Monday, April 30, 2012

Silence is weird

I find it weird to have disappeared from this space as silently as I have done. It is strange to reflect on the prolific writing I had done at some point of time in this space. It is also randomly odd that a message reminding me that I was MIA made me return here. I miss all that I used to read..and also at some level, all that I used to write. It now feels like I am back and the world is just the same, all of you still reading, commenting, trawling through the web, chatting, making connections in your mind and writing good stuff, that remains creative, entertaining and honest. Its like resurfacing from a deep dive, waking up from a long sleep - choose the metaphorical equivalent.

As of now I am limited, to very limited news related reading, the odd link shared on facebook and truck loads of marking. I am back at work with new found respect for all women who maintain careers post baby, and also yet higher respect for single parents of all sorts. Its strange that it all seemed so 'normal' and 'possible' to do that the finest level of exhaustion and despair, are met with a giant dose of self deprecation and critical thought. I just about manage to switch from being mommy - to being an academic and then switching back at 5pm to Mommy. I do meet friends, do talk on skype/phone etc. Do go out, do shop, eat, sleep...but its all done with an element of urgency, with a healthy dose of clock watching and guilt.

Am I managing? - not as well as I thought I would really. This whole palaver of being daughter, sister, friend, wife, mother blah blah is all good on paper - but damn hard to execute. And perhaps being one person at a time is all that one can do well enough to not feel bad about. 

So whilst I be the wiper of nose, the maker of food, the driver to birthday parties, the deliverer of lectures, the writer of (academic) books, I stay away from this space. Perhaps I should update technology and see if I can do this writing/reading/sharing of thoughts more seamlessly from another source.

Just thought this silence is weird.

1 comment:

Deepak said...

Welcome back Morpheus!

Silence is probably not weird if all you hear back when you talk, is your echo.
But I'm sure you'll hear other voices.. there are a lot of people who have all the time in the world. :)