Of Dust..

Lately have been ill, and thus have been lying in bed, high on pain killers and medication. Which means the man is incharge of the house..the cooking and cleaning and washing and shopping. Needless to say he now knows where things are in the house, things like the washing powder, disinfectant wipes, broom and brushes, he knew about the vacuum cleaner etc..he does help you know...
So I spent the weekend lying down to watch TV and come in and out of sleep, while he hoovered the house, cleaned the kitchen and bathroom, washed machine loads of clothes and loaded the dishwasher. He also proceeded to cook dinner (and lunch) for me.

The conversation last night was about dusting, a concept alien to most men. The Man says, ' I dont understand dusting'...the eternal debate of dusting first and or vacuum is like a chicken and egg conversation in the house. He does not see the point, or for that matter the dust. Which lead me to point out, that it nneeds doing or, he shall be able to write things in the dust on things. Specially things like the TV screen, which he proceeded to explain with the tiring wisdom only seen in engineers talking to non engineers...that the TV screen attracts dust. Which lead me to point out..dust falls everywhere and needs cleaning.

He does not agree, so now i am planning to write things on surfaces once they have been coated with dust..

The few smart arse lines that came to mind were:
~ can you see me?
~ this is dust..
~ If you can read this, clean me
~ I love you
~ Hah! proved you wrong
~ Dust is a fact of life
~ Nobody loves me
~ I demand cleaning
~ Wife is right, dust exists
~ Eat Dust!

Stay at Home?

Recently had one of those discussions with the Man about young people not wanting to live with their parents after they finish their education, which started as a discussion and concluded with a 'end-of' statement.

A lot of people in UK and Europe expect their 18 year olds to move out and get on with their own lives as soon as they turn 18. Infact retirement plans are often made on the basis that there will be no children in the house by a certain date and then the parents can get back to leading their own lives. Which sounded strange to me the first time I heard it..but now I guess I am used to the concept.

A long time ago I did contemplate heading back to Delhi for good, however having stayed away from home for a longish period, I was not too keen to go back home and live with the house 'rules'. I do love my folks and everything..and I dont think it needs explaining, but I also at the same time think that asking my folks to change how they do things to suit me would not be fair. I would be working full time, and coming home to my family..nothing wrong with that he says. No there is nothing wrong, but I would rather have a place of my own..nearby maybe, but space of my own..to come back to. This case was presented to Him, who says, whats different, you stay at home. Your folks are friendly people I am sure they wont mind your socialising..and coming home at odd hours.

But I dont think its quite the same thing. There are nights when we sit and chat and eat and drink till late with our friends, when someone eventually grabs the couch to pass the night, friends who drop by with wine and then stay for the night, friends who drop in at odd hours to check if you are free to watch a film etc, impromptu plans made for the evening and weekends, lunches and dinners. Now this all does happen, when you are single (probably), have just started working and earning a decent enough amount to afford a social life, and have other people like yourself as friends...chances are you lead a somewhat similar life.

The life before this was full of education and parents and rules and targets and interviews and exams, the life after this will be probably married or with a significant other, with a social life of a different kind, and perhaps later you shall socialise with your insomniac child and a bottle of milk! Things change. People need space to get to terms with their changing lives. Ofcourse if there is an option of getting space to begin with.

So, coming back to staying at home. My mother always thought that until the date I marry, I shall stay with her, find a job in Delhi, stay at home and post marriage live with the husband, I dont think this thinking would surprise too many Indian parents. Its the done thing. However in my case, this event did not occur. I moved out to study and work and have not gone back, have got married as well..so chances are slim I would stay with her.

I think I might have sounded a bit miffed, because the conversation we were having reached the statement point, where in He says, ' My kids will damn well stay at home, no need to go anywhere, if you are on holiday you are at home!' end-of.

But it is hard to explain, when you step away from home, you grow the innate ability to watch your own back, to understand budgets and finance, to see friend from foe, to stumble and fall, get up without assistance and get going, you learn to keep things to yourself which might worry the people back home, you see the value of home and family, you form your own small quasi-family of friends, you learn and you then set up a style of life/living/thinking/behaving which is uniquely you, adapted and adopted from your family in parts perhaps, but tailor made by you to suit you perfectly. And this..(nameless) state of existence and living is what you grow into and start to like..which when you move back home..does not quite fit/sit perfectly with what your parents (state of existence) maybe.

After being away from home for long, it is nice or rather lovely to be back for a while on holiday or just for a bit, but after some time, I start to miss my own space, my own existence in what I tend to call 'My house' and I like coming back to it.

So needing space, away from home is nothing to do with what you think or feel for your parents, but more about how you have changed and grown into. To understand the change, accept it and live with it happily without making others change for you. The bottom line being..you know..home with your parents is always there, its back up...they will always welcome you home, you can always head back..but its ok to need your own place and space.

Finicky Woman

The Man and I are planning to move house and city. Being the man he decides how much we want to spend and then I decide what all I want in a house. The place in question is only the biggest city in the world. So choosing a place to stay was like going to a rain forest in search of the perfect green leaf!

For him it was simple - close to work, fits budget. That is it!

For me the list started with:
~Time (how far from work)
~Effort (how long a commute)
~Money (how much is the cost of the commute)

Then moved onto specifics
~How many bedrooms? Bathrooms?
~Fully loaded kitchen?
~Double glazed? Gas Central heating?
~Furnished? Unfurnished?

And Further specifics
~House (old build or new and updated)
~Flat/ Apartment (which floor)
~South Facing (In light deprived UK this is MOST important)
~Respectable and safe area?
~How far are the nearest shops?
~What kind of night/evening life (pubs/clubs/restaurants/cafes)

Even further specifics were about
~How far are family and friends?
~Is it green? Are there any parks? Riverside walks? Calm areas of green?
~Gated access through screened entrances?
~Parking?
~Decor? Do I need to repaint? Refurbish?

So, every time we viewed a house this was the standard conversation:

HIM: "I think its nice, lets take it and finish with it!"
ME: "ummm....am not sure, lets think about it!"

Then we would view some more houses, and the conversation became:
HIM: "I liked it, what do you think?"
ME: "I am not sure, it does not have..and i would rattle off one or more of my eligibility criterion"

We reached a point of agreement where in he said he comes home only to sleep and I being the Master and Commander of the home front, I should decide and he will go along with me decision. And he shall say no more (which did not happen at all)

Many houses and apartments later, we zoned into a couple of homes we liked...i liked the space, the view, the kitchen, the location...and he, he shrugged and exhaled:)

At the end of the day...I am a choosy woman and I cant help it. What I would like to know is if I am the choosy one, or all women are like that. I know what I want and dont want..so its not a indecisive matter..its more like...I want everything!

The hunt continues...but this great difference in how we view homes was an eye opener..:D
I dont know what shall happen when we start packing. I guess he will pack his worldly possessions in One suitcase and will be done..while I have rugs, curtains, cushions, clothes, jewelry, shoes, hats, music, books..the list goes on and on...packing should be fun!! If we find the right house that is!