Thursday, September 22, 2005


In love..with Tiger..
almost feels like I have got a new toy to play with and so I look forward to getting home and get cracking with work. Its good. obsessive thesis writing happening currently.
Apart from that..great achievement has happened. Quit...quit smoking for good. Nicotine patches are helping as of now...but it feels good to not be enslaved by a piece of burning paper with smoke on one end and an idiot on the other end!
so apart from that...its been a busy week so far. teaching at the prison..babysitting..or attempting to babysit a 1 month old and a 3 year old...exhausting..very exhausting..its like going for a walk...long one, working all day and doing 2 hours in the gymn combined! YARGH!!!

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Please welcome - Tiger!!

Yes..I have got it. My very first, brand spanking new Laptop. After years of thinking..and knowing that I know next to nothing about computers...I took the plunge and bought one. Let me not take the credit for choosing it though...have smart friends who know more about computers than I will ever figure in my life. So BIG thanks!! I started it up for the first time. Being the DUH that I am...saw 'name your machine'...Is it a pet/ a child/ what..I thought? Why name a machine..Can this machine be human? Bearing in mind it will help me deliver my first child..The PhD might well be a human. So I named it TIGER!!
So please Welcome TIGER to my family! (applause)
About climbing..from the last blog entry. Went well..have mountain goat genes somewhere in me I think. Climbed up and down a wall pretty quick. No pains or pulls happened..though I did get sore finger tips from grabbing pieces of rock to haul me up. Shall try and take pictures when I go next time..tomorrow.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005


Right..I am back to sorting. I think I spend most of my time sorting..sorting my head, my thoughts, books, papers, clothes, music, travel, PhD dimensions, the past, the present, the future...making plans and then pricking tiny holes in them for doubts to flow through. Then being positivity personified and making the holes into windows of opportunity. Thinking brand new thoughts, revisiting books and ideas and then re-sorting them.
Making further plans...and then thinking that planning makes no sense.
Futuristic thinking makes no sense.
As of now..right this moment...the plan is to go rock climbing..and if I dont break any bones I shall be back tomorrow..I dont think I shall break I shall be back tomorrow.
Shall go home and sort my climbing gear first!!!

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

My work

This is a part of my life. These are the people I work with and hope to work for at a later stage. People who need me, I am hoping to help them rebuild their lives by transferring my skills to them. This my attempt at creating some peace at some small level and to try and rebuild a community torn apart by violence.
The People of Kashmir.


Yeh Kashmir hai..
This is the Dal lake. I was on the Boulevard..going towards Nagin and took the long way to it via Hazrat Bal, all around the lake and into the old part of town. The lake was like glass in the sunshine.

As you land at the airport in Srinagar this is the site that greets you. Mountains in every direction..cant miss them. As of now I dont want to think of a life where the nearest mountains are more than 6 hours away from me. They bring me peace and happiness. Also make me realise how small, insignificant and temporary my existence is.

Thursday, September 08, 2005


I am. I am. Got the Decree today. Its done. Its passed and I have become Miss again! Happiness..
It seems like a long long journey from moving out to living on my own, to feeling single, and to being single. I have learnt a lot. I have gained a lot.
But today seems like the first day of the rest of my life. And I am thankful that i came out of this one unharmed in any way which cant be reversed.
Thank you God and thank you ADJ Malhotra!

Wednesday, September 07, 2005


The PhD is starting again. After writing bits and pieces and more bits and pieces...losing supervisors and getting more funding..I am back. Back into the battlefield of academics. Trying to write the story of Kashmir and its crafts. Of its people and its traditions, of its politics and the myriad ways the people devise to live, exist and chase happiness.
Also making decisions about what I want to do next and how. With work..with my career. Do I want to go all out and stick with what can turn out to be an exciting career....with tonnes of travel, kind of decent money but no place to call home. Or to head back to India and look for work there. Or to stay here and continue teaching and then look for a slightly less physically taxing option.
People look at options as good..they are good, but when there are too many of makes me wonder.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005


Just when you start feeling alive,
Just when you think everythings going to be fine,
Just when you thought you could ease the stress a bit,
Just when you thought life is looking up..
...just then..exactly there come...decisions.
Big questions, little thoughts, small joys, nagging worries.
The desire to hold on, to stop time.
The desire to move on and change lives.
Have many to step at a time and I shall get there...if not there, then somewhere!