Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Mum and Marriage!!!

If ever in doubt pick up phone, dial MUM.
She knocks in a few home truths as well as what she thinks is right, tacked on very smartly at the end with a ' You do what you want, after all you are a young independent person'.
Is it something all of us young, independent (financially and otherwise) women have to face?
We are 'responsibility' till we are married and then we are someone else's responsibility..ie.husband.

I don't want to be anyone's responsibility, it makes me sound like I cant be left to my own devices to fend for myself. I do believe in good relationships which make you happy and secure and loved. But I would not get into one just to please the parents who don't see singledom as a voluntary option which can actually make you happy (for a while atleast).

Coming back to the point, mothers have this insanely perfect way of telling you what they think you should do, which is put diplomatically into conversations without ruffling feathers.

Whether it starts with the 'we are growing old..etc etc' or the 'now you are old enough..' this is Age school of thought. Heaven forbid the biological clock dimension comes in..then you are dead. There is no arguing the post-30-baby syndrome.

The other approach is 'You lead a stressful life, you need someone to share the load of it...' why do this to yourself when you can take it easy'...

Another school of thought which is not exactly diplomatic is the 'we met a really really nice young man...' This is when you say OH NO!!!!

And you know she is reaching the 'I give up on you' statement when she says...'Look, we are trying, if you have someone in mind, let us know..we are okay with it...'

At the end of the whole..we have been through this, and I know what you think, and yes I will think about it, comes the reasonable part. We don't want to push you into a wrong match and so you think. We just want you to be happy. And just when you think this is last time you have had this discussion..wait till she rings you back to see how your day was...and starts again. I fear to think what it would be like if she figures there might just be a certain young man in my mind..will she run and put up billboards of other Kashmiri pandits she wants me to look at or will she want to shoot this one person who threatens the only chance she might have to find the perfect groom for me. I do wonder...
Always loved experiments in school and in Psycho class in LSR..let me see......I want to ring and test my theory!!

Monday, November 28, 2005

after much thinking...

I asked for comments, I fished for compliments. I hoped for patience, I looked for inspiration. I looked at pictures, I thought good thoughts. I looked at people who looked nice, I thought about possibilities.
And then I got my hair chopped short AGAIN. Short mop of curls on my head. Got rid of the curly longish locks...got this crop instead. Now its back to wash, walk!! Also makes wearing a cap in the cold a possibilty coz there is no danger of ruining my hairstyle.....Short hair = Virtually no hairstyle.
Amelia Jane, Imp and Elf...dont care much about names...but I dont have the patience to have long hair. I like it!!!

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Jack Frost

As I travelled to Cardiff this week, I encountered the coldest day so far. A night of -8 or lower across the country meant everything was frozen white. I was travelling Eastwards into Wales so the train journey was along a beautiful coast on one side and endless fields on the other. There hung a heavy mist and the sun was hidden in the clouds. All plants glittered with frost. It was unlike snow as it did not hide or cover the lanscape. This was just a frozen countryside, with ice glazing. Breathtakingly beautiful. The best part of winter is the eerie silence it brings. No birds, no bees, no hovering birds, everything is put to sleep and you can hear the silence. Time Stops.
as i silently kick myself for not bringing along a camera.

Friday, November 18, 2005

have become angrez...

Am in love with Fridays..and weekends.
One relaxing Saturday and then pack on Sunday..heading to Cardiff in Wales on Monday...back on tuesday, off to London on Friday..for a Hen Party..Ahhhh!! Busy-ness as usual :)
Stop the world I want to get off might happen pretty soon.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Pills and Bills

I spend a lot of money and time buying the right vitamins and minerals and essential Fish Oils to keep cold and coughs away, to have shiny curly hair, white teeth, strong bones and a good metabolism, great skin, high energy levels...the list of the brilliance goes on....
I spend a lot of time thinking about what I eat and what I dont
I also spend a lot of time listening to well intended lectures "in my best interest" from family and friends.
And I spend a lot of time remembering to eat this stuff at the right time in the right quantities.
And this morning I woke up...with a bad bad BAD cold, a really sore throat and fever. I dont know why! I eat right, live the right way, sleep the right amount, walk about quite a lot, eat at the right time, dont skip breakfast and live a boringly well planned food life and still this nasty blocked nose, heavy head..that even the Coldarin wont cure...WHY? WHY? WHY?
hang on it gets better....
On the bus to work I read the paper, which had a report about how people in UK overdose on vitamins and minerals and these can hamper health.
Am I in shock...No ...not really, am not exactly a softie.
Am I surprised...well perhaps a bit.
Am I pissed off...OH YEAHHH!! Big time.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Haunting melody...and amazing lyrics

Yes..yes yes...I am still going on and on about Love story...I am allowed to..this is my blog you know!!!

Love Story

Andy Williams

Where do I begin to tell the story
Of how great a love can be
The sweet love story that is older than the sea
The simple truth about the love she brings to me

Where do I start
With her first hello
She gave new meaning to this empty world of mine
They'll never be another love another time
She came into my life and made the living fine

She fills my heart
She fills my heart with very special things
Angel songs and wild imaginings
She fill my soul with so much love
That any where I go I'm never lonely
With her around who could be lonely
I reach for her hand
She's always there

How long does it last
Can love be measured by the hours in a day
I have no answers now
But this much I can say
I know I'll need her until the stars all burn away
And she'll be there

How long does it last
Can love be measured by the hours in a day
I have no answers now
But this much I can say
I know I'll need her until the stars all burn away
And she'll be there

Conflicting films

I saw two completely different movies this weekend..Eric Segal's Love Story and Shrek 2. Back to back if you please. I spent time crying for the nth time over Love story and laughing loudly over Shrek 2, I mean, is there anyone in the world (apart from younger brothers) who is quite as irritating as the Donkey?

Some bits of the film, which are also bits from the book (screenplay overlaps) have stuck into my head.

Jennifer Cavilleri
"Love means never having to say you are sorry"

Oliver Barret III
"..I give you my hand, I give you my love more precious than money,
I give you myself before preaching or law;
Will you give my yourself? Will you come travel with me?
Shall we stick by each other as long as we live?"

Remember reading this book when I was in class 12...years and years and years ago..well 10 years ago actually..and loving it. Crying through it and reading it over and over again. Well I saw the film after 8 years and it still moved me.

About Shrek...its just unbeatable..the Puss in the Boots and the irritating donkey...TOO MUCH!!

Unique and Beautiful Snowflake...

Am I one? One of my friends thinks I am part of the 'compost heap' just the same as everyone else. I dont think so. I am unique..in my thoughts, in my actions and in my soul. I am like no one else. People might agree or disagree, see my point or not. Discover sense in this blog and my conversations..to me..it matters not..their uniqueness is reflected in their inability to understand me and understanding might mean we both might be snowflakes...but completely unique nonetheless in our own way.

In other news..just spent 5 hours travelling down from Scotland..its amazing how the landscape changes even in a small country like this. I spent the train journey with an old couple who were going to holiday on the coast, with a very small, but VERY fat dog. The dog wanted my Kit-Kat and so sat on my feet for 4 hours, and stared right up at me all through..which, coz I love dogs, I dont mind..but this was one greedy dog with soulful eyes, kind of like the one I have back home. You have to share whatever you eat or you would not be able to digest it. So yup..5 hours in the train, of which I spent some time reading some books, writing some parts of my PhD thesis and then bumping into people I would rather forget.

Is it not amazing how some people..when you look back, meant the world to you and now, you are probably not in touch, and probably dont even want to be. They fade into the background as the 'important' shoes get filled by other things or people. Some people who you thought were amazing when you were a kid, seem ordinary and not so amazing now. Some scenarios which you think were impossible..maybe even a year ago, are not only possible but very real now.

Its amazing how life just turns, turns, turns..and you make plans of eternal happiness, permanent jobs, future qualifications, far away dreams of far away lands which you shall travel one day...plans and even more plans..and meanwhile God probably smirks and life keeps turning.

But I seriously believe that things happen for your own good..there is a Masterplan which you wont know..but your happiness is central to it.

Is happiness, the lack of unhappiness, or another state of mind altogether? I wonder....
Whatever it is..I am happy as of now. Happy in a peaceful, smiling gently, drifting into sleep kind of way..hmmmmm!! Why should I not be...I am a snowfalke..and that cant be bad? right my friend?

Tuesday, November 15, 2005


How come your brain sees more than your camera can?
What would it be like if a printer could be connected to the images in the brain?
I have plenty in my head to fill a blog..
Images of women smiling as they finally put a baby to sleep. Faces of people who have just won a rugby match. Thoughts...and how thoughts look when interwoven and then broken by a phone call! Smiles...when the face remains still but in your head you are smiling...
Loads to do..lets see how many of these I can depict from behind a camera..
Have a feeling a painting shall flow out of my fingers this weekend which shall draw the photograph if I cant shoot it
Gap jeans..wear very well. Guilt levels still high.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Forgive me Oh Lord...

OK..confession time..I have done the sin that many do each day. I have made the BIG mistake of paying £54.60 to Gap for two pairs of jeans which fit my short body. After hunting high and low for jeans that dont scrape the ground and fit me, in London, Leicester and Edinburgh...I found them...in GAP of all places. A store I never enter and one that never tempts me to enter. I am sorely tempted at this time to blame my friend who wears GAP GAP and GAP...for leading me/ pushing me into the store. But let me be fair. I went on my own free will and paid from my own pocket. so!!
Being a believer in Fair Trade and other such concepts..I have never bought Nike, GAP and avoid paying for coffee at Starbucks and McD. BUT....I bought these infernal jeans and my soul will not rest. Due to my buying somewhere in Indonesia is being paid a platry sum for working ridiculous hours...Someone told me GAP has changed its CSR policy. I shalll scout for proof of this so I can let me sould rest.
Being melodramatic am I? Well I had a nasty ngithmare to accompany the guilt factor...amongst other things. So I dont think so!!

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Tiredness can kill...

Though I am not dead - yet...Its been an endless week and its not over yet. Working till late night, if not working, then thinking about the work I have to do. Long journeys ahead..loads to do in little time. Training and teaching and studying and shopping for food, cooking and cleaning, making lesson plans and marking assignments, reading journals and writing a thesis. Meanwhile thinking about Christmas and about going home. About shopping that needs to be done for gifts for Christmas and Birthdays that are coming up...hmmm. In between there is a conference to attend and a Hen party to enjoy. Meanwhile a new painting has come into my head and is pestering me to come out and be painted. Also some new books on Amazon look really tempting..ahhhh....or should it be an AARRGHH!!
Read somewhere in an obituary..'She lead a full life'...I am trying to lead an overfull life...or is everyone as mad as me.
I am happy...really tired but happy...happy with what I have chosen and happy with what I have..though some people might think I crib..I dont. I like this.
Tired but not dead, exhausted but not finished, down but definitely not out!!!

Wednesday, November 09, 2005


Swanky building, cool settings, amazing painting, loads of glass and water falls and loads of people. Birmingham city centre..and the college I teach for. It was training day today...I thought I knew all the weirdos in the world..turns out I did not till today.
I thought I was crazy...I like teaching at the Prison...I like being able to motivate young people who have had sad lives full of crime and challenges. It makes me feel positively priveleged and happy. And also lucky that I am at some level able to make some difference to some one's life.
And today I met a bunch of people who feel the same way. Ah!
It was a good day full of IT and how to teach IT more effectively..interesting stuff...if you are one of the weirdos in life.

Monday, November 07, 2005

More coolness

And thats the cool new phone I own. The thinnest phone ever made, the pinkest phone I have ever seen. Am i cool or what !!!!

A thankful prayer

Diwali came and went..
as I prayed I could not help thinking about the past and how weird last year has been. Last Diwali I was going through loops and my brain was in a state of shock, I could not see reason in anything and life seemed a bit pointless. Since then I have gone through enough shit to last me a long long time and now things seem to be looking calm, looking up and I am happy.
I wanted to say thanks...for throwing things at me which did not kill me and therefore made me stronger.
I want to say thanks, that things have now been sorted and I have a brand new life which is full of small joys, big smiles and a lot of love. Thank you God.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005


Festival of lights...is best celebrated with people you love. With my family far away..I spent it happily with people I love here who are friends but as good as family.
I am hoping the scenario for Diwali will be different next year. I want to be with family. Hope God is listening..