Sometimes it is difficult to not look back. Virtually impossible to prevent your brain from doing a rewind replay. Its subconscious and slightly spooky the way the brain opens old folders and files at the back of your memory. Memories and flash backs should come with a warning...but they dont.
Scrolling past my work I realise that I talk a lot about the 'past'...for a person who is rearing to get ahead and move into the future..it sounds strange.
Maybe I hook back more often than I thought. So from today I shall try not to talk about a past that has been laid to rest.
Let me talk about the future..about the prospect of being home in 17 days time. Being at home, being fed and watered and talked to constantly and licked by the super friendly dog. Being in India in the winter..with the fog and the smog and the smell of roasted peanuts and popcorns in the air, faded headlights of oncoming vehicles, the black carrots season and the cauliflower and turnip pickle cooking in the sun, the push carts of Gajjak and Revari. Warming my feet by putting them on the obese spaniel who lies wrapped in my duvet at the bottom of my bed. Drinking cups of tea with a hint or ginger and cardamom..ahhhhh!!! Stepping out of bed to make a record dash to the loo and jump right back into the warm bed, changing from day clothes to night clothes which are cold to touch, having hot steaming plates of food and then going to sleep squashed and buried under a newly beaten and re-stuffed rasai, the weight of which sometimes makes breathing difficult. I forgot to mention lying in the sun with a shawl on my face...warming up :) Sounds a bit like paradise..which is what it is!! I am counting the days