Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Our Modernity

Most of us who are the wrong side of 30 would know of people, friends, family, colleagues who have been divorced or separated. Dont we? We would also know of kids who get weekend parenting from the one who lost the custody battle. We would know atleast one bitter person thanks to this phenomenon.
Is it an easy come, easy go attitude that we have that is to blame? The whole my way or the high way situation, where you are never wrong and you are who you are and could not, would not, and should not want to change. And you would want some one to love you for 'who' you are. Is that not a glib way of saying, I am like this, and I cant be asked to change, much as I love you, I love myself more?
There are also so many dimensions to us and our needs, that we do think that one person shall never be able to meet our varied mental and emotional needs that change with time. And that are currently met by varied friends and other social groups.
There are also issues of friends. Since we do marry late, we have had to time to make friends - fun friends, good friends, close friends, protective friends, friends who have messed about with us but we still like them, friends who matter a lot. But once you marry there are my friends, your friends and our friends, and when there are that many people involved, there are bound to be discussions about priorities for meeting/ calling in our oh so busy lives.
The list is long....too long..but the spark that triggered this thinking is my folks 35 wedding anniversary. Yup..married THAT long. Neither is perfect or easy to live with (and i know!!). I wonder how they shall get on once they retire, because to be together 24x7 is tougher than it looks. They say they have been married and its not always been easy, they have had their tough times, but knowing that there is no way out of it has meant they solve anything that comes up, because there is no other option. The fact that they were always there for each other no matter what helped. I have seen my parents happy, satisfied and have never seen an argument or a fight, perhaps they waited till I was asleep.
So I wonder if that is the problem with us lot - options, and too many of them!! We are the children of post modern thinking, feminist thinking, egalitarian thinking. Of divorces that according to last Sunday's newspapers- are free and take 36 hours to come through over the internet. Are we not going too far, or I am I trying to retreat into thinking like my parents? Is just unconditional love not enough to live a lifetime? Or am I being silly now!

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