Last night I watched a BBC reporter, Kate Silverton, talk about how her being 35 is making her a bit jumpy because she has had not children till now. Her career was and is important to her and hence she did not want to take time out to have a child. Uk, like most European countries has a declining population, where in more and more women are chosing their career over their kids. This program, Right time for a baby, made me really think...
I did think from my feminist point of view. When has a man ever needed to think uhh..career or family? what should I do? Have they needed to juggle nappy changing and measles and temperature with a project deadline? Its not fair. The fact that paid maternity leave is so meagre that you need to be crazy to leave a full time job to be a full time mum is important to bear in mind.
Then I thought from my logical side, it does make sense to postpone kids, so you dont have to think, at any point of time, that if you (my dearest child) were not here, then I would have been travelling the world and making a lot of money. A child should not be something you resent or regret.
The reasonable side of me thought, well most women are pushing kids back because if they earn more they can give that much more to their kids in terms of resources. They can provide better. Maternity leave again is for 6 months only..after that it is unpaid. Where does it leave you financially? You need to money but you also need to quit the job that brings it to you.
The thoughtful side of me agreed with the woman, who when asked, when is the right time? Said with a smile, when you find the right guy. Hmm...Now THAT I think is yet another blog entry on its own..who is the right guy and does he come with a sign over his head that declares him to be right or wrong? With a clock ticking you really do need to know fast!!
Then the sentimental side took over. Kate Silverton looked at a new born baby and thought, I want one of those. Why is it that little tiny feet and ears make women all soppy? I sat there thinking..hmmm am not 30 yet so I have a window of 6 years to 35 when everything shall change..and I do want some little kids. But I also want to travel, I also want a career, ofcourse the right guy shall be needed too. So this is my wish list, it might be unreasonable, and contradictory, but this is what I want. I am being greedy I know:
I want a good career, with a job I love that pays a lot
I want to travel and see all the places on my list..starting from the Serengeti, Kalahari, Andes, The Mardi Gra, Rajasthan, Assam, The barrier Reef, Jagannath Puri, Amarnath..and the list goes on.
I want to have 2 kids atleast. And I dont want to be an OLD mum...i want to be able to be at home and spend time with them.
I want the perfect man who can have flexi time at home so when I need to work, he can take over
I want to settle down with some dogs in a house with a garden where kids can play.
I also want to paint in a studio, and learn glass blowing.
Long enough..well the list does go on..but as of now I can just hear the tick tock of a clock which I did not think much about till last night!
This morning I thought, all of the above is nonsense. If my parents sat and thought about what they could give me or not, chose to have things perfect before I came around..I would not have been around, and that would have been a pity. Life does not stop with a child. It slows down a bit and then picks up, changed, but still pretty much there. I think this was a selfish point of view, where you want to have it all. You can try having most of it ;) but not all. You could have a career, and pick up where you left off...ok you might have to work hard to get it back. But look at the rewards, being a mother is special...think of your own mum, right now..and think how much...how deeply you care about her..see!! This is what you will get!! Strong feelings..some where I read..A mother holds their childrens hands for sometime, but their hearts forever!