!

A Case of You

Coming straight out of my head...a song that has been going on in my head...Here is a song by Joni Mitchell and a self portrait by her.

A case of you

Just before our love got lost you said
"I am as constant as a northern star"
And I said, constant in the darkness
Wheres that at?
If you want me I'll be in the bar"

On the back of a cartoon coaster
In the blue TV screen light
I drew a map of Canada
Oh Canada
And your face sketched on it twice

Oh you are in my blood like holy wine
Oh and you taste so bitter but you taste so sweet
Oh I could drink a case of you
I could drink a case of you darling
And I would still be on my feet
Oh I'd still be on my feet

Oh I am a lonely painter
I live in a box of paints
I'm frightened by the devil
And I'm drawn to those ones that ain't afraid

I remember that time that you told me, you said
Love is touching souls
Surely you touched mine
Cause part of you pours out of me
In these lines from time to time

Oh you are in my blood like holy wine
And you taste so bitter but you taste so sweet
Oh I could drink a case of you
I could drink a case of you darling
Still I'd be on my feet
And still be on my feet

I met a woman
She had a mouth like yours
She knew your life
She knew your devils and your deeds
And she said
"Go to him, stay with him if you can
Oh but be prepared to bleed"

Oh but you are in my blood you're my holy wine
Oh and you taste so bitter, bitter and so sweet
Oh I could drink a case of you darling
Still Id be on my feet
I'd still be on my feet

by Joni Mitchell

Monday, July 16, 2007

Do what you must..and grow up!!

A baby can do what it wants, eat when it wants, sleep when it wants, cry when it feels like and smile when it really wants to. Age brings patterns of learned behaviour which are passed on to us, do not scowl, smile when you say thanks, keep quiet when you are in company of strangers, be polite at all times, dont be rude and do not ever shout and scream, keep calm when you dont get your own way, stay awake and work during the day even if it means battling waves of sleep as they hit you after lunch.
Are we not trying to unlearn something that we were born knowing? A child knows that to do instinctively, whether its ancient wisdom that comes down the evolution line to us, or it is something the human body knows as part of some gene code. We unlearn what we were born knowing, resting when needed, expressing emotions and doing what would make us 'acceptable' as defined by society.
Little surprise then that a lot of times we spend our energies doing things that we are not really keen to do, staying up late working on those, falling sick with stress and tiredness and then being told to rest and sleep, and while we are ill we are allowed to eat and sleep and do what we fancy, and then we get better. There seems to be some logic to this.
I am not saying one should be allowed to do all that he or she wants at all times, but then I do wonder who defines what is right or wrong? And if we started to define what we think was acceptable or not, would it make us reclusive?
I just feel that a lot about being 'old and mature' is about worrying about things that are not that big and could be ignored, that doing things to please other people plays a large part of our lives. Being old is about doing things without being told, seeing things which are unclear with clarity, predicting problems that might not happen, preventing things, and pretending. Are all adults fake? Is it a surprise then that we value the innocence of little children. Do we have to grow up?

Saturday, July 14, 2007

500 years of Women in Western Art

This amazing video from youtube (by was too good to not share...for all those who know about art and artists and for all those who appreciate beauty in art

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Whazzup blood?

Whats good fam?
What popping out on the roads? Man like me is kicking back wid the man dem doing my ting still. How come you aint hollerd at me in years blood? Iv been in nearly a year now blood. Buts nutting Im back in the roads real soon. And trust me fam Im on some gritty shit. Man better be ready when I touch down on a next level. Are man still on the spitting ting? Ribs and them are back in here. They want man to link up wid the gully gang. But Im not on the spitting ting no more so if man are still on it I can link that for you still. Anyway you faggot boy how come you aint checked for Baz? He is going mad wid you man the last time I got a letter from him. Man like the B man is going on gully in swimmy. He bus up with Kev wid Wints and now hes on a next wing still. Bp was with my yout moving like a dickhead. When you see Vamps tell him Im going to bust his head because he told me to send him a VO but he never came when Cherrie came for him. So tell him dont even chat to me when I land. Iv sent a VO for you, sleeps and aftab. So book it soon as. Tell the man dem I said whats good and I will phone man soon. Holla back.
One Love

This is a letter from an inmate, to his buddy outside jail. I will not take credit for it...this is just a glimpse into how they think and how they talk, how they write. Having worked with them for so long, I know exactly what he means...I should get back on the road I guess.

Saturday, July 07, 2007

Pearls of Wisdom

Sat in a sunny park pondering today about this and that and discovered some things many people might have thought about, cursed and figured themselves at some point. Why is it?....

- All the dumb people have the most money
- The smartest guy has the best ideas but no money
- The worst looking guy, has the best looking girl
- The worst looking girl has the richest dad
- The coolest car is driven by the saddest person
- The most promising pal of yours is struggling in life
- The pathetic guy you ignored in school is doing really well
- The mouse type girl you did not look at in school is now WOW!!
- The sexy boy from the school football team is now fat and bald
- The one person you hated from college knows your boss at work

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

One Flew Over...

Its not been too long since the last time I had one of my students kill himself. It came as a nasty surprise this morning. Intense depression was not cured by intensive therapy and a close watch. It was depressing to see a young life wasted. And last night. Another one. Another young prisoner who had enough of being in prison decided to end his own life by setting himself and his cell on fire. What a painful and desperate thing to do. I feel for his family and for all those who loved him.
Death in custody is fastidiously monitored and trained for in prisons, we have all sorts of paper work to make such incidence a thing of the past. Lots of training, yet issues which could become options between life and death are left as paper trails to be picked and followed within the regime timings. A lot of lectures and information leaflets and constant vigilance while interacting with prisoners. Yet you do not know who shall slip through, and when, and how. It is sad.
Some would say he was a criminal and must have harmed another human being and does not deserve sympathy. I do not think so, these are young people who have gone off the rails, they do horrible things, but then they also spend a lot of their young lives in prisons as a punishment. They do not deserve to die.

Sunday, July 01, 2007

Of text books and such like

Just remembered days long gone by...of the School Report Day. Whence the family would proceed to school to pick up the Report for the year for the children.
The freshly filled in page, with the statement 'progress to next class'.
And then off we went to the book shop across the road, to buy new books and new pens, pencils, ink pots and also compasses, protractors and dividers...and the lot. There used to a Camel Geometry box, which was a popular thing in school. This used to be expensive then, these days it is about Rs 65.00. We used to also buy rolls of brown cover paper to cover the various notebooks and also labels to put on top for identification in a class of 30-35 students.
The shopping list ended with buying new bright white school shirts with the School Monogram on them. And then it was off home to start to process of covering new books.
There were notebooks with lines for writing, note books with blank pages on one side for science, geography and history. There were squared notebooks for maths and a book known as Mental Maths, which I used to hate. There was also a sheaf of blank physical and geographical maps of India and later on the world for the geography class. I used to wait to reach a higher class where I would be asked to buy 'registers' which are letter size lined notebooks. The older children also seemed to carry a lot less books. I think watching parents spend money on all this was not something I noticed, it was more the ownership of something shiny and new that I liked at this point. It made me look after my things. Something I dont think I see anymore.

My father would sit and cover all my books and then fill in the labels neatly with my name, surname, class, section, and the subject. As I grew older I was handed down text books that my doodle loving older sister used before me. She had a strange fondness for daisies and so I would have spiraling floral decoration in my margins. I would also have squares coloured in and random notes, which were squeezed tightly into the space just above the text on the books. The back pages of these books were absolutely covered with writing and flowers. Being the good girl that she was my sister did not vandalize her books by using them as bats for cricket or as a paper source for throwing around in class. She did not particularly like chewing paper so all pages were intact. Its just the daisies that did my head in!! My poor younger brother left school to join a different one in a different city so he needed brand new books. I think I was the only one with recycled books in the family. It would have been great to see what he would have made of my weakness for Paisley patterns :)