Thursday, September 28, 2006

Indian Corruption

If you google these two you get tonnes and tonnes of articles on it. It is a phenonmenon and it made me think a lot when I was in India trying to get a passport made, years ago. It took all of one year of going about it the 'right' way..and landing up nowhere. Till it was time to go, and I did NOT have a passport. Some pressure helped produce it in a few days. But that was the first brush with corruption in my adult life.
Was reading a book by Mark Tully, 'India in slow motion'. He writes about individuals struggling against a system of which they are part, forming pressure groups and pushing for answers and punishments. The politicians, the businessmen, the middlemen, the armed forces, the police...corruption knows no boundaries it seems. Who watches the watchmen came to mind when I was reading about the police beating up people who file complaints.
We are the largest democracy, but are we really democratic..we have a right to vote (sometimes) but there is a lot more that needs to be changed.
When I think about the fact that an educated person, who has worked within the system, (like the many IAS officers who quit their jobs due to disillusionment) struggle to right what is wrong, I wonder at what scope there is for a rural uneducated person to make a change?
I know this sounds like idealistic thinking..but I guess it is an idealistic country..every right for every wrong, every rich for every poor, every up for every down, every beauty for every ugliness, kindness for every act of brutuality, attempts are being secular and democratic despite our diversity.
Its making me think...

Friday, September 22, 2006


Read something somewhere about the blogging phenomenon and what is it that encourages people to pour their hearts out online for strangers to see.
I dont know about other people..but most of my entries are personal rants, thoughts and experiences...if some people like reading! (and also thanks!)but at most times this space is used more like a diary of thoughts..and processes in my head and around me that I notice and remember some day later. A bit like photographs in text format!

As of now the thing that is uppermost in my mind is the stupid fight I had at work last night. A disagreement spiralled out of control to become a loud arguement. I have learnt from my past experiences that I dont like anger and shouting. Probably because it seems an unfair way of communicating and also because I cant/ dont shout back. Which means I feel angrier and angrier by every passing minute. This gets worse coz I like to think I dont let people get to me, and when they do I think...'this little ****' should be able to rattle me!! I am better than that. And then I go all cold and silent (which does look like I lost the arguement/ conceded defeat / agreed with the opposition)
The thing with anger that does not get vented is that it simmers inside and then takes days to get out..if ever! Perhaps shouting and giving vent to emotions is a good idea..atleast you get it off your chest. But is it really? Is not anger another version of insecurity..where you shout coz you think the other person is not listening..
dont know..sitting on the fence here..

Thursday, September 21, 2006


Perfection is the perception of a lack of fault or error. It is the state in which no change in any variables shall enhance the said perfect (thing/person/feeling)
Often perfection is perceived differently by different people. And there is no standardised version of perfection.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006


Simplicity and lack of complication seems to be directly proportional to how little you think? Or is it?
There seems to be a fine line between people who are easy going and relaxed and those who are just plain lazy.
Sometimes things come up that need thinking about. You need to think them out, think around them, do a SWOT on them and see what comes out. Once you have thought it through you are done. Then you can tidy up your thoughts, reach a conclusion and move on.
Often people perceive thinking as a waste of time and the reason for stress, but I wonder if it is honestly possible to ignore a problem by not thinking about it.
Or is the older generation right here. All people who are that side of 50 who I know say that us,'youngsters' think too much. Well they lived through wars and depressions and lack of money, lack of medicine and technology and never worried that much, we silly young people think too much and complicate our simple lives by over crowding it with analysis.
The question now being how many people will frankly admit to being worriers and how many people can look back at tough times and think..oh yes..i worried..a lot
And what is the line between worry too much and think well before making decisions.

Thursday, September 14, 2006


Will always know they are right, and hope you know that too.
Will always say things are ok, but inside shake their heads and knowing they are not.
Will keep a secret for 5 mins and then tell 10 people.
Will start talking the minute they wake up and shut up only when asleep.
Will always want a compliment, no matter how mundane.
Will like to know its them and only them that you think about.
Will argue like no tomorrow and cry like no day after.
Will remember things said and done long after you think (and hope).
Will always need (not want) material goods (small or big)
Will always know when to smile at a man to get their way.

Think they know it, but know that they dont.
Will never accept the above.
Gossip and bitch about others sometimes worse than women.
Will never accept the above.
Will scowl over your girlie things and call them silly wastes of time/space.
But shall secretly want to know how they work...but..
Will never accept the above.
Will mock your glossies and find them dumb, but will thumb through them when you are not looking.
Will never accept the above.
Will find our need for shoes, bags, clothes, music silly.
But will appreciate it secretly when they go out with us.
Will never accept the above.
Will loudly say..oh dear she talks so much. But will smile inside about it.
Will never accept the above.

Why oh why?

Monday, September 11, 2006

God sent..

He beckons me over and asks me to look down. We sit together on a fluffy white cloud, soft as down and stare through this clouds, at Earth below.
"What is that?" I ask.
"Planet Earth" He says, "I want you to go down there"
"But why?, Who lives there?" I wonder.
"Human beings, they have the resources and abilities to make the most of their surroundings. I want you to go there and live in a family, be a human for a while"
"Will I like it" I ask aloud.
"Yes, I think the family who awaits you shall love you and care for you well" he says with confidence, "It shall be interesting if nothing else."

Sometimes I am pretty sure I had this conversation with God before I was born. I dreamt about it last night.

Friday, September 08, 2006


Where my heart shall come to rest and my soul shall be at peace.
This is Kashmir I want to be there again..soon...

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

How far is far?

How far would you go for some one you love dearly?
Would you quit your job? Would you move city/country/continent?
Would you put yourself and what matters to you behind this one person who means a lot to you? Would you behave in a different way? Would you change your way of thinking, seeing and understanding? Would you do something that you dont really believe in?
And all that...willingly?

Does not doing something they really want you to do mean you dont love/ care about this person enough?
Why is it that when are faced with agreement or worse still disagreement with some on we love or care about, it always boils down to how much we feel/care for them?

Very often people use this kind of arguement to get their way.

Sometimes we do things willingly, because we all seem to have some set of priorities in our head. And we act accordingly. And then what really matters comes out on top. But is it ok not to put the person you love on top, even if they dont put you on the top either? Is it ok to give your priorities a bit of a shuffle now and then?

Why is it that we have the highest expectations from the people we love the most? And why do we very often put conditions of the steepest kind on the relationships that matter the most.

Richard Bach says 'If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have a problem.'

On the other hand if the other persons happiness is not important to you, is it possible that the person is important to you?

Or am I asking the same 'it is a fine line' type of question?