Last year I lost a very dear member of my family to this awful disease. It took time to get over it yet I missed him. He was stolen by cancer. I missed him when I returned to India, and I missed him at my wedding, I wish...there was a lot I wished at that time, and I still do.
Today the thief is back, in another part of another body of yet another family member. She is battling it in surgery today and it does not look good right now. A lot of placating techonlogical jargon has been given, all the stuff about 'technology and new century and best surgeons' has been spoken. People donate to the Cancer Research Fund and Charities..and have been for a long time..has the technology changed and evolved..? Should I believe that? I did, last year, but did it work. Na. And right now, I just dont know. Dont know what to think or believe.
I do not know because I heard these words not so long ago. About the strength of the spirit, and the support that family gives, and the pray and it will work, the trust in God..loads of things were said. None worked.
So where do I stand? Between beleiving in God and the brilliance of Doctors.
The two people I am talking about..were/are the most highly spirited people in the family. The dynamic ones, the ones who made you laugh, made you think, made you crib and made you realise that they are tough nuts to crack. And guess who they met..Cancer.
I do not know if I should give praying another shot. I do not know if crossing my fingers and hoping for the best will work. Is there any point I wonder...this disease seems to win most battles it gets into eventually. Should I block it out of my head, is it possible? Should I try not to worry. Should I take one step at a time, should I wait and see..is there any point?
Am not making much sense to myself right now. Its deeply upsetting, unsettling and depressing, frustrating even..to have a problem and know it is not solvable, not in your control, and there is nothing I can do to change that.