Sunday, October 30, 2005


And this is the first time I have used the wi-fi bit in Tiger. Its cool. I am on my way to Edinburgh by train and it feels pretty damn cool to be able to surf and kill time rather than read something mundane and boring as a woman's glossy.So I am joining the cool club or should I spell it the smart way...Kool or Kewl club!!Hallelujah!!

Thursday, October 27, 2005

a Normal day!!!

And i had a normal day today...absolutely problems..nothing. No was just normal..the sun was out though (which IS strange in UK) and life was peacefully busy. Nothing nasty, nothing new...nothing bad, and nothing sad. The burnt hand is better..not hurting as much better. I did not miss the bus, had a good time at work with the nasty boss away - she has a cough :) god bless her throat!!
Finally!!! and its Friday tomorrow and I am meeting all my favourite people this weekend!! Can it get any better? I dont think so:)

Wednesday, October 26, 2005


If I don't agree with you, does this mean I don't love you?
If you don't see my point does that mean I am wrong?
If I see what you mean but don't subscribe to it, does it mean I don't care?
If I don't take your advice and do as I feel, will you stop caring for me?
If I agree with you all the time, and always listen, will you love me forever?
If I think the way you do and so be another you, will you still love me?
Is having an opinion and a different personality, wrong?
Or is it I will love you inspite of disagreement and despite personality differences?

So what does one do, when faced with disagreement? Argue till Kingdom come? Convince? Or understand that disagreement is not a reflection on emotional attachment. Stick to ones point and not give in. And have hard feelings?
Are things people argue about important? Important enough to affect emotional attachments?
How important is the most important thing? More important than love? Is it?

I think Mum can answer everyone of these questions. I have argued with her day and night. I have been allowed my difference in opinion and personality and thinking. We have fought, argued, I have cried and tried and tried and cried. At moments I used to wish she would see what I am saying.... love and respect for her never changed. Arguments are fine. Disagreements - healthy, differences - expected, no two people are alike. But...

....Love is..never conditional. Never.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Disaster Strikes

I know I am not the most graceful of people, but I do know how to cook. But last night I managed to get attacked by a defiant aubergine which did not want to be friend, decided to fly out of the pan and flick some scalding hot cooking oil in my direction.
Hand scorched and scalded in 7 places! Fortunately I had a friend over for dinner who managed to dash out and get some anti septic burn cream, an aunt on the phone who patiently told me what to do.
The problem now is using a mouse..any time my hand brushes against any surface it KILLS!! so last night was a series of wake up with flashing pain as my hand brushes some surface or the other.
Never mind..I am not 5 yrs old according to some I shall act my age..and pretend it does not hurt..when it does!!
and the excitement in my life continues...

Monday, October 24, 2005

Autumn sunset


Here is how I spent Sunday...Painting..well actually..i cleaned and washed and cooked and shopped..painted my toes, shampooed my hair, wrote my chapter, called home, called London..spent time ..a lot of time sleeping..and thinking and reading the weekend newspapers.
Swastika came into my head when I bought the canvas, a month or more ago...have finally had the time to paint it.
comments welcome on this one :)

Friday, October 21, 2005

And its FRIDAY!

After the nonsense of yesterday...I have today..which is nearly over..just a few weeks to christmas and I get to go home and chill...quite literally. So I am ok.
The day was not as bad as yesterday...but its not over yet!! not yet.
I wont be surprised to find an empty fridge and a rumbling tummy in a few hours.
Its pouring down with rain, dark and cold.
But then Diwali is coming soon...though its in the middle of the week!
I dont have to go to work the next 5 days!!
But thursday and friday will be killers.
I can relax over the weekend,
But I have a long list of to-dos to get around.
balancing act happening.
when will christmas get here?
I shall go drown my thoughts and sorrows in the some wine and some good pasta..and perhaps a nice movie :)

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Early Mornings..and bad days

I just know when a day is going to be bad.
Woke up rudely to the alarm this morning at 6.00, was having visions of disgustingly cooked Pao Bhaji..I was feeling sick in my dream!
Woke up to pitch dark outside the window and the moonlight still shining. Hate this early morning darkness and it will only get worse.
eyes closed..I go to switch on the make the Absolutely essential tea..there is no milk!! and no sugar. ok..its ok...I shall look for milk powder..but thats finished too. In the meantime the toast decides to burn. On top of this the heating did not come I was freezing. Could have cursed aloud..did not..old enough to know how to behave myself..aren't I?
Fortunately did not miss the bus. But work was horrible. Had a fight in my class between two inmates and now I have one more person with my name on their hit list.
Heading home now, let me see what else is in store..Today is NOT over yet!!

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

The Bubble project

This is one of the many interesting images on
The owner of this website,Ji, printed 15,000 bubble stickers and placed them on top of ads all over New York City. Passersby fill them in and Ji goes back and photographs them. The end result is on the website.
I found this one apt..and now I risk putting my political opinion on the net! But hey..according to my limited understanding of the World Wide is kind of democratic and thus supposedly free. So here goes..nothing at all!

Tuesday, October 18, 2005


Had I the heavens' embroidered cloth,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths beneath your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

-William Butler Yeats

Monday, October 17, 2005

at Peace

Feeling at peace. a non delirious way. Satisfied a non indulgent way. Just a very 'Hmmm' look on my face. The hint of a smile. Somewhere inside my I am ok. Not worried about anything. Just happy, pleasantly so at being alive. Not feeling restless. Not feeling jumpy or as if I am missing something. Quietly complacent.
I know something is missing and I have given up trying to guess what it is. There is something in my head that is nagging me, troubling me, worrying me. Dont know and I have stopped trying to figure it out now. Forget it, whatever it is..will appear.
Meanwhile I shall continue to be calm :D

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Ah ha.

I got some answers. Some thoughts..and some comments. Ah ha.
I dont think I want to hold on...coz one does that when afraid...and I am not afraid. I am ok. I am cool. I am good.
I am back from long trips and talking sessions with friends old and new..and now that I have talked enough I have a sore throat and a little voice left only.
Shall put up some pictures soon.

PhD seems to be sorting out as well..and for some strange reason I am kind of worried about what life would be without the PhD sword over my head. Do I want to find out..or do I want to stretch this last bit of education I shall the last and longest minute. I have to remember I CANT study any more after this :)

Monday, October 03, 2005

Noticing Greed.

Ever noticed..

The more you like something,
the more you want of it.
The more you want of it,
the less you want to live without it.
The less you live without it,
the more you cant imagine what life was like without it or before it.
And when that happens...
You start thinking..what if this finishes, ends, gets lost, breaks..what if... what if...
There is only so much Money can buy and only so much Master Card can.
And there is only so much else you can get yourself, without help of the afore mentioned.

How does one hold onto something precious?
Or should one give up trying to hold and go with the flow?
Or should extreme positivity be resorted to? where 'Ofcourse nothing will happen' should be the approach?
Or should one subsscribe to 'Live for today' formula..grab what you get today, you dont know if tomorrow will come?

Dont know.
Looking for answers.